It is funny how a person’s outlook on life changes as they get older….
I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now.
Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers..
I didn’t make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.
I decided to stop calling the bathroom the ‘John’ and renamed it the ‘Jim’. I feel so much better saying “I went to the Jim this morning”.
Old age is coming at a really bad time. When I was a child I thought “Nap Time” was a punishment. Now, as a grownup, it feels like a small vacation.
The biggest lie I tell myself is…”I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.”
I don’t have grey hair; I have “wisdom highlights” I’m just very wise.
Don’t ever ask me to bend down and touch my toes. If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would have put them on my knees.
Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators We haven’t met yet.
Of course I talk to myself; sometimes when I need expert advice.
At my age “Getting lucky” means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.
Actually I’m not complaining because I am a Senager. (Senior teenager)
I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later. – I don’t have to go to school or work. – I have a driver’s license and my own car. – I get an allowance every month. – I have my own ipad (although I can’t recall where I kept it) – I don’t have a curfew.
Life is great.
I have more friends I should send this to, but right now I can’t remember their names. Now, I’m wondering…did I send this to you, or did you send it to me?
My father passed away a few years ago and there isn’t a day that goes past that I don’t think of him. I miss the times that we shared together fishing, traveling, camping, laughing, and doing the plethora of other things that I loved to do with him. He was more than a father to me, he was my buddy, my confidant, my best friend.
Today, I was going through my desk here at home and came across a poem that a friend of mine had shared with us. For some reason, I don’t remember reading it at the time, but after reading it today, it brought a sense of comfort to my heart.
It is for this reason that I felt as though I should share it with other people that may be going through a time of grief, loss, or nostalgia.
We all know that Thanksgiving 2020 is going to be one of the most unique Thanksgivings that we have ever experienced. Millions of people will not be able to celebrate with family members, relatives, friends, and loved ones.
Despite these difficult times, I decided to bring some cheer and merriment to you. I have collected several humorous Thanksgiving cartoons that will hopefully bring a smile to your face, a giggle to your heart, and make your Thanksgiving a little happier.
It is so important to remember, being thankful and giving thanks is more than a one day event…it should be something that we do EVERY DAY. If we truly give thanks each and every day, we will soon find that we will enjoy the true meaning Thanksgiving in our everyday lives
Today’s world is getting busier and busier. It seems as though the anxieties, stresses, and the speed of the events going on around us are going faster and quicker every day. There are times when it seems like we just can’t catch up with the things that we would like to do. Our minds sometimes seem so overwhelmed with all the vast amounts of technology and information bombarding us…it can sometimes feel like we are going “over the edge.”
Well, I have good news for you time! The following is a simple story that I hope serves as a great reminder…for all of us…the importance of taking some time for ourselves each day!
There once was a farmer who discovered that he had lost his watch in his barn. You see, it was no ordinary watch because it had great sentimental value for him. The watch had been passed down to him through the generations and it broke his heart knowing that he lost the watch.
He searched and searched but he could not find the treasured heirloom. After much thought and contemplation, the farmer decided to enlist the help of a group of children that were playing outside the barn. The children looked and looked for the watch, but they just couldn’t find it.
The farmer was heartbroken…it seemed like the watch was lost forever. But just when the farmer was about to give up, a little boy came up to him and the farmer, “Mr. Farmer, can I look for the watch one more time?” The farmer looked at him and thought, “why not?” “It certainly wouldn’t hurt…after all your friends looked for a few hours and couldn’t find it,” the farmer said.
So, the farmer told the little boy to go back into the barn and continue his search. To his complete surprise and astonishment, the boy come out, face beaming with pride, with the farmer’s watch in his hand!
The farmer was so happy and surprised! He asked the boy, “How did you find the watch? There were so many other people searching for it and they couldn’t find it, how did you discover it so quickly?”
The boy simply replied, “I did nothing but sit quietly on the ground and listen…in silence. Then I heard the ticking of the watch and just looked for it in the direction the sound was coming from.”
You see folks, in the hustle and bustle of today’s world, we all need to take some time for ourselves to be quiet and allow ourselves to enjoy the gift of relaxing, re-energizing silence. A peaceful mind will allow us to think better and more clearly than a mind full of turmoil, anxiety, and stress.
Allow yourself to take some time each day to silence your mind and discover how it will help your day run a little smoother and happier when you quiet your soul!
This is a great illustration as to why some people do not do politics. This was my friend’s article in his church’s newsletter.
“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” ~ Philippians 4:8
As children, we played outside all the time. I am sure it was because we did not have air conditioning and the house was hotter than outside. Getting tangled up with “red ants” was a common occurrence.
Now it should not be a surprise to anyone that I was a very hyper child. So one day I was riding my bike and came across a huge red ant pile. Do you remember the phrase, “I got ants in my pants and I need to dance”? Well, I decided to see what that was like and I sat right down in the middle of that ant pile. You can guess what happens next… I got covered with ants. I ran home screaming and crying. I do not know what my mom said, but I do remember her pouring alcohol all over the bites.
You may be wondering what this has to do with the verse in Philippians. We are living in a time with information overload. We are filling our time watching and consuming information that we have no control over. I have quite a few friends who have become angry, and cynical because all they do is watch the news and then feel like they have to change the world by posting and talking and trashing the headlines.
Mostly it is about politics. It is just like those ants that I stirred up and paid the price for becoming part of their world. I would have been far better off ignoring them and chasing butterflies. But I gave my attention to the wrong thing.
When we are told to “think about things” that are noble and true, pure and right, lovely etc. it is because that is what is best. We are stressing ourselves out because we are paying attention to the wrong things. God’s word is a lamp to our feet and a light to our path. It gives light to our soul. It leads us beside still waters and comforts us. These are the things we need to be concentrating on.
I do not think we need to be ignorant of things going on in our world, but posting, commenting and constantly talking about it is like stirring up an ant bed and sitting on it. It makes us miserable and drives friends and families away. And, like it or not, if we disagree with the person it does effect how we feel about them, even if for a short moment. Plus, it does not change one little thing in the world other than “getting it off our chest”
We need to choose to be happy. If we are going to be posting things that are going to change the world, then we need to be posting about Jesus and what He is doing for us.
Let’s all make a commitment to read God’s word and put Philippians 4:8 into practice. Let’s choose to be trustworthy, pure, lovely, commendable, and excellent.
Free tickets!! Who wouldn’t want free tickets to a sporting event? An amusement park? A Concert? The following is great “food for thought” for all of us. It was written by a fellow coach.
Super Bowl 39 featured a classic first half defensive battle, followed by a second half offensive shootout between the explosive New England Patriots and the gritty Philadelphia Eagles. New England claimed the Super Bowl title by only 3 points, 24-21. The game lived up to its expectation as the two divisional champs clashed for the title. Two Tickets to the Super Bowl cost between $3,000 and $10,000. With that in mind, if someone offered you two free tickets to the Super Bowl would you take them?
There was an interesting story several years ago about a guy named Greg Laurie who tried to give away an extra ticket on his way into the Magic Kingdom . As his family went into the park, he told his family, “Hold on while I find someone to take this free ticket. This shouldn’t take long!” But time after time he would approach people at the front gate only to be turned down. He was astounded! No one would take his free ticket.
Think about that…isn’t it hard to believe? Who would turn down free tickets to the Magic Kingdom? Well, shortly after moving to Orlando I got a job at the Magic Kingdom, and along with it an employee pass that could sign in 3 people per day to the theme parks for free.
One time a friend visited me and we went to go into EPCOT. As we were about to go in I said, “Wait… let’s see if we can grab two people to come into the EPCOT for free with us!” I approached several couples who looked like they hadn’t purchased tickets yet. I asked them if they’d like to come into EPCOT for free. I was shocked when time after time they would turn me down, often to walk right up to the ticket counter to buy tickets. Can you believe it? It was just like what Greg Laurie described. I was amazed. People just could not accept what seemed like was too good to be true.
It’s the same thing with the Kingdom of Heaven. The Bible says that the Lord has prepared a special place in His Kingdom just for you. All it takes is a “free ticket” to get into the gates. But most people can’t accept that anything that good would be so easy to get. Most people try to get into the Kingdom by being good, or acting a certain way or by living a “good life”. But it’s much easier than that:
To claim your ticket into God’s Kingdom you only have to do two things: 1) Admit that you have sinned in your life and need to be forgiven, and 2) to pray and ask the Lord to forgive your sins and to bring you into His Kingdom. It is just that easy and there is no catch.
Once you have your ticket into the Kingdom, all of your sins past, present and future are washed away and you have a guaranteed spot in a celebration infinitely better than the Super Bowl.
Consider these words from the Bible:
“No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him” – 1 Corinthians 2:9
Your tickets to the Kingdom of Heaven are waiting for you. All you have to do is pick them up. Will you pick up your tickets today?
As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper’s cemetery in the back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn’t stop for directions.I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.
I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn’t know what else to do, so I started to play.
The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I’ve never played before for this homeless man.
And as I played ‘Amazing Grace,’ the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, “I never seen nothin’ like that before and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.”
I hope people can learn how to walk backwards – starting today.
A long time ago, a man got drunk and passed out naked. One of his sons found him and began telling others about his embarrassing position. Maybe his son felt overlooked by his two brothers, maybe he was sternly corrected by his father, maybe he just like being the center of attention – and this sure got people’s attention.
His two brothers listened and were mortified. They looked at their brother and without saying a word, went to their passed-out father.
As they entered the room, they did not want to see their father disgraced, so they walked in backward. They actually walked backward.They carried a blanket, and covered their father as he laid there naked and drunk as a skunk. (Try walking backwards right now where you’re at – unless you’re driving : )
They wouldn’t dare mention this to anybody. No matter how strict, how selfish or how sinful their father was, they were determined to cover his sin, to sober him up and to encourage him to learn from his mistake and start living a better life.
He did. His name was Noah, and he built a pretty famous boat.
There’s an old saying: Love covers a multitude of sins.
What do you do when you find out someone posted something years and years ago that is completely offensive (btw why would you even be looking for offensive material from several years ago?)Do you “out” somebody, post it, tell your friends, tell your neighbors?
That’s a “gotcha!” mentality; why not have a ‘grace’ mentality and walk backwards?
I encourage you try to give mercy and grace to people at their weakest moments. I’m grateful many have shown me that in my life and I’ve tried to show the same.
I truly believe we will reap what we sow. Some people call it karma, call it what you want, but it’s absolutely true.
Noah’s two sons were blessed and their families; the other son and his family were not blessed. You can hurt people or help people, break people down or build people up, you can laugh at them or love them.
Now more than ever, choose love and walk backwards.
It was beautiful sunny day and an old lady decided to go to her bank. The lady walked inside, up to the counter and handed her bank card to a bank teller and said, “I would like to withdraw $500.”
The teller told her, “For withdrawals less than $2,000, please use the ATM.”
The old lady wanted to know why…
The teller returned her bank card and irritable said to her, “These are the rules. Please leave if there is no other matter. There is a line behind you.”
The old lady remained silent for a few seconds then handed her card back to the teller and said, “Please help me withdraw all the money I have.”
The teller was astonished when she checked the account balance. She nodded her head, leaned down and respectfully told her, “My apologies Ma’am, you have $35 million in your account and our bank doesn’t have so much cash currently. Could you make an appointment and come back tomorrow?”
The old lady then asked how much she could withdraw immediately.
The teller told her any amount up to $250,000. “Well, please let me have $250,000 now”, she requested. The teller did so quickly, then handed it very friendly and respectfully to her elderly client.
The old lady put the $500 into her bag and asked the teller to deposit the balance of $249,500 back into her account.
Don’t be difficult to old people, they spent a lifetime learning the skills!
An elderly physician, Doctor Geezer, became very bored in retirement and decided to re-open a medical clinic.He put a sign up outside that said: “Dr. Geezer’s clinic: Get your treatment for $500 – if not cured, get back $1,000.
“Doctor Young, who was positive that this old geezer didn’t know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000.
So he went to Dr. Geezer’s clinic.
Dr. Young: “Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me?
“Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young’s mouth.
“Dr. Young: ‘Aaagh! — This is Gasoline!”
Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back. That will be $500.
”Dr. Young, very annoyed, goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.
Dr. Young: “I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.
“Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.
“Dr. Young: “Oh, no you don’t — that’s Gasoline!” Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back. That will be $500.
“Dr. Young (now having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.
Dr. Young: “My eyesight has become weak — I can hardly see anything!”
Dr. Geezer: “Well, I don’t have any medicine for that so here’s your $1000 back” (giving him a $10 bill).
Dr. Young: “But this is only $10!”
Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500.”
Moral of the story — Just because you’re “Young” doesn’t mean that you can outsmart an old Geezer.Remember: Don’t make old people mad. They don’t like being old in the first place, so it doesn’t take much to tick them off.