I love finding little stories that make me feel good and smile to myself. Today’s story fits that category. I hope that you find this humorous little tale as enjoyable as I did 🙂
Going to bed the other night, I noticed people in my shed stealing things.
I phoned the police but was told that no one was in the area to help. They said that they would send someone over as soon as possible.
I hung up.
A minute later, I called the police again. “Hello,” I said, “I called a minute ago because there were people in my shed. You don’t have to worry now because I shot them.”
Within minutes there were half a dozen police cars in the area, plus helicopters and an armed response unit. They caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the officers said, “I thought you said that you shot them.”
To which I replied, “I thought you said there was no one available.”
Has someone or a certain circumstance ever affected you in such a negative way, that you decided to alter the “REAL YOU” to match the actions of your adversary? Well, today’s short story is a great illustration and reminder that we should always stay true ourselves, maintain our core principles, and remain the people that we really are.
A man saw a snake being burned to death and decided to take it out of the fire. When he did, the snake bit him causing excruciating pain.the man dropped the snake, and it fell back into the fire.
So, the man grabbed a metal pole, took the snake out of the fire, and saved its life.
Someone who was watching approached the man and said, “That snake bit you. Why are you still trying to save it?” the man replied, “The nature of the snake is to bite, but that’s not going to change my nature, which is to help.”
Do not change your nature simply because someone tries to hurt you or does you wrong. Do not lose your good heart and take care to control your emotions so when the time comes, you can let your kindness shine!
Even the most advanced computer programs from Norton, McAfee, and others cannot take care of this one. It appears to target those who were born prior to 1960. The sporadic lock down seems to be increasing the chances of being affected!
Virus Symptoms:
1. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice. (Done that)
2. Causes you to send a blank e-mail. (That too)
3. Causes you to send an e-mail to the wrong person. (Yup)
4. Causes you to send it back to the person who sent it to you. (That too)
5. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment. (Done that)
6. Causes you to hit SEND before you’ve finished. (Oh no, not again)
7. Causes you to hit DELETE instead of SEND. (Hate that)
8. Causes you to hit SEND when you should DELETE. (Heck, now what?)
This virus is called the C-NILE virus!
A lot of us have already been inflicted with this disease and unfortunately as we age, it gets worse. And if you can’t admit to doing any of the above, you’ve obviously caught the other strain – the D-NILE virus. Doctors say that lots of naps and a daily dose of Johnnie Walker liquid medicine might help.
We will all experience death someday. Many people wonder what it will be like “on the other side.” While it is true that nobody knows for sure, I recently came across the following little story that I think will give you a glimpse of what you may expect.
A sick man turned to his doctor as he was preparing to leave the examination room and said, “Doctor, I am afraid to die. Tell me what’s on the other side,” Very quietly, the doctor sais, “I don’t know…”
“You don’t know? You’re a Christian Man, and don’t know what’s on the other side?”
The doctor was holding the handle of the door; on the other side came a sound of scratching and whining, and as he opened the door, a dog sprang into the room and leaped on him with an eager show of gladness and love.
Turning to the patient, the doctor said, “Did you notice my dog? He’s never been in this room before. He didn’t know what was inside. He knew nothing except that his master was here, and when the door opened, he sprang in without fear. I know little of what is on the other side of death, but I do know one thing…I know my Master is there and that is enough.”
Yesterday I was at Costco buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Owen, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had, an elephant?
So because I’m retired and have little to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I’d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionallycomplete,(certified), so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me? I told her no. I had stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Costco won’t let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.
What kind of person are you? Are you compassionate, sympathetic, and kind towards others? Or are you someone who is unsympathetic, callous, and impervious in your relationships with individuals?
The following poem was written by Sheri Eckert and serves as a great reminder that we should all “Be That One” kind of person who looks to inspire, encourage, and assist others in their journey of life.
Be That One
Be that one.
That One who forgives when a deep offense has been committed.
That One who loves when no one else does.
That One who shares kindness to those who are mean.
Be That One who looks past the insult, instead seeing the pain that motivated it.
That One who shines the light upon those who sit in utter darkness.
Because the impact of being That One runs far and wide.It brings healing to the wounded, joy to the sad, and hope to those in despair.
Be That One.
“How beautiful a day can be when KINDNESS touches it” 🙂
One of the things that I enjoy, is finding stories, anecdotes, and other little nuggets of wisdom and knowledge to share with others. A friend of mine sent me the following Six VERY short stories that demonstrate short examples of simple truths. I hope that you find them as enjoyable and helpful as I did!
Enjoy!
{1} Once all villagers decided to pray for rain. On the day of prayer all the people gathered, but only one boy came with an umbrella. That’s FAITH.
{2} When you throw babies in the air,they laugh because they know you will catch them. That’s TRUST.
{3} Every night we go to bed without any assurance of being alive the next morning, but still we set the alarms to wake up. That’s HOPE
{4} We plan big things for tomorrow in spite of zero knowledge of the future. That’s CONFIDENCE
{5} We see the world suffering,but still we get married and have children. That’s LOVE.
{6} On an old man’s shirt was written a sentence’I am not 80 years old; I am sweet 16 with 64 years of experience.’ That’s ATTITUDE.
Have a happy day & live your life like the 6 stories.
When I was a child, I thought nap time was punishment. Now it’s like a mini-vacation.
“GOOD FRIENDS ARE THE RARE JEWELS OF LIFE..DIFFICULT TO FIND AND IMPOSSIBLE TO REPLACE!
I recently came across the following story that I found interesting and inspirational. Unfortunately, I do not who wrote this analogy, I think that this is something that will inspire people whose desires and goals in their lives are to become leaders in their everyday lives.
Enjoy!
In the Jungle:
1. The Elephant is the biggest
2. The Giraffe is the tallest
3. The Fox is the wisest
4. The Cheetah is the fastest
Yet, the Lion is the King of the Jungle even without any of these qualities.
Why?
Because:
1. The Lion is courageous, bold, walks with confidence, is daring and never afraid.
2. The Lion believes it is unstoppable.
3. The Lion is a risk taker.
4. The Lion believes any food is for him.
5. The lion believes any opportunity is worth trying.
So…
1. You don’t need to be the biggest.
2. You don’t have to be the tallest.
3. You don’t have to be the wisest.
4. You don’t have to be the fastest.
All you need is “courage.”
All you need is the “will to try.”
All you need is the “Faith” to believe it is “Possible.”
All you need is to believe in yourself and believe that you can do it.
The Lion never walks alone! It is the only big cat that lives, hunts, and eats in groups. This quality demonstrates that we all need each other to succeed…whether it be in a family, neighborhood, workplace, Church/Mosque/Synagogue, and the nation at large!
Never Walk Along!
Stay in the Lion’s Mood!
That’s the mood for winners…regardless how old you are!
If you’ve ever felt despair, suffered tragedy or generally gone through the harshness of life, this is a wonderful story that will lift your spirits…
The Four Candles burned slowly. Their Ambiance was so soft you could hear them speak…
The First Candle said, “I Am Peace, but these days, nobody wants to keep me lit.”
Then Peace’s flame slowly diminishes and goes out completely.
The Second Candle said, “I Am Faith, but these days, I am no longer indispensable.”
Then Faith’s flame slowly diminishes and goes out completely.
Sadly, The Third Candle Speaks, “I Am Love and I haven’t the strength to stay lit any longer.
People put me aside and don’t understand my importance. They even forget to love those who are nearest to them.” Waiting no longer, Love goes out completely.
Suddenly…A child enters the room and sees the three candles no longer burning. The child begins to cry, “Why are you not burning? You are supposed to stay lit until the end!”
Then the Fourth Candle speaks gently to the little child, “Don’t be afraid, for I Am Hope, and while I still burn, we can re-light the other candles.”
With Shining Eyes, the child took the Candle Of Hope and lit the other three candles.
Never let the Flame of Hope go out of your life. With Hope, no matter how bad things look and are…Peace, Faith and Love can Shine Brightly in our lives.
I hope people can learn how to walk backwards – starting today.
Photo Credit: Quang-Nguyen-Vinh via Pexels
A long time ago, a man got drunk and passed out naked. One of his sons found him and began telling others about his embarrassing position.
Maybe his son felt overlooked by his two brothers, maybe he was sternly corrected by his father, maybe he just like being the center of attention – and this sure got people’s attention.
His two brothers listened and were mortified. They looked at their brother and without saying a word, went to their passed-out father.
As they entered the room, they did not want to see their father disgraced, so they walked in backward.
They actually walked backward.
They carried a blanket and covered their father as he laid there naked and drunk as a skunk.
(Try walking backwards right now where you’re at – unless you’re driving : )
They wouldn’t dare mention this to anybody. No matter how strict, how selfish or how sinful their father was, they were determined to cover his sin, to sober him up and to encourage him to learn from his mistake and start living a better life.
He did. His name was Noah, and he built a pretty famous boat.
There’s an old saying: Love covers a multitude of sins.
What do you do when find out someone posted something years and years ago that is completely offensive (btw why would you even be looking for offensive material from several years ago?)
Do you “out” somebody, post it, tell your friends, tell your neighbors?
That’s a “gotcha!” mentality; why not have a ‘grace’ mentality and walk backwards?
I encourage you try to give mercy and grace to people at their weakest moments. I’m grateful many have shown me that in my life and I’ve tried to show the same.
I truly believe we will reap what we sow. Some people call it karma, call it what you want, but it’s absolutely true.
Noah’s two sons were blessed and their families; the other son and his family were not blessed.
You can hurt people or help people, break people down or build people up, you can laugh at them or love them.
Now more than ever, choose love and walk backwards.
No nursing home for me. I’ll be checking into a Holiday Inn!
With the average cost for nursing home care being approximately $275.00 per day, there is a better way to go when we get old and feeble.
I’ve already checked on reservations at the Holiday Inn.
For a combined long term stay discount and senior discount, it is $79.00 per night. Breakfast included, and some have happy hours in the afternoon.
That leaves $196.00 a day for lunch and dinner in any restaurant we want, or room service, laundry, gratuities, and special TV movies.
There is another big plus…they hotel also provides a spa, swimming pool, a workout room, a lounge, and washer dryer, etc. Most hotels have free toothpaste and razors, and all of them have free soap and shampoo.
If you give $10 worth of tips a day, you will have the entire staff scrambling to help you.
They will treat you like a customer…not a patient.
There is a city bus stop out front and seniors ride free. The handicap bus will also pick you up (if you fake a decent limp).
To meet other nice people, call a church bus on Sundays.
For a change of scenery, take the airport shuttle bus to the airport and eat at one of the nice restaurants there. While you are at the airport, fly somewhere…otherwise, the cash will keep building up.
It takes months and months to get into decent nursing homes. Holiday Inn will take your reservation today…and you are not stuck in one place forever. You can move from Inn to Inn, or even city to city. Want to see Hawaii? They have a Holiday Inn there too.
TV broken? Light bulbs need changing? Need a new mattress replaced? No problem. They fix everything and apologize for the inconvenience.
The Inn has a night security person and a daily room service. The maid checks to see if you are OK. If not, they call an ambulance…or the undertaker.
If you fall and break a hip, Medicare will pay for the hip, and Holiday Inn will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.
And no worries about visits from your family. They will always be glad to find you, and probably check in for a few days mini vacation and the grandkids can use the pool!
What more could I ask for?
So, when I reach that golden age…I will face it with a grin!!
The times that we are presently living seem to be more dark and pessimistic with each passing day. It is easy for us to focus and dwell on the negative events that seem to be happening all around us this past year or so…COVID, masks, the unrest in Washington D.C., etc.
One of the beautiful things about life, is that we can discover ways to alleviate this sense of doom by exercising, going outside and enjoy nature via hikes, walks, runs, and biking. Other people meditate, practice yoga, tai chi, and a host of other methods or techniques to control and manage their anxiety.
Laughter and comedy has also been a tremendous outlet for people when navigating the storms of life.
The focus of my blog today, is to do just that…to give people some giggles, smiles, or laughter that (hopefully) will help brighten your day…at least for a short time.
So, without further ado, here are a few statements that I am sure will bring a sense of merriment and joy to your soul 🙂
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The Ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”
3. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named “Ahmal.” The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him “Juan.” Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, “They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.”
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: “A beer please, and one for the road.”
6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: “Does this taste funny to you?”
7. “Doc, I can’t stop singing ‘The Green, Green Grass of Home.'” “That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.” “Is it common?” Well, “It’s Not Unusual.”
8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, “I was artificially inseminated this morning.” “I don’t believe you,” says Dolly. “It’s true, no bull!” exclaims Daisy.
9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you’ve heard this bull before.
11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
12. What do you call a deer with one eye? No eye deer (no idea(r))
13. I went to a seafood disco last week… and pulled a mussel.
14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, “Dam!”
16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.
17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. “But why,” they asked, as they moved off. “Because,” he said, “I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.”
18. Two peanuts walk into a bar and one was a salted.
19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it’s good…) A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did!!!!!!!!
