The Entertaining Wisdom of a Child

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

You have to love how children can be so blunt and truthful. It can sometimes be amusing (or quite embarrassing) when a child blurts out an answer that most people didn’t anticipate. Such is the case for today’s short story. I am sure that the wisdom of this little darling will bring a smile to your face!

In a grade school lesson, a teacher was explaining a little bit about whales.

A little girl in class piped up and said: “I just learned that Jonah in the bible was swallowed by a whale.”

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was relatively small.

The girl said: “I am sure Jonah was swallowed by a whale.”

The teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; that it was physically impossible.

The little girl replied: “My Sunday school teacher told me Jonah was swallowed and she would not lie to me.”

A bit perturbed by this, the teacher proclaimed: “That is a “story” from the bible, it is not factual, and I will not argue with you.”

After a little thought, the girl responded: “Well, when I get to heaven, I will ask Jonah”.

Now challenged, the teacher spouted: “What if Jonah didn’t go to heaven?”

Not at all daunted, the girl quipped,  . . . “ok then you ask him.”  ~ Author Unknown ~

– – “Out of the mouth of babes . . . “

 

Poems to Make You Smile

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Photo by rawpixel.com on Pexels.com

There is nothing better when a person is having a bad day than to laugh and smile. Anyone who knows me well knows how much I love to make people laugh and smile. I feel that that is one of my biggest blessings in life. The late Mother Teresa once said, “Let us all meet each other with a smile, for the smile is the beginning of love.” It is with that spirit, that I decided to post and few poems that I hope will bring a smile to your face, a moment joy to your heart, and an encouragement to finish your day on a positive note. If one of the following poems have lifted your spirits and have inspired you, feel free to share your blessing with other today!

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Keep on Smiling

~ Poet: Alexandra Skiathitis

If at times you feel you want to cry

And life seems such a trial

Above the clouds there’s a bright blue sky

So make your tears a smile

 

As you travel on life’s way

With its many ups and downs

Remember it’s quite true to say

One smile is worth a dozen frowns

 

Among the world’s expensive things

A smile is very cheap

And when you give a smile away

You get one back to keep

 

Happiness comes at times to all

But sadness comes unbidden

And sometimes a few tears must fall

Among the laughter hidden

 

So when friends have sadness on their face

And troubles round them piled

The world will seem a better place

And all because you smiled!

——————–

A Smile

~ Poet: Unknown

A smile is cheer to you and me

The cost is nothing-it’s given free

It comforts the weary-gladdens the sad

Consoles those in trouble-good or bad

To rich or poor-beggar or thief

It’s free to all of any belief

A natural gesture of young and old

Cheers on the faint-disarms the bold

Unlike most blessings for which we pray

It’s one thing we keep when we give it away.

——————-

Smile

~ Poet: Charlie Chaplin

Smile though your heart is aching

Smile even though it’s breaking

When there are clouds in the sky, you’ll get by

If you smile through your fear and sorrow

Smile and maybe tomorrow

You’ll see the sun come shining through for you.

 

Light up your face with gladness

Hide every trace of sadness

Although a tear may be ever so near

That’s the time you must keep on trying

Smile, what’s the use of crying?

You’ll find that life is still worthwhile

If you just smile

That’s the time you must keep on trying

Smile, what’s the use of crying?

You’ll find that life is still worthwhile

If you just smile!

If you would like to hear this poem in a song, CLICK HERE! (sung by Natalie Cole)

——————–

Try Smiling

~ Poet: Unknown

When the weather suits you not, Try smiling.

When your coffee isn’t hot, Try smiling.

When your neighbors don’t do right,

Or all of your relatives fight,

Sure ‘tis hard, but you might Try smiling.

 

Doesn’t change the things, of course-Just smiling.

But it cannot make them worse-Just smiling

And it seems to help your case,

Brightens up a gloomy place,

Then, it sort o’ rests your face-Just smiling.

——————–

Gladness Every Morning

~ Poet: Nixon Waterman

Touch your lips with gladness and go singing on your way,

Smiles will strangely lighten every duty;

Just a little word of cheer may span a sky of gray

With hope’s own heaven-tinted bow of beauty.

Wear a pleasant face wherein shall shine a joyful heart,

As shines the sun, the happy fields adorning;

To every care-beclouded life some ray of light impart,

And touch your lips with gladness every morning.

——————-

A Face Without A Smile

~Poet: Unknown

Like a bread without the spreadin’,

Like a mattress without a beddin’,

Like a cart without a hoss,

Like a door without a latchspring,

Like a dry an’ barren creed bed-

Is the face without a smile

 

Like a house without a dooryard,

Like a clock without a mainspring,

That will never tell the hour;

A thing that sort o’ makes yo’ feel

A hunger all the while-

Oh, the saddest sight that ever was

Is a face without a smile!

 

The face of man was built for smiles,

An’ thereby he is blest

Above the critters of the field,

The birds an’ all the rest;

He’s just a little lower

Than the angels in the skies,

An’ the reason is that he can smile;

Therein the glory lies!

 

So smile an’ don’t forget to smile,

An’ smile, an’ smile ag’in

‘Twill help you all along the way,

An’ cheer you mile and mile;

An’ so, whatever is your lot,

Jes’ smile, an’ smile, an’ smile!

———————-

“So, if you feel a smile begin, don’t leave it undetected, let’s start an epidemic quick…and get the world infected!” ~ Russel H. Conwell

———————-

Anyone can make you smile,

many people can make you cry,

But it takes someone really special

To make you smile with tears in your eyes!

Children Say the Funniest Things (Part 2)

woodleywonderworks
Photo Credit: WoodleyWonderWorks via CC Flickr

Welcome to the second installment of “Children Say the Funniest Things.” As I stated in my previous installment, “Children Say the Funniest Things Part One,” I am a Physical Education teacher and have taught children on all levels…from Kindergarten to college. It has always ben one of my favorite things about teaching and fatherhood to listen to what kids say in certain situations or give their answers to…what we as adults think…simple questions.

So, sit back, relax, grab a cup of your favorite beverage and maybe a snack…and get ready to enjoy a giggle, a chuckle, or a good laugh.

A four year old girl was drinking a cup of cold orange juice when she suddenly got the hiccups. “Don’t give me this juice again,” she said. “It makes my teeth cough.”

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A second-grade city school teacher decided to take her class on a trip to a farm. When they returned to school at the end of the day, she asked the children: “What were some of the sounds that you heard on your trip to the farm today?”

“Mooooo”

“Meow!!”

“Quack! Quack!”

“Baaaa!”

“Hey! Get off my tractor!!!”

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Five-year-old, Deana, asked her Granny how old she was. Her grandmother said that she was so old that she had forgotten her age.

“Well, then, Granny you have to look on the back of your underpants. Mine says five to six.”

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A nine-year-old daughter walked into her mother’s bedroom as she was getting ready for work.

“What are you doing?,” she asked.

“Putting on my wrinkle cream,” the mother answered.

“Oh,” she said, walking away. “I thought that they were natural.”

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Edith was a five-year-old and she had an earache. She knew where to find the painkillers but she couldn’t open the bottle. She brought the bottle to her mother, who explained that it was a childproof bottle that only adult could open. Eyes wide open with wonder, Edith said, “but how does it know it’s ME?”

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The mother of a three-year-old was surprised to hear him say, “yes, sir,” to her. She explained the “sir” was for men and “ma’ma” for women.

So, what would you say to Daddy?”

“Wes, sir.”

“Very good. And to Mama?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“ And to grandma?”

The little boy’s face lit up as he replied, “Can I have a cookie?”

———————–

A six-year-old girl, Angela, returned home from school and told her mom that they had their first family planning lesson that day. Wondering what it could be about, her mother asks, “How did it go?”

“I was so ashamed!” said the little girl.

“Billy from across the street said that the stork brings babies.” Nancy, our next door neighbor, said that you can buy babies from the orphanage. Johnny said that his little sister was bought in a hospital.”

Laughing and giggling a little bit, her mom said, “But that’s no reason to be ashamed!”

“No, but I couldn’t tell them that we were so poor that you and Daddy had to make me yourselves!”

———————

A teacher gave her second grade class a lesson on the magnet and what it does. The next day, in a written test, she included the question, “My full name has six letters. The first one is M. I am strong and attractive. I pick up tings. What am I?”

When the test papers were turned in, almost half of the students answered the question with the word…”Mother.”

——————-

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, “Why is a bride dressed in white?”

“Because it is the color of happiness,” explained her mother. “And today is the happiest day of her life!”

The child thought of it for a moment, then asked, “Why is the groom wearing black then?”

——————

Teacher: “How old is your father?”

Kid: “He is 6 years old.”

Teacher: “What? How is that possible?”

Kid: “He became a father only when I was born

**Logic: Children are quick and always speak their minds 🙂

——————

Teacher: “Maria, go to the map and find North America.”

Maria: “Here it is.”

Teacher: “Correct. Now class, who discovered America?”

Class: “Maria!”

——————

Teacher: “How do you spell ‘crocodile’?”

Tommy: “K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L”

Teacher: “No, that’s wrong.”

Tommy: Maybe it is wrong…but you asked me how I spell it.”

—————–

Teacher: “What is the chemical formula for water?”

Kevin: “H I J K L M N O.”

Teacher: “What are you talking about?”

Kevin: “Yesterday you said it was H to O>”

—————-

Teacher: “Clyde, your composition on ‘My Dog’ is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you copy his?”

Clyde: “No sir. It’s the same dog.”

(I love this kid! I want to adopt him 🙂

—————

Last but not least….

Teacher: “What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?”

Franklin: “A Teacher.”

————–

I hope that you enjoyed these short stories. Look for the 3rd installment of  “Children Say the Funniest Things” sometime in the future.

If you have a funny story to share, please feel free to do so!!

Have a WONDERFUL day!

The Power of Laughter

farhad-sadykov
Photo Credit: Farhad Sadykov via CC Flickr

There is nothing better in the world than a nice, big laugh…a good belly-laugh. Laughing and smiling is an awesome remedy for the soul. It can brighten your day. It can turn a dark time into an enjoyable light. It’s funny how an individuals view of life can sometimes drastically change when they “take the frown and turn it upside-down.”

I recently came across the following story which demonstrates to us the wonderful power of the gift of laughter. It is my hope that this story might help someone who may be suffering some kind of hardship.

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Many years  ago, Norman Cousins was diagnosed as “terminally ill”. He was given six months to live. His chance for recovery was 1 in 500.

He could see the worry, depression and anger in his life contributed to, and perhaps helped cause, his disease. He wondered, “If illness can be caused by negativity, can wellness be created by positivity?”

He decided to make an experiment of himself. Laughter was one of the most positive activities he knew. He rented all the funny movies he could find – Keaton, Chaplin, Fields, the Marx Brothers. (This was before VCRs, so he had to rent the actual films.) He read funny stories. He asked his friends to call him whenever they said, heard or did something funny.

His pain was so great he could not sleep. Laughing for 10 solid minutes, he found, relieved the pain for several hours so he could sleep.

He fully recovered from his illness and lived another 20 happy, healthy and productive years. (His journey is detailed in his book, Anatomy of an Illness.) He credits visualization, the love of his family and friends, and laughter for his recovery.

Some people think laughter is a waste of time. It is a luxury, they say, a frivolity, something to indulge in only every so often.

Nothing could be further from the truth. Laughter is essential to our equilibrium, to our well-being, to our aliveness. If we’re not well, laughter helps us get well; if we are well, laughter helps us stay that way.

Since Cousins’ ground-breaking subjective work, scientific studies have shown that laughter has a curative effect on the body, the mind and the emotions.

So, if you like laughter, consider it sound medical advice to indulge in it as often as you can. If you don’t like laughter, then take your medicine – laugh anyway.

Use whatever makes you laugh – movies, sitcoms, Monty Python, records, books, New Yorker cartoons, jokes, friends.

Give yourself permission to laugh – long and loud and out loud – whenever anything strikes you as funny. The people around you may think you’re strange, but sooner or later they’ll join in even if they don’t know what you’re laughing about.

Some diseases may be contagious, but none is as contagious as the cure. . . laughter.

——————————

By Peter McWilliams
From “Chicken Soup for the Surviving Soul”

The Amusing Side of Aviation

simon_seesI enjoy hearing funny conversations that go on between people during their everyday lives. Today, I am posting some of the hilarious statements that were made between airport control towers and airline pilots. I found these on the great web sites, tickld.com and freemaninstitute.com. I hope you enjoy them as much as I did!

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Tower: “TWA 2341, for noise reduction turn right 45 Degrees.”
TWA 2341: “Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?”
Tower: “Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?”
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From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: “I’m f-ing bored!”
Ground Traffic Control: “Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!”
Unknown aircraft: “I said I was f-ing bored, not f-ing stupid!”
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O’Hare Approach Control to a 747: “United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o’clock, three miles, Eastbound.”
United 329: “Approach, I’ve always wanted to say this…I’ve got the little Fokker in sight.”
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A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long rollout after touching down.
San Jose Tower noted: “American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able.
If you are not able, take the Guadelupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport.”
*************************
A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich, overheard the following:
Lufthansa (in German): “Ground, what is our start clearance time?”
Ground (in English): “If you want an answer you must speak in English.”
Lufthansa (in English): “I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?”
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): “Because you lost the bloody war!”
*************************
Tower: “Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency 124.7”
Eastern 702: “Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway.”
Tower: “Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?”
BR Continental 635: “Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern… we’ve already notified our caterers.”
*************************
The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one’s gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.
Speedbird 206: “Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway.”
Ground: “Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven.”
The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: “Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?”
Speedbird 206: “Stand by, Ground, I’m looking up our gate location now.”
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): “Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?”
Speedbird 206 (coolly): “Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, — And I didn’t land.”
*************************
While taxiing at London’s Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: “US Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it’s difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!” Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: “God! Now you’ve screwed everything up! It’ll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don’t move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour, and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?”
“Yes, ma’am,” the humbled crew responded. Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking: “Wasn’t I married to you once?”
*************************
Tower: “Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o’clock, 6 miles!”
Delta 351: “Give us another hint! We have digital watches!”
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Here are some humorous tips on the subject of aviation:
* Takeoffs are optional. Landings are mandatory.

* If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back they get smaller. (unless you keep pulling the stick back — then they get bigger again)

* Flying is not dangerous; crashing is dangerous.

* The propeller is just a big fan in the front of the plane to keep the pilot cool. Want proof? Make it stop; then watch the pilot break out into a sweat.

* It’s best to keep the pointed end going forward as much as possible.

* Every one already knows the definition of a “good landing” is one from which you can walk away. But very few know the definition of a “great landing.” It’s one after which you can use the airplane another time.

* The probability of survival is equal to the angle of arrival.

* Those who hoot with the owls by night should not fly with the eagles by day.

* A helicopter is a collection of rotating parts going round and round and reciprocating parts going up and down — all of them trying to become random in motion. Helicopters can’t really fly — they’re just so ugly
that the earth immediately repels them.

* Trust your captain . . . . but keep your seat belt securely fastened.

* There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing: Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.

* A fool and his money are soon flying more airplane than he can handle.

* Try to keep the number of your landings equal to the number of your takeoffs.

* Gravity never loses! The best you can hope for is a draw.

* It’s better to be down here wishing you were up there, than up there wishing you were down here.

The 89 Year Old Thief

89 Year Old Thief

The Hilarious Quips of Children

wikimwdia
Photo Credit: Wikimedia

I love children. I have been a Physical Education teacher for 30 years and throughout that time, I have heard many, many funny things. So, today, I am going to share some of those innocent but amusing things that children say…not only to me, but to others as well.

During a recess that I was supervising one day, a little third grade girl came up to me and asked, “What do yo want to be when you grow up?”

——————–

Grandma: “LJ (little James), you did a great job staying in bed at grandma’s house last night.”

LJ: “Well, I did get up one time, grandma.”

Grandma: “Really?”

LJ: Yes, because I picked a booger with my finger and I needed my flashlight so nI cold look at it.”

——————–

A seven-year-old says, “I am not an oxymoron!”

——————-

A 6-year-old watched his dad tap the walls searching for support beams to hang his pictures. “Daddy, there is no one in there.”

——————

Told to make up her mind, a little girl asks, “How do you put makeup on your mind?”

——————

A 7-year-old boy to his 3-year-old sister: “Tell me when you are asleep, okay?”

——————

“How is that  going to work?” asks a new kindergartner, upon being told to hold up two fingers if he had to go to the bathroom.

——————

A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather’s computer. She told him she was writing a story. “What’s it about?” he asked. “I don’t know,” she said. “I can’t read.”

——————

One day day a little girl was standing next to me and stroking my eyebrow with her finger. When I asked what she was doing she said, “I’m your eyebrow petter.”

——————

One day, after one of my Physical Education classes, the entire class got into a line behind a water fountain to get a drink. Suddenly, a little boy came up to me and asked, “Can I go to the nurse?” I asked him, “Nurse? Why? Why do you want to go and see her?” The boy replied, “I don’t know. Billy cut in line in front of me. When I told my friend Bobby that Billy cut me, he told me to go and see the nurse.”

—————–

A 3-year-old after being told that her shoes were on the wrong feet: “Don’t be silly, Mommy. I know they’re my feet.”

—————-

A friend of mine was resting during a family party when her niece came in to check on her. She told her that she didn’t feel well, that she had bad cramps. She then went outside and announced to everyone that “Aunt Kim doesn’t want to come to the party because she has CRABS, really bad ones!”

—————-

A little 4-year-old boy brought over his new puppy to his grandparents house one day. His grandma started scolding her cat because it kept hissing at the puppy. The little boy asked quizzically, “Why are you talking to the cat? They can’t talk!” A few minutes later, the small child started talking to his puppy, his grandma asked him, “Why are yo talking to your dog? They can’t talk?” The little boy replied, “I know grandma, but they are good listeners!”

—————

A 3-year-old came inside and announced “I peed outside.” He was asked if his underwear was wet and my son proudly replied, “Nope, I peed on Luna. It was like a shower for her.”

—————

One day a 4-year-old was upstairs and yelled, “ouch!” When he asked what happened he yelled down to me, “I stubbed my toe! The one that ate roast beef!”.

—————

After getting in trouble for something a little boy said, “I’m only 5—I don’t know all the rules yet!”

—————

Grandma: “Levi, if you were making a sandwich, what wold you pt on it?”

Levi: “Meat, cheese and ketchup…on a bun.”

Grandma: “Wold you call that a ‘Levi Sandwich’?”

Levi: No, you silly, I call it a cheeseburger!”

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If you have any funny things that children have said to you, please feel free to share them, I might use them in a future post! Have a WONDERFUL day!!

 

A Tale From A Deathbed

jon dawson
Photo Credit: Jon Dawson via CC Flickr

Every once in a while, I come across a story that touches my heart, brings a smile to my face and a giggle to my soul. Such is the case with today’s story. 

Doug Smithberger is on his deathbed at Allegheny General Hospital and knows the end is near.

 

His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons are with him.

 

He asks for 2 witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak:

 

My son, “Bernie, I want you to take all the West End houses.””

My daughter “Sybil, you take the apartments over in the Bottoms and up toward Neville Island.””

 

My son, “Jamie, I want you to take the offices and apartments over in Neville Island and Coraopilis.”

 

“Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the banks of the river between McKees Rocks and Coraopolis and up the valley toward the airport.”

 

The nurse and witnesses are blown away as they did not realize his extensive holdings, and as Doug slips away, the nurse says,

“Mrs. Smith, your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property”.

 

Sarah replies, “Property ? …. the jerk had a paper route!”

HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! I hope this brought a smile to your face and made your day a little brighter! Love life and smile often.

The Hilarious World of Cats!

Photo Credit: Fireflydaily.com
Photo Credit: Fireflydaily.com

I love cats! When I was a kid, we used to have many cats running, sleeping and playing around the house. Both of my parents really enjoyed having the critters around and my grandmother, who lived with us, loved them as one of her own grandchildren.

One of the funniest things I enjoy watching, are cats doing silly, funny, and surprising things. Sometimes, they make me laugh so hard that they make me cry. 

So, what I decided to do today was to share some of these funny gifs with you (gifs are small movies, that last a few seconds). I think that you will find yourself giggling and laughing at the silliness and stupidity of our furry friends.

So, without further ado, let the laughs, snickers, and giggles begin!!

And away we go!
Peek-A-Boo…I see you!
Itsy Bitsy spider…..
“I’m a monster!”
“Has anyone seen Kitty?”
King of the Hill!
“Ok….enough of you Psycho cat!”
Stop Thief!
What the ?????
“Wait….what was that??”
Hit the SNOOZE button
Geronimo!
Houston…we have lift off!
HA! HA! HA!

How to Wash A Cat

Photo Credit: Laurence Simon via CC Flickr
Photo Credit: Laurence Simon via CC Flickr

Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl…

  1. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry it towards the bathroom.
  2. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close the lid. You may need to stand on the lid.
  3. At this point, the cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this!
  4. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a “Power-Wash” and “Rinse”.
  5. Have someone open the front door of your home. For the safety of everyone around, be sure that these are no people between the bathroom and the front door.
  6. Stand well back, behind the toilet as far as you can and quickly lift the lid.
  7. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.
  8. Good news!! Both the cat and the toilet will be sparkling clean!!

Yours Sincerely,

The Dog

—————————–

I hope these directions brought a little smile to your face, a giggle to your heart, and laughter to your soul!!!

Grandpa Gets Audited

Photo Credit: GotCredit via CC Flickr
Photo Credit: GotCredit via CC Flickr

Everybody needs a giggle or a chuckle at least once a day…today is no different. I hope that the following little story brings a smile to your face and a little joy to your heart.

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office.

The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.

The auditor said, ‘Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no
full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money
gambling. I’m not sure the IRS finds that believable.’

I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it,’ says Grandpa. ‘How about a
demonstration?’

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, ‘Okay. Go ahead.’

Grandpa says, ‘I’ll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.’

The auditor thinks a moment and says, ‘It’s a bet.’

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor’s jaw drops.

Grandpa says, ‘Now, I’ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my
other eye.’

Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn’t blind, so he takes the bet.

Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with
Grandpa’s attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

‘Want to go double or nothing?’ Grandpa asks ‘I’ll bet you six thousand
dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that
wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.’

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and
decides there’s no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he
agrees again.

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains
mightily, he can’t make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side,
so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor’s desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss
into a huge win.

But Grandpa’s own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

‘Are you okay?’ the auditor asks.

‘Not really,’ says the attorney. ‘This morning, when Grandpa told me he’d
been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he
could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you’d be happy about
it!’

I keep telling you! Don’t Mess with Old People!!

Look! It’s The Queen!!!

Photo Credit: Coach Muller
Photo Credit: Coach Muller

There is nothing more adorable in the world and nothing that can put a smile on your face quicker, then watching a little child becomes the person of their dreams. Such is the case with my little angel, who is one of my nieces when she got a Tinkerbell outfit for her birthday…yes, she also thought she was a queen!

So, are you having a bad day today? Take some time to do something for other people…to make them smile…to make them happy…to make them laugh…it’s contagious because it will make you feel the same!!

Laughter (Really Is) the Best Medicine

Photo Credit: Seth Lemmons via CC Flickr
Photo Credit: Seth Lemmons via CC Flickr

It has been said down through the ages, that “laughter is the best medicine.” Who doesn’t like a good, hearty laugh or a good chuckle or a simple giggle? We all enjoy a good laugh…Why? Because it is not only fun…it feels good! It is soothing to the soul and can make the worst of days into a good one almost instantly.

Laughter is good for the body and soul. It has been proven to be have many positive effects on a person’s well-being. It produces helpful hormones that fight stress, effects the immune system and in many cases, also helps lower blood pressure.

The following story is a story that I had heard many years ago. I finally found a copy of it and I am still amazed at the power of laughter and positive thinking. It is my hope that this story will inspire you and for those of you who are suffering from physically or emotionally. I pray that it will help you to find ways to think of your life in a positive fashion and it will lead you to find ways to heal your body and soul.

——————-
Many years ago, Norman Cousins was diagnosed as “terminally ill”. He was given six months to live. His chance for recovery was 1 in 500.

He could see the worry, depression and anger in his life contributed to, and perhaps helped cause, his disease. He wondered, “If illness can be caused by negativity, can wellness be created by positivity?”

He decided to make an experiment of himself. Laughter was one of the most positive activities he knew. He rented all the funny movies he could find – Keaton, Chaplin, Fields, the Marx Brothers. (This was before VCRs, so he had to rent the actual films.) He read funny stories. He asked his friends to call him whenever they said, heard or did something funny.

His pain was so great he could not sleep. Laughing for 10 solid minutes, he found, relieved the pain for several hours so he could sleep.

He fully recovered from his illness and lived another 20 happy, healthy and productive years. (His journey is detailed in his book, Anatomy of an Illness.) He credits visualization, the love of his family and friends, and laughter for his recovery.
________________________________________
Some people think laughter is a waste of time. It is a luxury, they say, a frivolity, something to indulge in only every so often.

Nothing could be further from the truth. Laughter is essential to our equilibrium, to our well-being, to our aliveness. If we’re not well, laughter helps us get well; if we are well, laughter helps us stay that way.
Since Cousins’ ground-breaking subjective work, scientific studies have shown that laughter has a curative effect on the body, the mind and the emotions.

So, if you like laughter, consider it sound medical advice to indulge in it as often as you can. If you don’t like laughter, then take your medicine – laugh anyway.

Use whatever makes you laugh – movies, sitcoms, Monty Python, records, books, New Yorker cartoons, jokes, friends.

Give yourself permission to laugh – long and loud and out loud – whenever anything strikes you as funny. The people around you may think you’re strange, but sooner or later they’ll join in even if they don’t know what you’re laughing about.

Some diseases may be contagious, but none is as contagious as the cure. . . laughter.

———————

By Peter McWilliams
From “Chicken Soup for the Surviving Soul”

12 Benefits of Laughing

laughter

  1. Reduces Heart Disease
  2. Natural Pain Killer
  3. Improves Breathing
  4. Helps You Lose Weight
  5. Better Sleep
  6. A Decrease in Stress
  7. Makes You Look Younger
  8. Boosts the Immune System
  9. Enriches Relationships
  10. Lowers Blood Pressure
  11. Increases Memory and Learning
  12. Raises Vascular Blood Flow and Oxygenation of the Blood

There’s no reason not to laugh!

(Photo credit: withrow, Flickr)