A few days ago, a good friend of mine, Bill, sent me this cute little story, written by John Killinger, that I thought would be something fun to share. Even though it is a funny story, it does demonstrate the unfortunate instances when certain individuals take the fun out of a game because of anger and frustration. Hopefully, it will serve as a motivation to people how NOT to act towards others when things do not work out the way that they desire.
A little while ago, the manager of a minor league baseball team got so frustrated with his center fielder’s performance that he jerked him out of the game and decided to play the position himself. He was determined to show his player how simple it really was to play this position. The first hard-hit ball that came to the manager took a bad hop and smashed into his mouth. A short time later, he had his second chance. The next play was a high fly ball that he lost in the sun—until it smacked him in the forehead. Then, for his last opportunity, a ball that came his way was a hard line-drive that flew between his hands and popped him right in the eye.
Furious, he ran off the field to the dugout, grabbed the center fielder by the shirt and shouted, “You’ve got center field so messed up, even I can’t play it!”
I hope you enjoyed this story. If you have any kind of motivational, inspirational, or heartwarming short stories, please don’t hesitate to send them to me and I will re-post them and credit you!
When you read this, you will never think of Thunderstorms the same way again.
This should make you smile!!
A little girl walked to and from school daily. Though the weather that morning was questionable and clouds were forming, she made her daily trek to school. As the afternoon progressed, the winds whipped up, along with lightning.
The mother of the little girl felt concerned that her daughter would be frightened as she walked home from school. She also feared the electrical storm might harm her child. Full of concern, the mother got into her car and quickly drove along the route to her child’s school. As she did, she saw her little girl walking along.
At each flash of lightning, the child would stop, look up, and smile. More lightning followed quickly and with each, the little girl would look at the streak of light and smile.
When the mother drew up beside the child, she lowered the window and called,
“What are you doing?”
The child answered, “I am trying to look pretty because God keeps taking my picture.”
May God Bless You Today and every day as you face the storms that come your way !!
Welcome to the second installment of “Children Say the Funniest Things.” As I stated in my previous installment, “Children Say the Funniest Things Part One,” I am a Physical Education teacher and have taught children on all levels…from Kindergarten to college. It has always ben one of my favorite things about teaching and fatherhood to listen to what kids say in certain situations or give their answers to…what we as adults think…simple questions.
So, sit back, relax, grab a cup of your favorite beverage and maybe a snack…and get ready to enjoy a giggle, a chuckle, or a good laugh.
A four year old girl was drinking a cup of cold orange juice when she suddenly got the hiccups. “Don’t give me this juice again,” she said. “It makes my teeth cough.”
A second-grade city school teacher decided to take her class on a trip to a farm. When they returned to school at the end of the day, she asked the children: “What were some of the sounds that you heard on your trip to the farm today?”
“Hey! Get off my tractor!!!”
Five-year-old, Deana, asked her Granny how old she was. Her grandmother said that she was so old that she had forgotten her age.
“Well, then, Granny you have to look on the back of your underpants. Mine says five to six.”
A nine-year-old daughter walked into her mother’s bedroom as she was getting ready for work.
“What are you doing?,” she asked.
“Putting on my wrinkle cream,” the mother answered.
“Oh,” she said, walking away. “I thought that they were natural.”
Edith was a five-year-old and she had an earache. She knew where to find the painkillers but she couldn’t open the bottle. She brought the bottle to her mother, who explained that it was a childproof bottle that only adult could open. Eyes wide open with wonder, Edith said, “but how does it know it’s ME?”
The mother of a three-year-old was surprised to hear him say, “yes, sir,” to her. She explained the “sir” was for men and “ma’ma” for women.
So, what would you say to Daddy?”
“Very good. And to Mama?”
“ And to grandma?”
The little boy’s face lit up as he replied, “Can I have a cookie?”
A six-year-old girl, Angela, returned home from school and told her mom that they had their first family planning lesson that day. Wondering what it could be about, her mother asks, “How did it go?”
“I was so ashamed!” said the little girl.
“Billy from across the street said that the stork brings babies.” Nancy, our next door neighbor, said that you can buy babies from the orphanage. Johnny said that his little sister was bought in a hospital.”
Laughing and giggling a little bit, her mom said, “But that’s no reason to be ashamed!”
“No, but I couldn’t tell them that we were so poor that you and Daddy had to make me yourselves!”
A teacher gave her second grade class a lesson on the magnet and what it does. The next day, in a written test, she included the question, “My full name has six letters. The first one is M. I am strong and attractive. I pick up tings. What am I?”
When the test papers were turned in, almost half of the students answered the question with the word…”Mother.”
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, “Why is a bride dressed in white?”
“Because it is the color of happiness,” explained her mother. “And today is the happiest day of her life!”
The child thought of it for a moment, then asked, “Why is the groom wearing black then?”
Teacher: “How old is your father?”
Kid: “He is 6 years old.”
Teacher: “What? How is that possible?”
Kid: “He became a father only when I was born
**Logic: Children are quick and always speak their minds 🙂
Teacher: “Maria, go to the map and find North America.”
Maria: “Here it is.”
Teacher: “Correct. Now class, who discovered America?”
Teacher: “How do you spell ‘crocodile’?”
Teacher: “No, that’s wrong.”
Tommy: Maybe it is wrong…but you asked me how I spell it.”
Teacher: “What is the chemical formula for water?”
Kevin: “H I J K L M N O.”
Teacher: “What are you talking about?”
Kevin: “Yesterday you said it was H to O>”
Teacher: “Clyde, your composition on ‘My Dog’ is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you copy his?”
Clyde: “No sir. It’s the same dog.”
(I love this kid! I want to adopt him 🙂
Last but not least….
Teacher: “What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?”
Franklin: “A Teacher.”
I hope that you enjoyed these short stories. Look for the 3rd installment of “Children Say the Funniest Things” sometime in the future.
If you have a funny story to share, please feel free to do so!!
Most of you who have been following my blog over the years, know that I am a Physical Education/Health teacher and a coach and have loved my job throughout the past 31 years. The one constant during those years have been the joy and excitement that I receive from my students. Their passion, zeal, and enthusiasm about life is contagious. This kind of positive atmosphere usually always uplifts my spirits, enlightens my soul, makes me smile. Every day of school is a new adventure..you never know what is going to happen…what will be said or what will be done by these young people. Usually, the younger they are, the funnier things happen.
So, it should be no surprise, that one of the things that I enjoy posting from time-to-time are some of the silly, hilarious, and downright goofy things that kids do…and sometimes teach us. Such is the case with today’s article. The following is a collection of some of these kinds of things. I hope that these bring a smile to your face and a chuckle to your heart. Hey! You may even learn some things about ceiling fans today as well 🙂
Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence. …
Super glue is forever. …
No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can’t walk on water.
Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
DVD players do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving. …
You probably do not want to know what that odor is. …
Always look in the oven before you turn it on.
Plastic toys do not like ovens.
The fire department in Orlando, FL has an 8 minute response time.
The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy.
The spin cycle on the washing machine does make cats dizzy.
Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite. …
A 3 year-old’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant. …
When you hear the toilet flush and the words “Uh-oh”, it’s already too late. …
Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it. …
A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.
A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2,000 sq foot house 4 inches deep.
Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old.
If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a superman cape….
It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room. …
You should not throw baseballs up in the air when the ceiling fan is on. …
When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.
A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
There is nothing better in the world than a nice, big laugh…a good belly-laugh. Laughing and smiling is an awesome remedy for the soul. It can brighten your day. It can turn a dark time into an enjoyable light. It’s funny how an individuals view of life can sometimes drastically change when they “take the frown and turn it upside-down.”
I recently came across the following story which demonstrates to us the wonderful power of the gift of laughter. It is my hope that this story might help someone who may be suffering some kind of hardship.
Many years ago, Norman Cousins was diagnosed as “terminally ill”. He was given six months to live. His chance for recovery was 1 in 500.
He could see the worry, depression and anger in his life contributed to, and perhaps helped cause, his disease. He wondered, “If illness can be caused by negativity, can wellness be created by positivity?”
He decided to make an experiment of himself. Laughter was one of the most positive activities he knew. He rented all the funny movies he could find – Keaton, Chaplin, Fields, the Marx Brothers. (This was before VCRs, so he had to rent the actual films.) He read funny stories. He asked his friends to call him whenever they said, heard or did something funny.
His pain was so great he could not sleep. Laughing for 10 solid minutes, he found, relieved the pain for several hours so he could sleep.
He fully recovered from his illness and lived another 20 happy, healthy and productive years. (His journey is detailed in his book, Anatomy of an Illness.) He credits visualization, the love of his family and friends, and laughter for his recovery.
Some people think laughter is a waste of time. It is a luxury, they say, a frivolity, something to indulge in only every so often.
Nothing could be further from the truth. Laughter is essential to our equilibrium, to our well-being, to our aliveness. If we’re not well, laughter helps us get well; if we are well, laughter helps us stay that way.
Since Cousins’ ground-breaking subjective work, scientific studies have shown that laughter has a curative effect on the body, the mind and the emotions.
So, if you like laughter, consider it sound medical advice to indulge in it as often as you can. If you don’t like laughter, then take your medicine – laugh anyway.
Use whatever makes you laugh – movies, sitcoms, Monty Python, records, books, New Yorker cartoons, jokes, friends.
Give yourself permission to laugh – long and loud and out loud – whenever anything strikes you as funny. The people around you may think you’re strange, but sooner or later they’ll join in even if they don’t know what you’re laughing about.
Some diseases may be contagious, but none is as contagious as the cure. . . laughter.
By Peter McWilliams
From “Chicken Soup for the Surviving Soul”
There are literally millions and millions of people around this country and the world, who deal with large amounts of worry, stress, and anxiety every single day. Individuals may pay thousands and thousands of dollars on various therapies, medications, etc. While there are definitely some individuals who are authentically in need of medication, counseling,etc., many people suffer from self-induced anxiety.
So, I have good news!! I recently came across a nice and simple guideline, that people might want to use to help them deal with the tough times in their life. I found these ideas to be as helpful as 1, 2, 3! I hope that these 10 steps will help you when you face stressful situations!
I enjoy hearing funny conversations that go on between people during their everyday lives. Today, I am posting some of the hilarious statements that were made between airport control towers and airline pilots. I found these on the great web sites, tickld.com and freemaninstitute.com. I hope you enjoy them as much as I did!
Tower: “TWA 2341, for noise reduction turn right 45 Degrees.”
TWA 2341: “Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?”
Tower: “Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?”
From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: “I’m f-ing bored!”
Ground Traffic Control: “Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!”
Unknown aircraft: “I said I was f-ing bored, not f-ing stupid!”
O’Hare Approach Control to a 747: “United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o’clock, three miles, Eastbound.”
United 329: “Approach, I’ve always wanted to say this…I’ve got the little Fokker in sight.”
A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long rollout after touching down.
San Jose Tower noted: “American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able.
If you are not able, take the Guadelupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport.”
A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich, overheard the following:
Lufthansa (in German): “Ground, what is our start clearance time?”
Ground (in English): “If you want an answer you must speak in English.”
Lufthansa (in English): “I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?”
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): “Because you lost the bloody war!”
Tower: “Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency 124.7”
Eastern 702: “Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway.”
Tower: “Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?”
BR Continental 635: “Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern… we’ve already notified our caterers.”
The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one’s gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.
Speedbird 206: “Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway.”
Ground: “Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven.”
The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: “Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?”
Speedbird 206: “Stand by, Ground, I’m looking up our gate location now.”
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): “Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?”
Speedbird 206 (coolly): “Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, — And I didn’t land.”
While taxiing at London’s Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: “US Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it’s difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!” Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: “God! Now you’ve screwed everything up! It’ll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don’t move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour, and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?”
“Yes, ma’am,” the humbled crew responded. Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking: “Wasn’t I married to you once?”
Tower: “Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o’clock, 6 miles!”
Delta 351: “Give us another hint! We have digital watches!”
Here are some humorous tips on the subject of aviation:
* Takeoffs are optional. Landings are mandatory.
* If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back they get smaller. (unless you keep pulling the stick back — then they get bigger again)
* Flying is not dangerous; crashing is dangerous.
* The propeller is just a big fan in the front of the plane to keep the pilot cool. Want proof? Make it stop; then watch the pilot break out into a sweat.
* It’s best to keep the pointed end going forward as much as possible.
* Every one already knows the definition of a “good landing” is one from which you can walk away. But very few know the definition of a “great landing.” It’s one after which you can use the airplane another time.
* The probability of survival is equal to the angle of arrival.
* Those who hoot with the owls by night should not fly with the eagles by day.
* A helicopter is a collection of rotating parts going round and round and reciprocating parts going up and down — all of them trying to become random in motion. Helicopters can’t really fly — they’re just so ugly
that the earth immediately repels them.
* Trust your captain . . . . but keep your seat belt securely fastened.
* There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing: Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.
* A fool and his money are soon flying more airplane than he can handle.
* Try to keep the number of your landings equal to the number of your takeoffs.
* Gravity never loses! The best you can hope for is a draw.
* It’s better to be down here wishing you were up there, than up there wishing you were down here.
Everyone needs a little giggle every once in a while…especially under stressful situations. Some situations can cause a great deal of stress while people…who read about that situation can do nothing more than giggle when they read about the poor soul’s situation.
Such is the case of today’s “Giggle of the Day.”
You pick up a hitchhiker… A beautiful girl.
Suddenly, she faints inside your truck and
you take her to the hospital.
Now that’s stressful.
But at the hospital, they say she is pregnant and
congratulate you that you’re going to be a father.
You say that you are not the father, but the girl says you are.
This is getting very stressful!
You request a DNA test to prove that you are not the father.
After the tests are completed,
The doctor says the test shows you’re infertile,
And probably have been since birth.
You’re extremely stressed but relieved.
On your way back home, you think about your 5 kids at home.
I love children. I have been a Physical Education teacher for 30 years and throughout that time, I have heard many, many funny things. So, today, I am going to share some of those innocent but amusing things that children say…not only to me, but to others as well.
During a recess that I was supervising one day, a little third grade girl came up to me and asked, “What do yo want to be when you grow up?”
Grandma: “LJ (little James), you did a great job staying in bed at grandma’s house last night.”
LJ: “Well, I did get up one time, grandma.”
LJ: Yes, because I picked a booger with my finger and I needed my flashlight so nI cold look at it.”
A seven-year-old says, “I am not an oxymoron!”
A 6-year-old watched his dad tap the walls searching for support beams to hang his pictures. “Daddy, there is no one in there.”
Told to make up her mind, a little girl asks, “How do you put makeup on your mind?”
A 7-year-old boy to his 3-year-old sister: “Tell me when you are asleep, okay?”
“How is that going to work?” asks a new kindergartner, upon being told to hold up two fingers if he had to go to the bathroom.
A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather’s computer. She told him she was writing a story. “What’s it about?” he asked. “I don’t know,” she said. “I can’t read.”
One day day a little girl was standing next to me and stroking my eyebrow with her finger. When I asked what she was doing she said, “I’m your eyebrow petter.”
One day, after one of my Physical Education classes, the entire class got into a line behind a water fountain to get a drink. Suddenly, a little boy came up to me and asked, “Can I go to the nurse?” I asked him, “Nurse? Why? Why do you want to go and see her?” The boy replied, “I don’t know. Billy cut in line in front of me. When I told my friend Bobby that Billy cut me, he told me to go and see the nurse.”
A 3-year-old after being told that her shoes were on the wrong feet: “Don’t be silly, Mommy. I know they’re my feet.”
A friend of mine was resting during a family party when her niece came in to check on her. She told her that she didn’t feel well, that she had bad cramps. She then went outside and announced to everyone that “Aunt Kim doesn’t want to come to the party because she has CRABS, really bad ones!”
A little 4-year-old boy brought over his new puppy to his grandparents house one day. His grandma started scolding her cat because it kept hissing at the puppy. The little boy asked quizzically, “Why are you talking to the cat? They can’t talk!” A few minutes later, the small child started talking to his puppy, his grandma asked him, “Why are yo talking to your dog? They can’t talk?” The little boy replied, “I know grandma, but they are good listeners!”
A 3-year-old came inside and announced “I peed outside.” He was asked if his underwear was wet and my son proudly replied, “Nope, I peed on Luna. It was like a shower for her.”
One day a 4-year-old was upstairs and yelled, “ouch!” When he asked what happened he yelled down to me, “I stubbed my toe! The one that ate roast beef!”.
After getting in trouble for something a little boy said, “I’m only 5—I don’t know all the rules yet!”
Grandma: “Levi, if you were making a sandwich, what wold you pt on it?”
Levi: “Meat, cheese and ketchup…on a bun.”
Grandma: “Wold you call that a ‘Levi Sandwich’?”
Levi: No, you silly, I call it a cheeseburger!”
If you have any funny things that children have said to you, please feel free to share them, I might use them in a future post! Have a WONDERFUL day!!
May your stuffing be tasty May your turkey plump, May your potatoes and gravy Have nary a lump. May your yams be delicious And your pies take the prize, And may your Thanksgiving dinner Stay off your thighs!
Have you ever REALLY wondered why the Chicken crossed the road? Well the following answers are from famous people around the world. You will be enjoy reading there answers. Read them to find out what they are!
GEORGE W. BUSH
We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.
I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the American people.
Now at the left of the screen, you clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed access to the other side of the road.
MOHAMMED ALDOURI (Iraq’s former ambassador)
The chicken did not cross the road. This is a complete fabrication. We don’t even have a chicken.
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
The chicken’s habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.
To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.
I don’t know why the chicken crossed the road, but I’ll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I’ll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I’m talking about your money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross.
No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the farmer’s market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
Because the chicken was gay! Isn’t it obvious? Can’t you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the other side. That’s what they call it — the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like the other side.
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, The chicken crossed the road,
But why it crossed, I’ve not been told!
To die. In the rain. Alone.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
Isn’t that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road.
Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
It was an historical inevitability.
I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death its right to do it.
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but also will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook – and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?