A New Year and New Giggles

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Since it is the beginning of a new year, I decided, what better way to start off the year with something that will give you a little joy in your heart, put a smile on your face, make you giggle! I recently came across the following “test results” that may or may not be true…but are worth the laughs.

Here’s something to think about:

The following answers are from a student who obtained 0% on an exam (they seem logical to me!)

Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die? * his last battle

Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? * at the bottom of the page

Q3. River Ravi flows in which state? * liquid

Q4. What is the main reason for divorce? * marriage

Q5. What is the main reason for failure? * exams

Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast? * Lunch & dinner

Q7. What looks like half an apple? * The other half

Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become? * It will simply become wet

Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ? * No problem, he sleeps at night.

Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand? * You will never find an elephant that has only one hand.

Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have ? * Very large hands

Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it? * No time at all, the wall is already built.

Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it? *Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.

Hope you enjoyed the giggles!!

Have a wonderful day and find someone to share a smile with today! 🙂

Pearl Harbor—What God Did That Day

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Admiral Nimitz flew to Hawaii to assume command of the Pacific Fleet. He landed at Pearl Harbor on Christmas Eve, 1941.

There was a spirit of despair, dejection, and defeat—you would have thought the Japanese had already won the war.

On Christmas Day, 1941, Admiral Nimitz was given a boat tour of the destruction wrought on Pearl Harbor by the Japanese. Big sunken battleships and Navy vessels cluttered the waters everywhere you looked.

As the boat returned to the dock, the young helmsman of the boat asked, “Well, Admiral, what do you think after seeing all of this destruction?” Admiral Nimitz’s reply shocked everyone within the sound of his voice.

Admiral Nimitz said, “The Japanese made three of the biggest mistakes an attack force could ever make, or God was taking care of America. Which do you think it was?”

Shocked and surprised, the young helmsman asked, “What do you mean by saying the Japanese made the three biggest mistakes an attack force could ever make?”

Nimitz replied:

“Mistake number one: The Japanese attacked on a Sunday morning. Nine out of every ten crewmen of those ships were shore on leave. If those ships had been lured to sea and had been sunk—we would have lost 38,000 men instead of 3,8000.

 Mistake number two: When the Japanese saw all those battleships lined up in a row, they got so carried away sinking those battleships, they never once bombed our dry docks opposite those ships. If they had destroyed our dry docks, we would have had to tow everyone of those ships to America to get repaired.

Mistake number three: Every drop of fuel in the Pacific theater of war is in top of the ground storage tanks five miles away over that hill. One attack plane could have strafed those tanks and destroyed our fuel supply.

That’s why I say the Japanese made three of the biggest mistakes an attack force could make, or God was taking care of America.”

~ Author Unknown

*******************

Admiral Nimitz was able to see a silver lining in a situation and circumstance where everyone else only saw despair and defeatism.

President Roosevelt had chosen the right man for the right job. We desperately needed a leader that could see silver linings in the midst of the clouds of dejection, despair, and defeat.

There is a reason that tour national motto is “IN GOD WE TRUST”

Lest we never forget our soldiers and heroes from the past and our courageous military personnel of today.

Thank you to all our military personal for the sacrifices that you have made for the freedom that we enjoy today.

Happy Veteran’s Day!

FUNNY ANNOUNCEMENTS HEARD ON THE LONDON UNDERGROUND TUBE (SUBWAY)

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The British people are known for their clever and entertaining humor. The following is a list of actual announcements that London Tube train drivers have made to their passengers.

Enjoy!

1. “Ladies and Gentlemen, I do apologize for the delay to your service. I know you’re all dying to get home, unless, of course, you happen to be married to my ex-wife, in which case you’ll want to cross over to the Westbound and go in the opposite direction.”

2. “Your delay this evening is caused by the line controller suffering from E & B syndrome: not knowing his elbow from his backside. I’ll let you know any further information as soon as I’m given any.”

3. “Do you want the good news first or the bad news? The good news is that last Friday was my birthday and I hit the town and had a great time. The bad news is that there is a points failure somewhere between Stratford and East Ham, which means we probably won’t reach our destination.”

4. “Ladies and gentlemen, we apologise for the delay, but there is a security alert at Victoria station and we are therefore stuck here for the foreseeable future, so let’s take our minds off it and pass some time together. All together now…. ‘Ten green bottles, hanging on a wall…..”

5. “We are now travelling through Baker Street. As you can see, Baker Street is closed. It would have been nice if they had actually told me, so I could have told you earlier, but no, they don’t think about things like that.”

6. “Beggars are operating on this train. Please do NOT encourage these professional beggars. If you have any spare change, please give it to a registered charity. Failing that, give it to me.”

7. During an extremely hot rush hour on the Central Line, the driver announced in a West Indian drawl: “Step right this way for the sauna, ladies and gentleman, unfortunately, towels are not provided.”

8. “Let the passengers off the train FIRST!” (Pause ) “Oh go on then, stuff yourselves in like sardines, see if I care – I’m going home….”

9. “Please allow the doors to close. Try not to confuse this with ‘Please hold the doors open.’ The two are distinct and separate instructions.”

10. “Please note, that the beeping noise coming from the doors means that the doors are about to close. It does not mean throw yourself or your bags into the doors.”

11. “We can’t move off because some idiot has their hand stuck in the door.”

12. “To the gentleman wearing the long grey coat trying to get on the second carriage, what part of ‘stand clear of the doors’ don’t you understand?”

13. “Please move all baggage away from the doors.” (Pause..) “Please move ALL belongings away from the doors.” (Pause…) “This is a personal message to the man in the brown suit wearing glasses at the rear of the train: Put the pie down, Four-eyes and move your bloody golf clubs away from the door before I come down there and shove them up your arse sideways!”

14. “May I remind all passengers that there is strictly no smoking allowed on any part of the Underground. However, if you are smoking a joint, it’s only fair that you pass it round the rest of the carriage.”

Rules to Teach Your Son

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I recently discovered a terrific collection of some guidelines / rules that every parent should teach their son(s). We can ALL learn something from the following list…

Rules to Teach Your Son

  1. Never shake a man’s hand sitting down.
  2. Don’t enter a pool by the stairs.
  3. Always treat your girlfriend like a queen.
  4. In a negotiation, never make the first offer.
  5. Request the late check-out.
  6. When entrusted with a secret, keep it.
  7. Hold your heroes to a higher standard.
  8. Return a borrowed car with a full tank of gas.
  9. Play with passion or don’t play at all.
  10. When shaking hands, grip firmly and look them directly in the eye.
  11. Don’t let a wishbone grow where a backbone should be.
  12. If you need music on the beach, you’re missing the point.
  13. Carry two handkerchiefs. The one in your back pocket is for you. The one in your breast pocket is for her.
  14. You marry the girl, you marry her family.
  15. Be like a duck. Remain calm on the surface and paddle like crazy underneath.
  16. Experience the serenity of traveling alone.
  17. Never be afraid to ask out the best looking girl in the room.
  18. Never turn down a breath mint.
  19. A sport coat is worth 1000 words.
  20. Try writing your eulogy. Never stop revising.
  21. Thank a veteran.
  22. Eat lunch with the new kid.
  23. After writing an angry email, read it carefully then delete it.
  24. Ask your mom to play. She won’t let you win.
  25. Manners maketh the man.
  26. Give credit. Take the blame.
  27. Stand up to bullies. Protect those who are bullied.
  28. Write down your dreams.
  29. Take time to snuggle with your pets, they love you so much and are always happy to see you.
  30. Be confident and humble at the same time.
  31. If ever in doubt, remember whose son you are and refuse to just be ordinary.
  32. In all things, lead by example not explanation.
  33. Never embarrass your family through the actions you do.
  34. Your true character is shown when noone is looking.

Which one of the following “rules” is your favorite? Is there a “rule” that you could add to this list? Please share your favorite in the comment section 🙂

What Is the Size of God?

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Have you ever wondered how big God is? Well, I think that the following little story is a great illustration that might give you a better perspective of this age-old question…

Photo by Simon Berger from Pexels

A boy once asked his father, “What is the size of God?”

Then the father looked up at the sky and saw a plane and asked his son, “What is the size of the plane?”

The boy replied, “It is very small. I can hardly see it.”

Then the father took him to the airport. As they approached a plane, the father asked his son, “How big is the plane now?”

“Wow Dad, it’s huge!”, he yelled.

Then the father told him, “God’s size depends on how close or far you are from Him. The closer you are to Him, the greater and greater He will be in your life.”

GREAT WORDS OF WISDOM!

Remember folks…When it seems like God is far away, He is not the one that moved.

Wisdom From Shakespeare

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Shakespeare, one of the most famous writers in history, was known for great books such as “Romeo and Juliet”, “MacBeth”, “Hamlet”, “Julius Caesar” and a host of others. What some people don’t know is some Words of Wisdom that he shared with others.

Here are some of his gems…

I always feel happy, you know why?

Because I don’t expect anything from anyone.

Expectations always hurt…

Life is short,

So, love your life,

Be happy

And keep smiling

Just live for yourself

And before you speak…listen.

Before you write…think.

Before you spend…earn.

Before you pray…forgive.

Before you hurt…feel.

Before you hate…love.

Before you quit…try.

Before you die…live.

Great words from a great man!

What We Need to Teach Our Daughters

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Our children are our biggest blessings and our biggest responsibilities throughout out lifetime. I discovered the following ditty a few days ago which I think demonstrates a powerful reminder to us as parents.

We need to teach our daughters to know the difference between:

a man who flatters her

and a man who compliments her

a man who spends money on her

and a man who invests in her

a man who views her as property

and a man who views her property

a man who lusts after her

and a man who loves her

a man who believes he’s a gift to women

and a man who believes she’s a gift to him

And then we need to teach our sons to BE THAT KIND OF MAN!

~ Unknown

What Is A Dad?

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I recently came across this little poem about dads. While the name of the author is unknown, the message of this little ditty gives us a powerful picture of the goodness and love a father demonstrates to his children!

WHAT IS A DAD?

A dad is someone who

wants to catch you before you fall

but instead picks you up,

brushes you off, and lets you try again.

A dad is someone who

wants to keep you from making mistakes

but instead lets you find your way,

even though his heart breaks in silence

when you get hurt.

A dad is someone who

holds you when you cry,

scolds you when you break the rules,

shines with pride when you succeed,

and had faith in you even when you fail…

~ Unknown

What is a Grandparent?

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Have you ever sat back and thought to yourself, “What is a grandparent?” Who can we go to get a better understanding and an open and honest answer?

Well, the following answers might give you a few humorous ideas.

A third grade teacher asked her students this question, “What is a Grandparent?” Here are some of the best and funniest answers she got from her students.

Children really do have a wonderful view of our world!!!

1. Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of their own. The like other people’s (children).

2. A grandfather is a man and a grandmother is a lady.

3. Grandparents don’t have anything to do except be there when we come to see them. They are so old, they shouldn’t play hard or run. It is good if they drive us to the shops and give us money.

4. When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves or caterpillars.

5. The show us and talk to us about the colors of the flowers and also why we shouldn’t step on “cracks”.

6. They don’t say, “Hurry up.”

7. Usually grandmothers are fat but not too fat to tie your shoes.

8. The wear glasses and funny underwear.

9. They can take their teeth and gums out.

10. Grandparents don’t have to be smart.

11. They have to ask questions like “Why isn’t God married?” and “How come dogs chase cats?”

12. When they read to us, they don’t skip. They don’t mind if we ask for the same story over again.

13. Everybody should have a grandmother, especially if you don’t have television because they are the only grownups who like to spend time with us.

14. They know we should have a snack time before bed time, and they say prayers with us and kiss us even we’ve acted bad.

15. Grandpa is the smartest man on earth. He teaches me good things, but I don’t see him enough to get as smart as him.

16. It’s funny when they bend over; you hear gas leaks, and they blame their dog.

17. Grandma, she lives at the airport, and when we want her, we just go get her. Then when she is done having her visit, we take her back to the airport.

~ Daveswordsofwisdom.com

Which one of these were your favorite?

Ask one of your grandkids, or a young son/daughter, “What is a Grandparent?” and share what hey say 🙂

Getting Married at 80

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Marriage is sacred. It is a divine and sacrosanct union between two people. If a person is fortunate enough, they will be blessed with having a partner in which they can live with for a lifetime. Unfortunately, some marriages simply don’t work out or, due to misfortune, a spouse passes on. Some of those people may decide to marry again…maybe two or three times.

But four times?

Consider the following humorous story of an 80 year-old lady who decided to get married again for the fourth time!!

A local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband’s occupation.

“He’s a funeral director,” she answered.

“Interesting,” the newsman thought.

He then asked her if she wouldn’t mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.

She paused for a few minutes, needing time to reflect on all those years.

After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she first married a banker when she was in her early 20’s, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40’s, a preacher when she was in her 60’s, and now in her 80’s, a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers…

She smiled and explained, “I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.”

Smiling is good for the heart, laughing is good for the soul, and loving will keep you living, laughing, and loving

ENJOY YOUR LIFE!

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Diets, diets, diets. They are all around us and we are constantly bombarded on a daily basis with advertisements regarding weight loss, healthy lifestyles, increasing testosterone, etc. The list goes on and on. In a lot of ways they can certainly be tiring after a while.

Sooo, I decided to share with you some comical thoughts with you today in regards to why a healthy lifestyle isn’t always as good as it may seem.

Eat whatever you like because…

The inventor of the treadmill died at the age of 54

The inventor of gymnastics died at the age of 57

The world bodybuilding champion died at the age of 41

The best footballer on the world, Maradona, died at the age of 60

And then…

The KFC (Kentucky Fried Chicken) inventor died at the age of 94

The inventor of Nutella died at the age of 88

The cigarette maker, WInston, died at the age of 102

The inventor of opium died at 116 in an earthquake

How did doctors come to the conclusion that exercise prolongs life?

The rabbit is always jumping but only lives about 2 years while the turtle that doesn’t exercise at all, lives over 200 years.

So, the lesson to learned today…

Rest, chill, eat, drink, and enjoy life 🙂

Love Your Life

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Today I decided to share some encouraging and uplifting quotes from some well-known people who have been with us over the course of time. It is my hope that you can find one or two of these little quotes to be both motivating or encouraging to your body and soul 🙂

“Life is a shared experience” ~ Unknown

“Life is a song. Love is the music.” ~ Siméon Poisson

“Love goes towards love…” ~ William Shakespeare

“Love is a choice you make from moment to moment.” ~ Barbara De Angelis

“…a life spent loving…is a life well spent.” ~ Suzanne Clothier

“Hold tenderly that which you cherish…” ~ Bob Allen

“All, everything that I understand< I understand because of love.” ~ Leo Tolstoy

“Through love, through friendship, a heart lives more than one life…” ~ Anais Nin

“Familiar acts are beautiful through love.” ~ Percy Bysshe Shelley

“For love is heaven and heaven is love.” ~ Sir Walter Scott

“The heart that loves is always young.” ~ Greek Proverb

“…life was made for loving…” ~ Ella Wheeler Wilcox

“Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.” ~ Robert A. Heinlein

“Where there is love there is life.” ~ Mahatma Gandhi

“One is loved because one is loved. No reason is needed for loving.” ~ Paulo Coelho

“Nobody has ever measured, not even poets, how much love the heart can hold.” ~ Zelda Fitzgerald

“Do all things with love.” ~ Og Mandino

“Give all to love; obey thy heart.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

“All you need is love.” ~ John Lennon

There is only one happiness in life, to love and to be loved.” ~ George Sand

“And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love that you make.” ~ Paul McCartney

“With love and patience, nothing is impossible.” ~ Daisaku Ikeda

“The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds.” ~ Nicholas Sparks

“It’s your unlimited power to care and to love that can make the biggest difference in the quality of your life.” ~ Tony Robbins

“Breathe love in.” ~ Jay Woodman

WHich one of these quotes were your favorite? Why?

Have a happy and wonderful day!!

Feeling Insignificant?

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You may think that you are completely insignificant in this world but consider this…

But someone drinks coffee from the favorite cup that you gave them.

Someone heard a song on the radio that reminded them of you.

Someone read the book that you recommended and plunged headfirst into it.

Someone smiled after a hard day’s work because the remembered the joke that you told them today.

Someone loves themselves a little bit more because you gave them a compliment.

Never, ever think that you have no influence whatsoever.

Your trace, your impact, which you leave behind with every good deed, can never be erased!

~ Author Unknown

Growing Old

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Ahhh…getting old. We are all getting old and some of us faster than others…ha ha ha! Today’s little blog contains a collection of hilarious little quips/thoughts that I think all of us would enjoy as we continue our journey through this life.

Don’t be worried about your smartphone or TV spying on you. Your vacuum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for years.

If you can’t think of a word say “I forgot the English word for it.” That way people will think you’re bilingual instead of an idiot. 

I’m at a place in my life where errands are starting to count as going out. 

I’m getting tired of being part of a major historical event. 

I don’t always go the extra mile, but when I do it’s because I missed my exit. 

Ate salad for dinner. Mostly croutons and tomatoes. Really just one big round crouton covered with tomato sauce, and cheese. FINE, it was a pizza. OK, I ate a pizza! Are you happy now? 

I just did a week’s worth of cardio after walking into a spider web. 

I don’t mean to brag, but I finished my 14-day diet food supply in 3 hours and 20 minutes.

Senility has been a smooth transition for me.

Remember back when we were kids and every time it was below freezing outside they closed school? Yeah, Me neither. 

I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented. I forgot where I was going with this. 

I love approaching 80, I learn something new every day and forget 5 other things.

A thief broke into my house last night. He started searching for money so I got up and searched with him. 

I think I’ll just put an “Out of Order” sticker on my forehead and call it a day. 

Just remember, once you’re over the hill you begin to pick up speed. 

Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave the house. 

It’s weird being the same age as old people. 

When I was a kid I wanted to be older. This is not what I expected. 

Life is like a helicopter. I don’t know how to operate a helicopter. 

It’s probably my age that tricks people into thinking I’m an adult. 

Marriage Counselor: Your wife says you never buy her flowers. Is that true? Me : To be honest, I never knew she sold flowers. 

Never sing in the shower! Singing leads to dancing, dancing leads to slipping, and slipping leads to paramedics seeing you naked. So remember … Don’t sing! 

I see people about my age mountain climbing; I feel good getting my leg through my underwear without losing my balance. 

So if a cow doesn’t produce milk, is it a milk dud or an udder failure?

I’m at that age where my mind still thinks I’m 29, my humor suggests I’m 12, my body mostly keeps asking if I’m sure I’m not dead yet. 

You don’t realize how old you are until you sit on the floor and then try to get back up.

We all get heavier as we get older, because there’s a lot more information in our heads. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.