No Nursing Home for Me!

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No nursing home for me. I’ll be checking into a Holiday Inn!

With the average cost for nursing home care being approximately $275.00 per day, there is a better way to go when we get old and feeble.

I’ve already checked on reservations at the Holiday Inn.

For a combined long term stay discount and senior discount, it is $79.00 per night. Breakfast included, and some have happy hours in the afternoon.

That leaves $196.00 a day for lunch and dinner in any restaurant we want, or room service, laundry, gratuities, and special TV movies.

There is another big plus…they hotel also provides a spa, swimming pool, a workout room, a lounge, and washer dryer, etc. Most hotels have free toothpaste and razors, and all of them have free soap and shampoo.

If you give $10 worth of tips a day, you will have the entire staff scrambling to help you.

They will treat you like a customer…not a patient.

There is a city bus stop out front and seniors ride free. The handicap bus will also pick you up (if you fake a decent limp).

To meet other nice people, call a church bus on Sundays.

For a change of scenery, take the airport shuttle bus to the airport and eat at one of the nice restaurants there. While you are at the airport, fly somewhere…otherwise, the cash will keep building up.

It takes months and months to get into decent nursing homes. Holiday Inn will take your reservation today…and you are not stuck in one place forever. You can move from Inn to Inn, or even city to city. Want to see Hawaii? They have a Holiday Inn there too.

TV broken? Light bulbs need changing? Need a new mattress replaced? No problem. They fix everything and apologize for the inconvenience.

The Inn has a night security person and a daily room service. The maid checks to see if you are OK. If not, they call an ambulance…or the undertaker.

If you fall and break a hip, Medicare will pay for the hip, and Holiday Inn will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.

And no worries about visits from your family. They will always be glad to find you, and probably check in for a few days mini vacation and the grandkids can use the pool!

What more could I ask for?

So, when I reach that golden age…I will face it with a grin!!

~ Author Unknown

Getting Older

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It is funny how a person’s outlook on life changes as they get older….

I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now.

Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers..

I didn’t make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.

I decided to stop calling the bathroom the ‘John’ and renamed it the ‘Jim’. I feel so much better saying “I went to the Jim this morning”.

Old age is coming at a really bad time. When I was a child I thought “Nap Time” was a punishment. Now, as a grownup, it feels like a small vacation.

The biggest lie I tell myself is…”I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.”

I don’t have grey hair; I have “wisdom highlights” I’m just very wise.

Don’t ever ask me to bend down and touch my toes.  If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would have put them on my knees.

Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators We haven’t met yet.

Of course I talk to myself; sometimes when I need expert advice.

At my age “Getting lucky” means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.

Actually I’m not complaining because I am a Senager. (Senior teenager)

I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later.
– I don’t have to go to school or work.
– I have a driver’s license and my own car.
– I get an allowance every month.
– I have my own ipad (although I can’t recall where I kept it)
– I don’t have a curfew.

Life is great.

I have more friends I should send this to, but right now I can’t remember their names.
Now, I’m wondering…did I send this to you, or did you send it to me?

Have a good chuckle.

Laughter is Good Medicine!

Don’t Mess with Old People!

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It was beautiful sunny day and an old lady decided to go to her bank. The lady walked inside, up to the counter and handed her bank card to a bank teller and said, “I would like to withdraw $500.”

The teller told her, “For withdrawals less than $2,000, please use the ATM.”

The old lady wanted to know why…

The teller returned her bank card and irritable said to her, “These are the rules. Please leave if there is no other matter. There is a line behind you.”

The old lady remained silent for a few seconds then handed her card back to the teller and said, “Please help me withdraw all the money I have.”

The teller was astonished when she checked the account balance. She nodded her head, leaned down and respectfully told her, “My apologies Ma’am, you have $35 million in your account and our bank doesn’t have so much cash currently. Could you make an appointment and come back tomorrow?”

The old lady then asked how much she could withdraw immediately.

The teller told her any amount up to $250,000. “Well, please let me have $250,000 now”, she requested. The teller did so quickly, then handed it very friendly and respectfully to her elderly client.

The old lady put the $500 into her bag and asked the teller to deposit the balance of $249,500 back into her account.

——————-

Don’t be difficult to old people, they spent a lifetime learning the skills!

Dr. Geezer

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An elderly physician, Doctor Geezer, became very bored in retirement and decided to re-open a medical clinic.He put a sign up outside that said: “Dr. Geezer’s clinic: Get your treatment for $500 – if not cured, get back $1,000.

“Doctor Young, who was positive that this old geezer didn’t know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000.

So he went to Dr. Geezer’s clinic.

Dr. Young:  “Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me?

“Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from  box  22  and put 3 drops in Dr. Young’s mouth.

“Dr. Young: ‘Aaagh! — This is Gasoline!”

Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back. That will be $500.

————–

”Dr. Young, very annoyed, goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.

Dr. Young: “I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.

“Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from  box  22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.

“Dr. Young: “Oh, no you don’t — that’s Gasoline!” Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back. That will be $500.

————

“Dr. Young (now having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.

Dr. Young: “My eyesight has become weak — I can hardly see anything!”

Dr. Geezer: “Well, I don’t have any medicine for that so here’s your $1000 back” (giving him a $10 bill).

Dr. Young: “But this is only $10!”

Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500.”

————

Moral of the story —  Just because you’re “Young” doesn’t mean that you can outsmart an old Geezer.Remember:  Don’t make old people mad. They don’t like being old in the first place, so it doesn’t take much to tick them off.

ENJOY YOUR DAY!!!

Aging Like Sea Glass

seashore under white and blue sky during sunset

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I have bad news folks…we are all getting older! Have you ever considered how you want to age as you get older? Will you be someone who finishes your life bitter and crass? Will you be an individual full of regret of the things that you COULD have accomplished? Or will you be gratified and content knowing that you met all of your life’s goals and dreams?

How will you allow your experiences and happenings in your life shape you as the years go on?

I recently found the following poem that I think is a beautiful illustration of someone who has a fantastic goal of the kind of life that they would like to have. I hope that it encourages you.

———————

Sea Glass

I want to age like sea glass.

Smoothed by the tides

But not broken.

 

I want my hard edges to soften.

I want to ride the waves

and go with the flow.

 

I want to catch a wave

and let it carry me

to where I belong.

 

I want to be picked up

and held gently by

those who delight in my

well earned patina and

appreciate the changes I went

through to achieve that beauty.

 

I want to enjoy the journey

and always remember that if

you give the ocean something

breakable it will turn it into

something beautiful.

I want to age like sea glass.

 

~ Author Unknown

 

Author Unknown

Growing Old: An Encouragement for Women (and Men)

couple elderly man old

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Bad news folks…we are all getting older!! The creaky bones, heavy legs, achy joints, blurry vision, and a host of other “jewels” that will adorn us throughout our “Golden Years” is either here or just around the corner. For many people, the realization that our bodies are getting older and that our aging is getting more apparent as time goes on, can be a troublesome thought, or sometimes, just downright depressing.

What we older people need is some encouragement !!

Well, I have good news! A friend of mine from college recently posted the following little ditty that I thought would be a good thing to share with everyone and encouragement all of us “old people” (I am going to be 56 in a couple weeks) that we have much to be proud of!

“To all my female friends of “age”… Most of us are going through the next stage of our lives. We are at that age where we see the wrinkles, gray hair, extra pounds. Menopause has already showed up or just waiting around the corner. We see the pretty 25-year olds and sigh. But, we were 25, too, just like they will one day be our age. What they bring to the table with their youth and zest for life, we bring with our wisdom, experience and good hearts. For all we’ve been through earning each gray hair… raising kids, bills and ills and whatever else life brought you/us over the 30s, 40’s, 50’s, & 60’s we are survivors… we are warriors… we are women (and men). Like a classic car or fine wine. While our exterior may not be what it once was, it is traded for our spirit, our courage and our strength to enter this chapter of our lives with grace and pride for all we’ve been through and accomplished. Never feel bad about aging. It is a privilege denied to many.”

Have a great day everyone and remember what Samuel Ullman once said,

“Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm, wrinkles the soul.”