What is a Grandparent?

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Have you ever sat back and thought to yourself, “What is a grandparent?” Who can we go to get a better understanding and an open and honest answer?

Well, the following answers might give you a few humorous ideas.

A third grade teacher asked her students this question, “What is a Grandparent?” Here are some of the best and funniest answers she got from her students.

Children really do have a wonderful view of our world!!!

1. Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of their own. The like other people’s (children).

2. A grandfather is a man and a grandmother is a lady.

3. Grandparents don’t have anything to do except be there when we come to see them. They are so old, they shouldn’t play hard or run. It is good if they drive us to the shops and give us money.

4. When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves or caterpillars.

5. The show us and talk to us about the colors of the flowers and also why we shouldn’t step on “cracks”.

6. They don’t say, “Hurry up.”

7. Usually grandmothers are fat but not too fat to tie your shoes.

8. The wear glasses and funny underwear.

9. They can take their teeth and gums out.

10. Grandparents don’t have to be smart.

11. They have to ask questions like “Why isn’t God married?” and “How come dogs chase cats?”

12. When they read to us, they don’t skip. They don’t mind if we ask for the same story over again.

13. Everybody should have a grandmother, especially if you don’t have television because they are the only grownups who like to spend time with us.

14. They know we should have a snack time before bed time, and they say prayers with us and kiss us even we’ve acted bad.

15. Grandpa is the smartest man on earth. He teaches me good things, but I don’t see him enough to get as smart as him.

16. It’s funny when they bend over; you hear gas leaks, and they blame their dog.

17. Grandma, she lives at the airport, and when we want her, we just go get her. Then when she is done having her visit, we take her back to the airport.

~ Daveswordsofwisdom.com

Which one of these were your favorite?

Ask one of your grandkids, or a young son/daughter, “What is a Grandparent?” and share what hey say 🙂

Getting Married at 80

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Marriage is sacred. It is a divine and sacrosanct union between two people. If a person is fortunate enough, they will be blessed with having a partner in which they can live with for a lifetime. Unfortunately, some marriages simply don’t work out or, due to misfortune, a spouse passes on. Some of those people may decide to marry again…maybe two or three times.

But four times?

Consider the following humorous story of an 80 year-old lady who decided to get married again for the fourth time!!

A local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband’s occupation.

“He’s a funeral director,” she answered.

“Interesting,” the newsman thought.

He then asked her if she wouldn’t mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.

She paused for a few minutes, needing time to reflect on all those years.

After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she first married a banker when she was in her early 20’s, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40’s, a preacher when she was in her 60’s, and now in her 80’s, a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers…

She smiled and explained, “I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.”

Smiling is good for the heart, laughing is good for the soul, and loving will keep you living, laughing, and loving

Growing Old

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Ahhh…getting old. We are all getting old and some of us faster than others…ha ha ha! Today’s little blog contains a collection of hilarious little quips/thoughts that I think all of us would enjoy as we continue our journey through this life.

Don’t be worried about your smartphone or TV spying on you. Your vacuum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for years.

If you can’t think of a word say “I forgot the English word for it.” That way people will think you’re bilingual instead of an idiot. 

I’m at a place in my life where errands are starting to count as going out. 

I’m getting tired of being part of a major historical event. 

I don’t always go the extra mile, but when I do it’s because I missed my exit. 

Ate salad for dinner. Mostly croutons and tomatoes. Really just one big round crouton covered with tomato sauce, and cheese. FINE, it was a pizza. OK, I ate a pizza! Are you happy now? 

I just did a week’s worth of cardio after walking into a spider web. 

I don’t mean to brag, but I finished my 14-day diet food supply in 3 hours and 20 minutes.

Senility has been a smooth transition for me.

Remember back when we were kids and every time it was below freezing outside they closed school? Yeah, Me neither. 

I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented. I forgot where I was going with this. 

I love approaching 80, I learn something new every day and forget 5 other things.

A thief broke into my house last night. He started searching for money so I got up and searched with him. 

I think I’ll just put an “Out of Order” sticker on my forehead and call it a day. 

Just remember, once you’re over the hill you begin to pick up speed. 

Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave the house. 

It’s weird being the same age as old people. 

When I was a kid I wanted to be older. This is not what I expected. 

Life is like a helicopter. I don’t know how to operate a helicopter. 

It’s probably my age that tricks people into thinking I’m an adult. 

Marriage Counselor: Your wife says you never buy her flowers. Is that true? Me : To be honest, I never knew she sold flowers. 

Never sing in the shower! Singing leads to dancing, dancing leads to slipping, and slipping leads to paramedics seeing you naked. So remember … Don’t sing! 

I see people about my age mountain climbing; I feel good getting my leg through my underwear without losing my balance. 

So if a cow doesn’t produce milk, is it a milk dud or an udder failure?

I’m at that age where my mind still thinks I’m 29, my humor suggests I’m 12, my body mostly keeps asking if I’m sure I’m not dead yet. 

You don’t realize how old you are until you sit on the floor and then try to get back up.

We all get heavier as we get older, because there’s a lot more information in our heads. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

No Nursing Home for Me!

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No nursing home for me. I’ll be checking into a Holiday Inn!

With the average cost for nursing home care being approximately $275.00 per day, there is a better way to go when we get old and feeble.

I’ve already checked on reservations at the Holiday Inn.

For a combined long term stay discount and senior discount, it is $79.00 per night. Breakfast included, and some have happy hours in the afternoon.

That leaves $196.00 a day for lunch and dinner in any restaurant we want, or room service, laundry, gratuities, and special TV movies.

There is another big plus…they hotel also provides a spa, swimming pool, a workout room, a lounge, and washer dryer, etc. Most hotels have free toothpaste and razors, and all of them have free soap and shampoo.

If you give $10 worth of tips a day, you will have the entire staff scrambling to help you.

They will treat you like a customer…not a patient.

There is a city bus stop out front and seniors ride free. The handicap bus will also pick you up (if you fake a decent limp).

To meet other nice people, call a church bus on Sundays.

For a change of scenery, take the airport shuttle bus to the airport and eat at one of the nice restaurants there. While you are at the airport, fly somewhere…otherwise, the cash will keep building up.

It takes months and months to get into decent nursing homes. Holiday Inn will take your reservation today…and you are not stuck in one place forever. You can move from Inn to Inn, or even city to city. Want to see Hawaii? They have a Holiday Inn there too.

TV broken? Light bulbs need changing? Need a new mattress replaced? No problem. They fix everything and apologize for the inconvenience.

The Inn has a night security person and a daily room service. The maid checks to see if you are OK. If not, they call an ambulance…or the undertaker.

If you fall and break a hip, Medicare will pay for the hip, and Holiday Inn will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.

And no worries about visits from your family. They will always be glad to find you, and probably check in for a few days mini vacation and the grandkids can use the pool!

What more could I ask for?

So, when I reach that golden age…I will face it with a grin!!

~ Author Unknown

Getting Older

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It is funny how a person’s outlook on life changes as they get older….

I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now.

Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers..

I didn’t make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.

I decided to stop calling the bathroom the ‘John’ and renamed it the ‘Jim’. I feel so much better saying “I went to the Jim this morning”.

Old age is coming at a really bad time. When I was a child I thought “Nap Time” was a punishment. Now, as a grownup, it feels like a small vacation.

The biggest lie I tell myself is…”I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.”

I don’t have grey hair; I have “wisdom highlights” I’m just very wise.

Don’t ever ask me to bend down and touch my toes.  If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would have put them on my knees.

Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators We haven’t met yet.

Of course I talk to myself; sometimes when I need expert advice.

At my age “Getting lucky” means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.

Actually I’m not complaining because I am a Senager. (Senior teenager)

I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later.
– I don’t have to go to school or work.
– I have a driver’s license and my own car.
– I get an allowance every month.
– I have my own ipad (although I can’t recall where I kept it)
– I don’t have a curfew.

Life is great.

I have more friends I should send this to, but right now I can’t remember their names.
Now, I’m wondering…did I send this to you, or did you send it to me?

Have a good chuckle.

Laughter is Good Medicine!

Don’t Mess with Old People!

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It was beautiful sunny day and an old lady decided to go to her bank. The lady walked inside, up to the counter and handed her bank card to a bank teller and said, “I would like to withdraw $500.”

The teller told her, “For withdrawals less than $2,000, please use the ATM.”

The old lady wanted to know why…

The teller returned her bank card and irritable said to her, “These are the rules. Please leave if there is no other matter. There is a line behind you.”

The old lady remained silent for a few seconds then handed her card back to the teller and said, “Please help me withdraw all the money I have.”

The teller was astonished when she checked the account balance. She nodded her head, leaned down and respectfully told her, “My apologies Ma’am, you have $35 million in your account and our bank doesn’t have so much cash currently. Could you make an appointment and come back tomorrow?”

The old lady then asked how much she could withdraw immediately.

The teller told her any amount up to $250,000. “Well, please let me have $250,000 now”, she requested. The teller did so quickly, then handed it very friendly and respectfully to her elderly client.

The old lady put the $500 into her bag and asked the teller to deposit the balance of $249,500 back into her account.

——————-

Don’t be difficult to old people, they spent a lifetime learning the skills!

Dr. Geezer

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An elderly physician, Doctor Geezer, became very bored in retirement and decided to re-open a medical clinic.He put a sign up outside that said: “Dr. Geezer’s clinic: Get your treatment for $500 – if not cured, get back $1,000.

“Doctor Young, who was positive that this old geezer didn’t know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000.

So he went to Dr. Geezer’s clinic.

Dr. Young:  “Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me?

“Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from  box  22  and put 3 drops in Dr. Young’s mouth.

“Dr. Young: ‘Aaagh! — This is Gasoline!”

Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back. That will be $500.

————–

”Dr. Young, very annoyed, goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.

Dr. Young: “I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.

“Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from  box  22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.

“Dr. Young: “Oh, no you don’t — that’s Gasoline!” Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back. That will be $500.

————

“Dr. Young (now having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.

Dr. Young: “My eyesight has become weak — I can hardly see anything!”

Dr. Geezer: “Well, I don’t have any medicine for that so here’s your $1000 back” (giving him a $10 bill).

Dr. Young: “But this is only $10!”

Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500.”

————

Moral of the story —  Just because you’re “Young” doesn’t mean that you can outsmart an old Geezer.Remember:  Don’t make old people mad. They don’t like being old in the first place, so it doesn’t take much to tick them off.

ENJOY YOUR DAY!!!

Aging Like Sea Glass

seashore under white and blue sky during sunset

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I have bad news folks…we are all getting older! Have you ever considered how you want to age as you get older? Will you be someone who finishes your life bitter and crass? Will you be an individual full of regret of the things that you COULD have accomplished? Or will you be gratified and content knowing that you met all of your life’s goals and dreams?

How will you allow your experiences and happenings in your life shape you as the years go on?

I recently found the following poem that I think is a beautiful illustration of someone who has a fantastic goal of the kind of life that they would like to have. I hope that it encourages you.

———————

Sea Glass

I want to age like sea glass.

Smoothed by the tides

But not broken.

 

I want my hard edges to soften.

I want to ride the waves

and go with the flow.

 

I want to catch a wave

and let it carry me

to where I belong.

 

I want to be picked up

and held gently by

those who delight in my

well earned patina and

appreciate the changes I went

through to achieve that beauty.

 

I want to enjoy the journey

and always remember that if

you give the ocean something

breakable it will turn it into

something beautiful.

I want to age like sea glass.

 

~ Author Unknown

 

Author Unknown

Growing Old: An Encouragement for Women (and Men)

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Bad news folks…we are all getting older!! The creaky bones, heavy legs, achy joints, blurry vision, and a host of other “jewels” that will adorn us throughout our “Golden Years” is either here or just around the corner. For many people, the realization that our bodies are getting older and that our aging is getting more apparent as time goes on, can be a troublesome thought, or sometimes, just downright depressing.

What we older people need is some encouragement !!

Well, I have good news! A friend of mine from college recently posted the following little ditty that I thought would be a good thing to share with everyone and encouragement all of us “old people” (I am going to be 56 in a couple weeks) that we have much to be proud of!

“To all my female friends of “age”… Most of us are going through the next stage of our lives. We are at that age where we see the wrinkles, gray hair, extra pounds. Menopause has already showed up or just waiting around the corner. We see the pretty 25-year olds and sigh. But, we were 25, too, just like they will one day be our age. What they bring to the table with their youth and zest for life, we bring with our wisdom, experience and good hearts. For all we’ve been through earning each gray hair… raising kids, bills and ills and whatever else life brought you/us over the 30s, 40’s, 50’s, & 60’s we are survivors… we are warriors… we are women (and men). Like a classic car or fine wine. While our exterior may not be what it once was, it is traded for our spirit, our courage and our strength to enter this chapter of our lives with grace and pride for all we’ve been through and accomplished. Never feel bad about aging. It is a privilege denied to many.”

Have a great day everyone and remember what Samuel Ullman once said,

“Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm, wrinkles the soul.”