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Photo credit: Helena Lopes via Pexels

It is the end of another busy work week. There is no better time than now to reward yourself with some chuckles and giggles to bring joy to your soul.

Enjoy!

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Twinkle, Twinkle Little star,

Point me to the nearest bar.

 

I picked up a hitchhiker. Seemed like a nice guy.

After a few miles, he asked me if I wasn’t afraid that he might be a serial killer?

I told him that the odds of two serial killers in the same car were extremely unlikely.

 

It has been a bit of a strange day! First, I found a hat full of money. Then I was chased by an angry man with a guitar…

 

“Lead me not into temptation” …Oh who am I kidding? Follow me…I know a shortcut.

 

My heart says chocolate and wine, but my jeans say, give me a break…EAT A SALAD!

 

I asked my wife if I was the one that she had been with. She said yes, all the others had been nines and tens…

 

PUBS. The official sunblock of Ireland!

 

I went line dancing last night. Well, it was a roadside sobriety test…same thing.

 

I don’t think the therapist is supposed to say “wow,” that many times in your first session but here we are.

 

Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons, and electrons…they forgot to mention morons.

 

Getting older is just one body part after another saying, “Ha! Ha! Ha! You think that’s bad? Watch this.”

 

My wife asked me to take her to one of those restaurants where they make the food right in front of you. So, I took her to Subway…and that’s how the fight started.

 

Patience is a virtue. It’s just not one of my virtues.

 

Me: (Sobbing my heart out, eyes swollen, nose red) …I can’t see you anymore…I am not going to let you hurt me like this again!

Trainer: It was a sit up… you did ONE sit up!

 

Therapist: Your wife says that you never buy her flowers…is that true?

Him: To be honest, I never knew that she sold flowers.

 

Sex After Surgery

A recent article in the Daily Post reported that a man, Dave Harper, has sued St. Paul’s Hospital, saying that after his wife had surgery there, she lost all interest in sex.

A hospital spokesman replied:

“Mrs. Harper was admitted for cataract surgery. All we did was correct her eyesight.”

 

I may be wrong, but I doubt it.

 

9 out of 10 husbands agree that their husbands are always right. The 10th one mysteriously disappeared and hasn’t been heard from since.

 

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I hope that some of these quips brought a smile to your face. Have a WONDERFUL day!!