Are you having a lousy day and need something to make you smile? Then today’s little story is just for you!
Enjoy!
A woman was flying from Melbourne to Brisbane …
Unexpectedly, the plane was diverted to Sydney.
The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft the plane would re-board in 50 minutes.
Everybody got off the plane except one lady who was blind.
A man had noticed her as he walked by and could tell the lady was blind because her Seeing Eye Dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of her throughout the entire flight.
He could also tell she had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached her, and calling her by name, said, ‘Kathy, we are in Sydney for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?’
The blind lady replied, ‘No thanks, but maybe Max would Like to stretch his legs.’
Now Picture This:
All the people in the gate area came to a complete standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with a Seeing Eye dog!
The pilot was even wearing sunglasses.
People scattered.
They not only tried to change planes, but they were trying to change airlines!
The Holiday Season can be a time of great stress and make people anxious as they rush around stores, malls, etc., to find gifts and presents for the family, friends, and loved ones. Whether it be preparing dinners, snacks or great feasts, getting ready for the relatives, the list goes on and on. After a while, it can simply become overwhelming.
Well, today, I have good news for you! I collected a few quips about the Holiday Season that, I hope, will bring a smile to your face, gladness in your heart, and a giggle or two, to help brighten your day.
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“Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.” – Victor Borge
“For Christmas this year, try giving less. Start with less attitude. There’s more than enough of that in the world as it is – and people will usually just give it back anyway!” – Anne Bristow
“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.” – Shirley Temple
“The one thing women don’t want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.” – Joan Rivers
“Christmas, here again. Let us raise a loving cup; Peace on earth, goodwill to men, and make them do the washing up.” – Wendy Cope
“It’s all fun and games until Santa checks the Naughty List”. – Anon
“Christmas: the only time of year that you can sit in front of a dead tree eating candy from socks”. – Anonymous
“Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money.” – Unknown
“Three phrases that sum up Christmas are: Peace on Earth, Goodwill to Men, and Batteries not Included.” – Unknown
“The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn’t for any religious reasons. They couldn’t find three wise men”. – Jay leno
“I set a personal record on Christmas. I got my shopping done three weeks ahead of time. I had all the presents back at my apartment, I was halfway through wrapping them, and I realized, ‘I used the wrong wrapping paper.’ The paper I used said, ‘Happy Birthday.’ I didn’t want to waste it, so I just wrote ‘Jesus’ on it.” – Demetri Martin
“People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas.” – Unknown
“Christmas is a magical time of year… I just watched all my money magically disappear.” – Unknown
“Even before Christmas has said Hello, it’s saying ‘Buy Buy’.” – Robert Paul
“Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.” – Unknown
“You know you are getting old, when Santa starts looking younger”. – Bart Simpson
“One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don’t clean it up too quickly”. – Andy Rooney
“Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall”. – Larry Wilde
“I’m dreaming of a white Christmas. But if the white runs out I’ll drink the red”. – Unknown
“Three Wise WOMEN would have asked directions, arrived on time, helped deliver the baby, bought practical gifts, cleaned the stable, made a casserole, and there would be peace on earth”!
– Anonymous
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“At Christmas, all roads lead home”. – Marjorie Holmes
Everyone comes from a family and it goes without saying that problems and negative situations will occasionally show their ugly heads. But the one thing that some just can’t seem to figure out is the family and relative terminology such as who is their second or third cousin, great uncle, etc. Stuff like this can drive us crazy. They can really create turmoil and misunderstanding.
But…
If you think your family has problems figuring this stuff out, consider the marriage mayhem created when 76-year-old Bill Baker of London recently wed Edna Harvey. She happened to be his granddaughter’s husband’s mother. That’s where the confusion began, according to Baker’s granddaughter, Lynn.
“My mother-in-law is now my step-grandmother. My grandfather is now my stepfather-in-law. My mom is my sister-in-law and my brother is my nephew. But even crazier is that I’m now married to my uncle and my own children are my cousins.”
From this experience, Lynn should gain profound insight into the Theory of Relativity.
Ah! The innocence of youth, If you ever want to hear “the truth” or “honest opinion” from someone…just ask a kid. On the other hand, children can be mysterious. You never know what precious “words of wisdom” may come out of their mouths and many times, you can’t keep yourself from smiling, giggling, or down-right laughing.
I recently asked a few of my friends to share with me some funny stories about some of the things that their young children have said or done. It is my great pleasure to share with you some of these stories from my dear friends Crystal, Mimi, Caroline, Heidi, Sabrina, and a few others selected from around the web. So, without further ado, sit back read on, and get ready for some stories that will be certain to put a smile on your face and some warmth in your soul!
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Lulu: “What is a paparazzi?”
Mom: “People who take pictures of famous celebrities.”
Lulu: “What’s a celebrity?”
Mom: “Someone who everyone knows.”
Lulu: “Like Taylor Swift or God?”
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Levi: “Can I please have another cookie?”
Gigi: “No, but I have something more important to tell you…”
Levi: There is nothing more important than cookies!”
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Dylan: “My shoes are tired.” (instead of, “My feet hurt or I’m tired.”)
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“When it thunders, my son always says, “God must be really hungry!” (As if he is saying that the sky/heaven is God’s belly)
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A men’s boxer brief commercial was advertising on the TV when Crystal’s little girl explained to her how the “extra room” zone was actually just a kangaroo pouch!
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The other day, Sabrina and her little boy were down by the sea looking at a lighthouse when he suddenly, ” blurted out, “holy ship!” He looked at his mom in awe and said, “whooooo Baby! Holy ship mama…” People who were standing around them turned and started laughing. Sabrina informed everyone, “He said SHIP! I swear!” The world will never know…
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A little while ago, Eddie brought his daughter to the doctor’s office for one of his visits. She kept asking her dad if things hurt him. “Are your ears OK? Does your throat hurt? Do you have a belly ache?” Then, the loudest question of all…one that made everyone look up and stare at Eddie…” Daddy! Does your hiney hole hurt?”
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Gigi: “You did a good job staying in your bed at Gigi’s last night.”
Levi: Well, I did get up one time, Gigi.”
Gigi: “Really?”
Levi: “Yes, because I picked a booger with my finger and I needed a flashlight so I could look at it.”
SMH, such a boy!
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Crystal walked into her little girl the other day and found her putting on her deodorant. Her daughter said that she had to put her “armpit tickler protector on.” Obviously, it is made to prevent tickle attacks, not excess sweating or smells 😊
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Levi brought over a new puppy the other day when he saw Po (his grandpa) scolding the cat for hissing at him.
Levi: “Po, why are you talking to the cat? Don’t you know that cats can’t talk?”
A few minutes later, when Levi was talking to his puppy…
Po: “Levi, why are you talking to the dog? Don’t you know that dogs can’t talk?”
Levi: “I know Po, but they are good listeners!”
Po: Well, you got me there!”
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A three-year-old boy went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother, “There were two boy kittens and two girl kittens.” “How did you know?” his mother asked. “Daddy picked them up and looked underneath,” he replied. “I think it’s printed on the bottom.”
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On the first day of school, the Kindergarten teacher said, “If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers.” A little voice from the back of the room asked, “How will that help?”
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After dinner, one night, Caroline’s little boy’s tummy made a noise…probably digesting what he just ate…when he says to everyone, “My tummy is saying thank you!”
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Me: Did you know that she has a baby in her belly? (referring to a pregnant co-worker)
Kid: (horrified) You ate your baby?!
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During an elementary recess, a 2nd grader approached her Physical Education teacher who was on Recess Duty…
Lara: “Coach, can I ask you a question?”
Coach: “Yes Lara, what is it?”
Lara: “What do you want to be when you grow up?”
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6-Year-Old: “Is kindergarten two years?”
Teacher: “No, just one.”
6-Year-Old: Well, it felt like two!”
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We say that we go to work to pay the bills a lot because now my son, Dylan, thinks that’s what we do for a living says his mom. When he asks, “Where’s daddy?” and I tell him that he’s at work, he responds by saying, “Daddy’s paying the bills.” When I asked him, “what does daddy do at work?” Dylan answered, “Daddy pays the bills.”
Dylan loves picking up his toy toolbox and say he’s going to work. The other day, when he was asked what he was going to do, he said, “I am going to pay the bills and mortgage.” Adorable!
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“Children are our greatest treasure. They are our future.” ~ Nelson Mandela
Welcome to the second installment of “Children Say the Funniest Things.” As I stated in my previous installment, “Children Say the Funniest Things Part One,” I am a Physical Education teacher and have taught children on all levels…from Kindergarten to college. It has always ben one of my favorite things about teaching and fatherhood to listen to what kids say in certain situations or give their answers to…what we as adults think…simple questions.
So, sit back, relax, grab a cup of your favorite beverage and maybe a snack…and get ready to enjoy a giggle, a chuckle, or a good laugh.
A four year old girl was drinking a cup of cold orange juice when she suddenly got the hiccups. “Don’t give me this juice again,” she said. “It makes my teeth cough.”
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A second-grade city school teacher decided to take her class on a trip to a farm. When they returned to school at the end of the day, she asked the children: “What were some of the sounds that you heard on your trip to the farm today?”
“Mooooo”
“Meow!!”
“Quack! Quack!”
“Baaaa!”
“Hey! Get off my tractor!!!”
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Five-year-old, Deana, asked her Granny how old she was. Her grandmother said that she was so old that she had forgotten her age.
“Well, then, Granny you have to look on the back of your underpants. Mine says five to six.”
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A nine-year-old daughter walked into her mother’s bedroom as she was getting ready for work.
“What are you doing?,” she asked.
“Putting on my wrinkle cream,” the mother answered.
“Oh,” she said, walking away. “I thought that they were natural.”
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Edith was a five-year-old and she had an earache. She knew where to find the painkillers but she couldn’t open the bottle. She brought the bottle to her mother, who explained that it was a childproof bottle that only adult could open. Eyes wide open with wonder, Edith said, “but how does it know it’s ME?”
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The mother of a three-year-old was surprised to hear him say, “yes, sir,” to her. She explained the “sir” was for men and “ma’ma” for women.
So, what would you say to Daddy?”
“Wes, sir.”
“Very good. And to Mama?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“ And to grandma?”
The little boy’s face lit up as he replied, “Can I have a cookie?”
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A six-year-old girl, Angela, returned home from school and told her mom that they had their first family planning lesson that day. Wondering what it could be about, her mother asks, “How did it go?”
“I was so ashamed!” said the little girl.
“Billy from across the street said that the stork brings babies.” Nancy, our next door neighbor, said that you can buy babies from the orphanage. Johnny said that his little sister was bought in a hospital.”
Laughing and giggling a little bit, her mom said, “But that’s no reason to be ashamed!”
“No, but I couldn’t tell them that we were so poor that you and Daddy had to make me yourselves!”
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A teacher gave her second grade class a lesson on the magnet and what it does. The next day, in a written test, she included the question, “My full name has six letters. The first one is M. I am strong and attractive. I pick up tings. What am I?”
When the test papers were turned in, almost half of the students answered the question with the word…”Mother.”
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Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, “Why is a bride dressed in white?”
“Because it is the color of happiness,” explained her mother. “And today is the happiest day of her life!”
The child thought of it for a moment, then asked, “Why is the groom wearing black then?”
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Teacher: “How old is your father?”
Kid: “He is 6 years old.”
Teacher: “What? How is that possible?”
Kid: “He became a father only when I was born
**Logic: Children are quick and always speak their minds 🙂
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Teacher: “Maria, go to the map and find North America.”
Maria: “Here it is.”
Teacher: “Correct. Now class, who discovered America?”
Class: “Maria!”
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Teacher: “How do you spell ‘crocodile’?”
Tommy: “K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L”
Teacher: “No, that’s wrong.”
Tommy: Maybe it is wrong…but you asked me how I spell it.”
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Teacher: “What is the chemical formula for water?”
Kevin: “H I J K L M N O.”
Teacher: “What are you talking about?”
Kevin: “Yesterday you said it was H to O>”
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Teacher: “Clyde, your composition on ‘My Dog’ is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you copy his?”
Clyde: “No sir. It’s the same dog.”
(I love this kid! I want to adopt him 🙂
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Last but not least….
Teacher: “What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?”
Franklin: “A Teacher.”
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I hope that you enjoyed these short stories. Look for the 3rd installment of “Children Say the Funniest Things” sometime in the future.
If you have a funny story to share, please feel free to do so!!
Most of you who have been following my blog over the years, know that I am a Physical Education/Health teacher and a coach and have loved my job throughout the past 31 years. The one constant during those years have been the joy and excitement that I receive from my students. Their passion, zeal, and enthusiasm about life is contagious. This kind of positive atmosphere usually always uplifts my spirits, enlightens my soul, makes me smile. Every day of school is a new adventure..you never know what is going to happen…what will be said or what will be done by these young people. Usually, the younger they are, the funnier things happen.
So, it should be no surprise, that one of the things that I enjoy posting from time-to-time are some of the silly, hilarious, and downright goofy things that kids do…and sometimes teach us. Such is the case with today’s article. The following is a collection of some of these kinds of things. I hope that these bring a smile to your face and a chuckle to your heart. Hey! You may even learn some things about ceiling fans today as well 🙂
Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence. …
Super glue is forever. …
No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can’t walk on water.
Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
DVD players do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving. …
You probably do not want to know what that odor is. …
Always look in the oven before you turn it on.
Plastic toys do not like ovens.
The fire department in Orlando, FL has an 8 minute response time.
The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy.
The spin cycle on the washing machine does make cats dizzy.
Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite. …
A 3 year-old’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant. …
When you hear the toilet flush and the words “Uh-oh”, it’s already too late. …
Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it. …
A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.
A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2,000 sq foot house 4 inches deep.
Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old.
If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a superman cape….
It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room. …
You should not throw baseballs up in the air when the ceiling fan is on. …
When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.
A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
There is nothing better in the world than a nice, big laugh…a good belly-laugh. Laughing and smiling is an awesome remedy for the soul. It can brighten your day. It can turn a dark time into an enjoyable light. It’s funny how an individuals view of life can sometimes drastically change when they “take the frown and turn it upside-down.”
I recently came across the following story which demonstrates to us the wonderful power of the gift of laughter. It is my hope that this story might help someone who may be suffering some kind of hardship.
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Many years ago, Norman Cousins was diagnosed as “terminally ill”. He was given six months to live. His chance for recovery was 1 in 500.
He could see the worry, depression and anger in his life contributed to, and perhaps helped cause, his disease. He wondered, “If illness can be caused by negativity, can wellness be created by positivity?”
He decided to make an experiment of himself. Laughter was one of the most positive activities he knew. He rented all the funny movies he could find – Keaton, Chaplin, Fields, the Marx Brothers. (This was before VCRs, so he had to rent the actual films.) He read funny stories. He asked his friends to call him whenever they said, heard or did something funny.
His pain was so great he could not sleep. Laughing for 10 solid minutes, he found, relieved the pain for several hours so he could sleep.
He fully recovered from his illness and lived another 20 happy, healthy and productive years. (His journey is detailed in his book, Anatomy of an Illness.) He credits visualization, the love of his family and friends, and laughter for his recovery.
Some people think laughter is a waste of time. It is a luxury, they say, a frivolity, something to indulge in only every so often.
Nothing could be further from the truth. Laughter is essential to our equilibrium, to our well-being, to our aliveness. If we’re not well, laughter helps us get well; if we are well, laughter helps us stay that way.
Since Cousins’ ground-breaking subjective work, scientific studies have shown that laughter has a curative effect on the body, the mind and the emotions.
So, if you like laughter, consider it sound medical advice to indulge in it as often as you can. If you don’t like laughter, then take your medicine – laugh anyway.
Use whatever makes you laugh – movies, sitcoms, Monty Python, records, books, New Yorker cartoons, jokes, friends.
Give yourself permission to laugh – long and loud and out loud – whenever anything strikes you as funny. The people around you may think you’re strange, but sooner or later they’ll join in even if they don’t know what you’re laughing about.
Some diseases may be contagious, but none is as contagious as the cure. . . laughter.
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By Peter McWilliams
From “Chicken Soup for the Surviving Soul”
I enjoy hearing funny conversations that go on between people during their everyday lives. Today, I am posting some of the hilarious statements that were made between airport control towers and airline pilots. I found these on the great web sites, tickld.com and freemaninstitute.com. I hope you enjoy them as much as I did!
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Tower: “TWA 2341, for noise reduction turn right 45 Degrees.”
TWA 2341: “Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?”
Tower: “Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?”
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From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: “I’m f-ing bored!”
Ground Traffic Control: “Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!”
Unknown aircraft: “I said I was f-ing bored, not f-ing stupid!”
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O’Hare Approach Control to a 747: “United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o’clock, three miles, Eastbound.”
United 329: “Approach, I’ve always wanted to say this…I’ve got the little Fokker in sight.”
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A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long rollout after touching down.
San Jose Tower noted: “American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able.
If you are not able, take the Guadelupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport.”
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A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich, overheard the following:
Lufthansa (in German): “Ground, what is our start clearance time?”
Ground (in English): “If you want an answer you must speak in English.”
Lufthansa (in English): “I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?”
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): “Because you lost the bloody war!”
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Tower: “Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency 124.7”
Eastern 702: “Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway.”
Tower: “Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?”
BR Continental 635: “Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern… we’ve already notified our caterers.”
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The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one’s gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.
Speedbird 206: “Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway.”
Ground: “Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven.”
The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: “Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?”
Speedbird 206: “Stand by, Ground, I’m looking up our gate location now.”
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): “Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?”
Speedbird 206 (coolly): “Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, — And I didn’t land.”
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While taxiing at London’s Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: “US Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it’s difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!” Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: “God! Now you’ve screwed everything up! It’ll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don’t move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour, and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?”
“Yes, ma’am,” the humbled crew responded. Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking: “Wasn’t I married to you once?”
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Tower: “Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o’clock, 6 miles!”
Delta 351: “Give us another hint! We have digital watches!”
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Here are some humorous tips on the subject of aviation:
* Takeoffs are optional. Landings are mandatory.
* If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back they get smaller. (unless you keep pulling the stick back — then they get bigger again)
* Flying is not dangerous; crashing is dangerous.
* The propeller is just a big fan in the front of the plane to keep the pilot cool. Want proof? Make it stop; then watch the pilot break out into a sweat.
* It’s best to keep the pointed end going forward as much as possible.
* Every one already knows the definition of a “good landing” is one from which you can walk away. But very few know the definition of a “great landing.” It’s one after which you can use the airplane another time.
* The probability of survival is equal to the angle of arrival.
* Those who hoot with the owls by night should not fly with the eagles by day.
* A helicopter is a collection of rotating parts going round and round and reciprocating parts going up and down — all of them trying to become random in motion. Helicopters can’t really fly — they’re just so ugly
that the earth immediately repels them.
* Trust your captain . . . . but keep your seat belt securely fastened.
* There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing: Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.
* A fool and his money are soon flying more airplane than he can handle.
* Try to keep the number of your landings equal to the number of your takeoffs.
* Gravity never loses! The best you can hope for is a draw.
* It’s better to be down here wishing you were up there, than up there wishing you were down here.
I love children. I have been a Physical Education teacher for 30 years and throughout that time, I have heard many, many funny things. So, today, I am going to share some of those innocent but amusing things that children say…not only to me, but to others as well.
During a recess that I was supervising one day, a little third grade girl came up to me and asked, “What do yo want to be when you grow up?”
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Grandma: “LJ (little James), you did a great job staying in bed at grandma’s house last night.”
LJ: “Well, I did get up one time, grandma.”
Grandma: “Really?”
LJ: Yes, because I picked a booger with my finger and I needed my flashlight so nI cold look at it.”
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A seven-year-old says, “I am not an oxymoron!”
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A 6-year-old watched his dad tap the walls searching for support beams to hang his pictures. “Daddy, there is no one in there.”
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Told to make up her mind, a little girl asks, “How do you put makeup on your mind?”
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A 7-year-old boy to his 3-year-old sister: “Tell me when you are asleep, okay?”
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“How is that going to work?” asks a new kindergartner, upon being told to hold up two fingers if he had to go to the bathroom.
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A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather’s computer. She told him she was writing a story. “What’s it about?” he asked. “I don’t know,” she said. “I can’t read.”
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One day day a little girl was standing next to me and stroking my eyebrow with her finger. When I asked what she was doing she said, “I’m your eyebrow petter.”
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One day, after one of my Physical Education classes, the entire class got into a line behind a water fountain to get a drink. Suddenly, a little boy came up to me and asked, “Can I go to the nurse?” I asked him, “Nurse? Why? Why do you want to go and see her?” The boy replied, “I don’t know. Billy cut in line in front of me. When I told my friend Bobby that Billy cut me, he told me to go and see the nurse.”
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A 3-year-old after being told that her shoes were on the wrong feet: “Don’t be silly, Mommy. I know they’re my feet.”
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A friend of mine was resting during a family party when her niece came in to check on her. She told her that she didn’t feel well, that she had bad cramps. She then went outside and announced to everyone that “Aunt Kim doesn’t want to come to the party because she has CRABS, really bad ones!”
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A little 4-year-old boy brought over his new puppy to his grandparents house one day. His grandma started scolding her cat because it kept hissing at the puppy. The little boy asked quizzically, “Why are you talking to the cat? They can’t talk!” A few minutes later, the small child started talking to his puppy, his grandma asked him, “Why are yo talking to your dog? They can’t talk?” The little boy replied, “I know grandma, but they are good listeners!”
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A 3-year-old came inside and announced “I peed outside.” He was asked if his underwear was wet and my son proudly replied, “Nope, I peed on Luna. It was like a shower for her.”
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One day a 4-year-old was upstairs and yelled, “ouch!” When he asked what happened he yelled down to me, “I stubbed my toe! The one that ate roast beef!”.
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After getting in trouble for something a little boy said, “I’m only 5—I don’t know all the rules yet!”
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Grandma: “Levi, if you were making a sandwich, what wold you pt on it?”
Levi: “Meat, cheese and ketchup…on a bun.”
Grandma: “Wold you call that a ‘Levi Sandwich’?”
Levi: No, you silly, I call it a cheeseburger!”
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If you have any funny things that children have said to you, please feel free to share them, I might use them in a future post! Have a WONDERFUL day!!
Every once in a while, I come across a story that touches my heart, brings a smile to my face and a giggle to my soul. Such is the case with today’s story.
Doug Smithberger is on his deathbed at Allegheny General Hospital and knows the end is near.
His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons are with him.
He asks for 2 witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak:
My son, “Bernie, I want you to take all the West End houses.””
My daughter “Sybil, you take the apartments over in the Bottoms and up toward Neville Island.””
My son, “Jamie, I want you to take the offices and apartments over in Neville Island and Coraopilis.”
“Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the banks of the river between McKees Rocks and Coraopolis and up the valley toward the airport.”
The nurse and witnesses are blown away as they did not realize his extensive holdings, and as Doug slips away, the nurse says,
“Mrs. Smith, your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property”.
Sarah replies, “Property ? …. the jerk had a paper route!”
HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! I hope this brought a smile to your face and made your day a little brighter! Love life and smile often.
I love cats! When I was a kid, we used to have many cats running, sleeping and playing around the house. Both of my parents really enjoyed having the critters around and my grandmother, who lived with us, loved them as one of her own grandchildren.
One of the funniest things I enjoy watching, are cats doing silly, funny, and surprising things. Sometimes, they make me laugh so hard that they make me cry.
So, what I decided to do today was to share some of these funny gifs with you (gifs are small movies, that last a few seconds). I think that you will find yourself giggling and laughing at the silliness and stupidity of our furry friends.
So, without further ado, let the laughs, snickers, and giggles begin!!
And away we go!Peek-A-Boo…I see you!Itsy Bitsy spider…..“I’m a monster!”“Has anyone seen Kitty?”King of the Hill!“Ok….enough of you Psycho cat!”Stop Thief!What the ?????“Wait….what was that??”Hit the SNOOZE buttonGeronimo!Houston…we have lift off!HA! HA! HA!
I enjoy hearing funny conversations that go on between people during their everyday lives. Today, I am posting some of the hilarious statements that were made between airport control towers and airline pilots. I found these on the great web sites, 
