I have been a teacher for 30 years and one of the great things about my profession, is that you never know what might happen each day when I come to school. So, it is with much amusement, that when I find (or experience) something funny, I enjoy sharing it with others.
So it is with today’s story. It is told from the perspective of a veteran teacher during one of her “Show and Tell” sessions which she had in her class on a weekly basis.
I’ve been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade class a few years back.
Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an infant. “This is Luke, my baby brother, and I am going to tell you about his birthday. First, Mommy and Daddy made him a symbol of their love, and then Daddy put a seed in my mother’s stomach. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.” She’s standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I’m trying not to laugh and wishing I had a video camera rolling. The kids are watching her in amazement.
“Then, about two Saturdays ago, my mother starts going, “Oh, oh, oh!” Erica puts her hand behind her back and groans. “She walked around the house for, like an hour, “Oh, oh, oh!” Now this kid is doing this hysterical duck-walk, holding her back and groaning. “My father called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn’t have a sign on the car like the Domino’s man. They got my mother to lay down in bed like this.” Erica lies down with her back against the wall. “And then, POP! My mother had this bad of water she kept in there just in case she got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like pssshhheeeww!”
The kid has her legs spread and with her little hands is miming water flowing away. It was too much!
Then the middle wife starts going push, push, and breath, breathe. They start counting, but they never even get past 10. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered with yucky stuff they said was from the play-center, so there must be a lot of stuff inside there.”
The Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I’m sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, if it’s Show-and-Tell Day, I bring my camcorder – just in case another “Middle Wife” come along.