We all know the importance of daily exercise and all the benefits that it can bring. For people who are over 50 years of age, like me, the following exercise regimen might be one that you may find attainable!
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Stand on a comfortable surface.
With a 5-pound potato sack in each hand, extend your arms out horizontally and hold that position for one minute, then relax.
Each day you will find that you can hold this position a little longer.
After two weeks, move up to 10-pound potato sacks.
After one month, try 60-pound potato sacks.
Eventually, you will be able to lift 100-pound sacks in each hand, holding your arms out for one minute.
After you feel confident at this level…put a potato in each sack!!
Photo Credit: BiblioArchives / LibraryArchives via Flickr
I came across a short article about Microsoft co-founder, Bill Gates, when he spoke to a high school not too long ago. There has been some debate whether or not he actually delivered this speech, but the points here are “right on the money”. The following eleven points are things that people either did not or will not learn in school. He spoke about how the feel-good, politically correct teachings have created a generation of children who have no concept of reality and how these ideas have set them up for failure in the real world.
Personally, I think that these eleven ideas are very insightful and are things in which, if we are wise enough, can help us to enrich our everyday lives.
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Rule 1: Life isn’t fair…get used to it!
Rule 2: The world won’t care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won’t be a vice-president with a car until you earn both.
Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough…wait till you get a boss.
Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.
Rule 6: If you mess up…it’s not your parents’ fault…so don’t whine about your mistakes…learn from them.
Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren’t as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent’s generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.
Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they will give you as MANY TIMES you want to get the right answer. This doesn’t bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.
Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don’t get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.
Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life, people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.
Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are, you’ll end up working for one.
The annual celebration of New Year’s Eve is one of my favorite times of the year. It is during this time that we reminisce about the past year and, at the same time, look ahead, plan, and make resolutions for the future. Millions and millions of people around the world take part in the festivities and revelry as they welcome in the New Year.
As with many of the holidays that we have throughout the year, I always find it very interesting and enjoyable to find some history and fun facts about each day. This holiday is no different. So, I decided to share some interesting facts with you about the celebration of New Year and some other intriguing things…so…here we go.
Interesting Things That Are Dropped New Year’s Eve
Most people from around the world, know that every year, New York City welcomes in the New Year in Times Square, by dropping a big “ball” which gradually descends from the top of a pole to the bottom, where it rests while all kinds of lights blink and shine as the new year begins. It all started in 1907 after there was a fireworks ban. In 1907, the iron and wood ball weighed 700-pounds and was covered with 25-watt bulbs made of iron. Today, it weighs 11,875 pounds, is 12 feet in diameter and is adorned with 2,668 Waterford crystals. Meanwhile, close to a million people in the square, dance, party, hug and kiss, and have a good time at this joyous moment. Around the world, approximately 1 billion people watch world-wide festivities from their televisions or computers.
But are there other things that are dropped in celebration of New Year’s instead of a giant ball? You bet there is!!! Here are some remarkable objects that are “dropped.” So, without further ado, here are some things from around the United States that I think you will find entertaining.
In Brookville, Florida, a giant tangerine was dropped 40 feet in 2009.
In Traverse, Michigan, a cherry is dropped.
In Flagstaff, Arizona, a pine cone is dropped from a hotel.
In Prescott, Arizona, a boot is dropped
In South Lake, California, a gondola is lowered.
In Temecula, California, a bunch of grapes is dropped.
In Niagara Falls, Ontario, a 10 foot guitar is dropped from a specially designed 120-foot scaffold at the Hard Rock Café.
In Easton, Maryland, a red crab is dropped.
In Lebanon, Pennsylvania, a 100-pound stick of bologna is dropped.
In Easton, Pennsylvania, and giant M&M is dropped
In St. George’s, Bermuda, a paper-Mache Bermuda onion covered with Christmas lights is dropped.
In Black Creek, North Carolina, a large red heart drop is lowered.
In Eastover, North Carolina, a three-foot tall, thirty-pound flea is dropped.
In Elmore, Ohio, a sausage is dropped.
In Cincinnati, Ohio, a flying pig is “flown”, not dropped, demonstrating to everyone that there is at least one occasion “when pigs fly.”
In Red Lion, Pennsylvania. A wooden cigar held by a lion, is raised.
In Panama City, Florida, a 800-pound beach ball is lowered from a tower 12 stories high.
In Praire du Chien, Wisconsin, A carp (real but dead) caught by a local fisherman and weighing between 25-30 pounds is lowered.
In Vincennes, Indiana, a giant 18-foot, 500 pound steel and foam watermelon is raised 100 feet during the final 60 second countdown to midnight.
…..and there are many, many others!!!
Several Amazing Facts About the New Year Celebration
The Babylonians celebrated New Years over 4,000 years ago.
The New Year’s song, “Auld Lang Syne,” means, “times gone by.”
If you want to have a happy new year, don’t eat lobster or chicken. Lobsters can move backward and chickens can scratch in reverse, so it is thought these foods could bring a reversal of fortune.
The Jewish New Year is called Rosh Hashanah. Apples and honey are usually eaten to celebrate.
In Italy, people wear red underwear on New Year’s Day to bring good luck all year long.
In some countries, the use of fireworks are used for more than just celebrations…they are also believed to scare off evil spirits and bring good luck
44% of American adults plan to kiss someone at midnight.
61% of people say a prayer.
Over 1 million people line the 40 miles of shoreline of the city of Sydney, Australia.
In Japan, at the stroke of midnight, Buddhist monks strike the gongs 108 times in aneffort to drive out the 108 human weaknesses.
New Year’s Day is the oldest celebrated holiday.
Many people in America, eat Black Eyed Peas, cabbage, and ham on New Year’s Day for good luck.
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Well, I hope that you enjoyed these tidbits and facts. I would like to personally wish each and every one of you the healthiest and happiest New Year!!
Most of you who have been following my blog over the years, know that I am a Physical Education/Health teacher and a coach and have loved my job throughout the past 31 years. The one constant during those years have been the joy and excitement that I receive from my students. Their passion, zeal, and enthusiasm about life is contagious. This kind of positive atmosphere usually always uplifts my spirits, enlightens my soul, makes me smile. Every day of school is a new adventure..you never know what is going to happen…what will be said or what will be done by these young people. Usually, the younger they are, the funnier things happen.
So, it should be no surprise, that one of the things that I enjoy posting from time-to-time are some of the silly, hilarious, and downright goofy things that kids do…and sometimes teach us. Such is the case with today’s article. The following is a collection of some of these kinds of things. I hope that these bring a smile to your face and a chuckle to your heart. Hey! You may even learn some things about ceiling fans today as well 🙂
Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence. …
Super glue is forever. …
No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can’t walk on water.
Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
DVD players do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving. …
You probably do not want to know what that odor is. …
Always look in the oven before you turn it on.
Plastic toys do not like ovens.
The fire department in Orlando, FL has an 8 minute response time.
The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy.
The spin cycle on the washing machine does make cats dizzy.
Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite. …
A 3 year-old’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant. …
When you hear the toilet flush and the words “Uh-oh”, it’s already too late. …
Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it. …
A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.
A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2,000 sq foot house 4 inches deep.
Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old.
If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a superman cape….
It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room. …
You should not throw baseballs up in the air when the ceiling fan is on. …
When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.
A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
America and the world lost a great human being a few days ago at the passing of boxing legend, Muhammad Ali. Ali rose to prominence in the 1960’s and 1970’s when he not only became the world heavyweight boxing champion, but also became a advocate for peace and accepted people of all races, religions, and beliefs…despite proclaiming himself as a Muslim and giving himself over to the nation of Islam.
Ali was a unique sports figure. He not only was one of the top, well-known athletes of his time but he was also known around the world. Unlike many well-known athletes of today, he infused poetry, wisdom, and humor together to spread his message of peace and unity around the globe. His humorous quips are known around the globe.
So, in today’s blog, I decided to list some of Muhammad Ali’s famous quotes for you to ponder, think about, smile, and maybe, in some small way, apply to your everyday life!
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To be a champion, you must believe that you are the best. If not, pretend you are.
It is lack of faith that makes people afraid of meeting challenges.
Float like a butterfly and sting like a bee. The hands can’t hit what the eyes can’t see.
It isn’t the mountain ahead of you that will wear you out; it’s the pebble in your shoe.
He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life.
It is hard to be humble when you are as great as I am.
Age is whatever you think it is. You are as old as you think you are.
Impossible is not a fact. It is an option.
Inside a ring or out, ain’t nothing wrong with going down. It is staying down that’s wrong.
The man who has no imagination has no wings.
I am the greatest, I knew that before I knew I was.
Don’t count the days; make them count.
Not only do I knock them down, I pick the round.
I should be a postage stamp, that’s the only way I ever get licked.
Last week, I murdered a rock, I injured a stone, hospitalized a brick, I am so mean, I make medicine sick!
A man who views the world the same at 50 as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life.
I hated every minute of training, but I said, ‘Don’t quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion.
Hating people because of their color is wrong. And it doesn’t matter which color does the hating. It’s just plain wrong.
Simply put…I LOVE this picture!!! It might be one of my favorite photos that I have ever put up on my blog under the titles of “Pictures That Speak Volumes.”
Just look at the face of this precious child as he looks upon the President of the United States. Complete awe and wonder. Total shock and adoration at the same time.
Then check out the faces of the people in the background: I don’t know if they are his parents or not but chances are…they are. Observe the joy and happiness in the smiles and faces.
Like I said…a beautiful, joyous and heartwarming picture…priceless!!
There is nothing more precious than seeing the pure innocence and joy of a youngster. This photo is a terrific image of a little toddler enjoying his furry little friend.
It really does make you think what people would be like…as they get older…if they still had this kind of total happiness and joy throughout their lives. It just goes to show us once again, the importance of taking the time to enjoy the little things in life, staying focused on the positive, learn from the negative, and ALWAYS be thankful!
Remember: NO ONE IS IN CHARGE OF YOUR HAPPINESS EXCEPT FOR YOU!!!
Everyone needs a little giggle every once in a while…especially under stressful situations. Some situations can cause a great deal of stress while people…who read about that situation can do nothing more than giggle when they read about the poor soul’s situation.
Such is the case of today’s “Giggle of the Day.”
You pick up a hitchhiker… A beautiful girl.
Suddenly, she faints inside your truck and
you take her to the hospital.
Now that’s stressful.
But at the hospital, they say she is pregnant and
congratulate you that you’re going to be a father.
You say that you are not the father, but the girl says you are.
This is getting very stressful!
You request a DNA test to prove that you are not the father.
After the tests are completed,
The doctor says the test shows you’re infertile,
And probably have been since birth.
You’re extremely stressed but relieved.
On your way back home, you think about your 5 kids at home.
I love children. I have been a Physical Education teacher for 30 years and throughout that time, I have heard many, many funny things. So, today, I am going to share some of those innocent but amusing things that children say…not only to me, but to others as well.
During a recess that I was supervising one day, a little third grade girl came up to me and asked, “What do yo want to be when you grow up?”
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Grandma: “LJ (little James), you did a great job staying in bed at grandma’s house last night.”
LJ: “Well, I did get up one time, grandma.”
Grandma: “Really?”
LJ: Yes, because I picked a booger with my finger and I needed my flashlight so nI cold look at it.”
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A seven-year-old says, “I am not an oxymoron!”
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A 6-year-old watched his dad tap the walls searching for support beams to hang his pictures. “Daddy, there is no one in there.”
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Told to make up her mind, a little girl asks, “How do you put makeup on your mind?”
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A 7-year-old boy to his 3-year-old sister: “Tell me when you are asleep, okay?”
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“How is that going to work?” asks a new kindergartner, upon being told to hold up two fingers if he had to go to the bathroom.
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A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather’s computer. She told him she was writing a story. “What’s it about?” he asked. “I don’t know,” she said. “I can’t read.”
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One day day a little girl was standing next to me and stroking my eyebrow with her finger. When I asked what she was doing she said, “I’m your eyebrow petter.”
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One day, after one of my Physical Education classes, the entire class got into a line behind a water fountain to get a drink. Suddenly, a little boy came up to me and asked, “Can I go to the nurse?” I asked him, “Nurse? Why? Why do you want to go and see her?” The boy replied, “I don’t know. Billy cut in line in front of me. When I told my friend Bobby that Billy cut me, he told me to go and see the nurse.”
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A 3-year-old after being told that her shoes were on the wrong feet: “Don’t be silly, Mommy. I know they’re my feet.”
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A friend of mine was resting during a family party when her niece came in to check on her. She told her that she didn’t feel well, that she had bad cramps. She then went outside and announced to everyone that “Aunt Kim doesn’t want to come to the party because she has CRABS, really bad ones!”
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A little 4-year-old boy brought over his new puppy to his grandparents house one day. His grandma started scolding her cat because it kept hissing at the puppy. The little boy asked quizzically, “Why are you talking to the cat? They can’t talk!” A few minutes later, the small child started talking to his puppy, his grandma asked him, “Why are yo talking to your dog? They can’t talk?” The little boy replied, “I know grandma, but they are good listeners!”
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A 3-year-old came inside and announced “I peed outside.” He was asked if his underwear was wet and my son proudly replied, “Nope, I peed on Luna. It was like a shower for her.”
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One day a 4-year-old was upstairs and yelled, “ouch!” When he asked what happened he yelled down to me, “I stubbed my toe! The one that ate roast beef!”.
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After getting in trouble for something a little boy said, “I’m only 5—I don’t know all the rules yet!”
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Grandma: “Levi, if you were making a sandwich, what wold you pt on it?”
Levi: “Meat, cheese and ketchup…on a bun.”
Grandma: “Wold you call that a ‘Levi Sandwich’?”
Levi: No, you silly, I call it a cheeseburger!”
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If you have any funny things that children have said to you, please feel free to share them, I might use them in a future post! Have a WONDERFUL day!!
I love cats! When I was a kid, we used to have many cats running, sleeping and playing around the house. Both of my parents really enjoyed having the critters around and my grandmother, who lived with us, loved them as one of her own grandchildren.
One of the funniest things I enjoy watching, are cats doing silly, funny, and surprising things. Sometimes, they make me laugh so hard that they make me cry.
So, what I decided to do today was to share some of these funny gifs with you (gifs are small movies, that last a few seconds). I think that you will find yourself giggling and laughing at the silliness and stupidity of our furry friends.
So, without further ado, let the laughs, snickers, and giggles begin!!
And away we go!Peek-A-Boo…I see you!Itsy Bitsy spider…..“I’m a monster!”“Has anyone seen Kitty?”King of the Hill!“Ok….enough of you Psycho cat!”Stop Thief!What the ?????“Wait….what was that??”Hit the SNOOZE buttonGeronimo!Houston…we have lift off!HA! HA! HA!
I have been a teacher for 30 years and one of the great things about my profession, is that you never know what might happen each day when I come to school. So, it is with much amusement, that when I find (or experience) something funny, I enjoy sharing it with others.
So it is with today’s story. It is told from the perspective of a veteran teacher during one of her “Show and Tell” sessions which she had in her class on a weekly basis.
Enjoy!
I’ve been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade class a few years back.
Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an infant. “This is Luke, my baby brother, and I am going to tell you about his birthday. First, Mommy and Daddy made him a symbol of their love, and then Daddy put a seed in my mother’s stomach. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.” She’s standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I’m trying not to laugh and wishing I had a video camera rolling. The kids are watching her in amazement.
“Then, about two Saturdays ago, my mother starts going, “Oh, oh, oh!” Erica puts her hand behind her back and groans. “She walked around the house for, like an hour, “Oh, oh, oh!” Now this kid is doing this hysterical duck-walk, holding her back and groaning. “My father called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn’t have a sign on the car like the Domino’s man. They got my mother to lay down in bed like this.” Erica lies down with her back against the wall. “And then, POP! My mother had this bad of water she kept in there just in case she got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like pssshhheeeww!”
The kid has her legs spread and with her little hands is miming water flowing away. It was too much!
Then the middle wife starts going push, push, and breath, breathe. They start counting, but they never even get past 10. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered with yucky stuff they said was from the play-center, so there must be a lot of stuff inside there.”
The Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I’m sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, if it’s Show-and-Tell Day, I bring my camcorder – just in case another “Middle Wife” come along.
Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl…
Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry it towards the bathroom.
In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close the lid. You may need to stand on the lid.
At this point, the cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this!
Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a “Power-Wash” and “Rinse”.
Have someone open the front door of your home. For the safety of everyone around, be sure that these are no people between the bathroom and the front door.
Stand well back, behind the toilet as far as you can and quickly lift the lid.
The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.
Good news!! Both the cat and the toilet will be sparkling clean!!
Yours Sincerely,
The Dog
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I hope these directions brought a little smile to your face, a giggle to your heart, and laughter to your soul!!!
Everybody needs a giggle or a chuckle at least once a day…today is no different. I hope that the following little story brings a smile to your face and a little joy to your heart.
The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office.
The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.
The auditor said, ‘Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no
full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money
gambling. I’m not sure the IRS finds that believable.’
I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it,’ says Grandpa. ‘How about a
demonstration?’
The auditor thinks for a moment and said, ‘Okay. Go ahead.’
Grandpa says, ‘I’ll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.’
The auditor thinks a moment and says, ‘It’s a bet.’
Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor’s jaw drops.
Grandpa says, ‘Now, I’ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my
other eye.’
Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn’t blind, so he takes the bet.
Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with
Grandpa’s attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
‘Want to go double or nothing?’ Grandpa asks ‘I’ll bet you six thousand
dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that
wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.’
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and
decides there’s no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he
agrees again.
Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains
mightily, he can’t make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side,
so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor’s desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss
into a huge win.
But Grandpa’s own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
‘Are you okay?’ the auditor asks.
‘Not really,’ says the attorney. ‘This morning, when Grandpa told me he’d
been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he
could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you’d be happy about
it!’
Being a teacher, I enjoy finding articles, lists or pictures and some funny and goofy things that students either say or do. That’s why, when I found the following list of 20 stupid things that students say or ask…I had to share them with you. I hope that they bring a little smile to your face and joy to your life!
1. “Why don’t the terrorist countries have to follow the constitution?”
2. “During WWI why were all of the women slaving away making shells for the war when they could have just gone to the beach and gotten them from there?”
3. “So all 435 representatives live in one house?”
4. Professor: so who can tell me about Pearl Harbor?
Girl: Oh. my. god. I love that movie.
5. “If we have weapons that can blow up the entire world, how come no one has used them?”
6. “If China is ahead of us by like a day, why didn’t they warn us about 9/11?”
7. “Hey do you know what day the professor hands out the textbook?”
8. “Sorry I’m late, would you mind starting over?”
9. Professor: What was the name of the Indian that helped guide Lewis and Clark?
Student: Sohcahtoa?
10. “Rice grows in fields? I thought it was made from chipped potatoes…”
11. “I have a note from my mom can I get an extension?”
12. Professor: You have 90 minutes for this exam.
Student: You told us we have an hour and a half!
13. In class we were discussing the hole in the ozone layer. Some girl blurts out “oh! That is the hole that the space shuttle flies through, right?”
14. We were discussing forest fires that were going on somewhere in the Midwest at the time, and a girl asked “How can the fires keep burning for more than one day? Do they start back up again every morning?”
15. English professor was collecting food and stuff to send to Japan after the tsunami, namely rice.
Girl raised her hand and asked if it was to soak up all the water.
16. Biology Professor: Look at the person sitting next to you. You share 99% of your DNA with them.
Student: Omg! Is that why you did the seating chart this way?
17. “Did Albert Einstein invent electricity? Or did he just discover it?”
18. “If a bear and a deer were the last things on earth, would they mate?”
19. During a lecture on greenhouse effects, a student raised their hand and asked “Why wouldn’t they just stop building greenhouses?!”
20. Freshman bio class, talking about DNA damage via free radicals and how some foods have antioxidants. Obnoxious super tan girl in front row: “So, like, how many blueberries should I eat if I, like, tan twice a week?”
I recently came across this hilarious little list on wimp.com that II thought would be something fun to share and enlighten your day. We all know that children are usually very good at telling us “the truth” or “the way it is” in innocent and honest ways. I trust that the following article will bring a smile to your face and a song to your heart as it did mine.
It’s no secret that grandparents love to spoil their grandchildren. While our parents typically mean the world to us, our grandparents usually hold a special place in our hearts. They may seem strange and old fashioned at times, but there is something so honest and sweet about how they appreciate the simple things in life. Nothing ever seems to make them nearly as happy as when they are spending time with family, and they have no greater love than spoiling their grand kids.
A group of eight-year-olds were ask to define what a grandparent is. The brutally-honest answers they gave are nothing short of hilarious.
Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of her own. They like other people’s.
A grandfather is a man and a grandmother is a lady!
Grandparents don’t have to do anything except be there when we come to see them. They are so old they shouldn’t play hard or run. It is good if they drive us to the shops and give us money.
When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars.
They show us and talk to us about the color of the flowers and also why we shouldn’t step on “cracks.”
They don’t say, “Hurry up.”
Usually grandmothers are fat but not too fat to tie your shoes.
They wear glasses and funny underwear.
They can take their teeth and gums out.
Grandparents don’t have to be smart.
They have to answer questions like, “Why isn’t God married?” and “How come dogs chase cats?”
When they read to us, they don’t skip. They don’t mind if we ask for the same story over again.
Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if you don’t have television, because they are the only grown-ups who like to spend time with us.
They know we should have snack-time before bedtime and they say prayers with us every time and kiss us even when we’ve acted badly.
A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived. ”Oh,” he said, ”She lives at the airport and when we want her we just go get her. Then when we’re done having her visit, we take her back to the airport.”
Grandpa is the smartest man on earth! He teaches me good things but I don’t get to see him enough to get as smart as him!
There is nothing more adorable in the world and nothing that can put a smile on your face quicker, then watching a little child becomes the person of their dreams. Such is the case with my little angel, who is one of my nieces when she got a Tinkerbell outfit for her birthday…yes, she also thought she was a queen!
So, are you having a bad day today? Take some time to do something for other people…to make them smile…to make them happy…to make them laugh…it’s contagious because it will make you feel the same!!
Always wear underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle. A story was posted in a newspaper a while ago of a Brisbane couple who drove their car to a shopping center, only to have their car break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with her shopping while he fixed the car.
The wife returned a while later to see a small group of people gathered near her car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of hairy legs protruding from under the chassis.
Unfortunately, although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned his private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward and quickly put her hand up his shorts, and tucked everything back into place.
On regaining her feet, she looked across the roof of he car and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by watching.
The car mechanic however, had to have three stitches in his forehead.
One night, a Cabbie picked up a nun. As they were riding, the cabbie confessed, “Sister, I have to get something off my chest.”
“What is that, my son.”
“Well, I’ve always had an urge to kiss a nun and I was wondering if you could be so kind.” “Well, my son, I think that can be arranged.”
The cabbie pulled over and the nun leaned over the seat and gave the cabbie the deepest, longest, wet kiss he could ever hope for.
The nun sat back. The cabbie said, “Thank you sister, I will carry that bliss to my death…by the way, my name is Frank and I feel terribly guilty now because I’m Catholic.”
The nun says, “Well, Frank, that’s ok, my name is Kevin and I’m going to a Halloween party.”
I hope you enjoyed the giggle. Have a great day and take the time to make someone else smile today!!
Unfortunately, it seems that thoughts and feelings of people around the world are getting worse and more negative every day. People appear to be more rushed, stressed and self absorbed in their everyday lives more than ever.
Have you ever noticed that the more people focus their lives on themselves, the more miserable they generally become? Their main goal is to FET as many things as they can. Meanwhile, the happiest and most content people are usually the individuals that GIVE to others.
Today’s short story is a tremendous illustration of how each one of us can find a secret to finding the goodness and happiness in life.
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A holy man was having a conversation with the Lord one day and said. “Lord, I would like to know what Heaven and Hell are like.
The Lord led the holy man to two doors.
He opened one of the doors and the holy man looked in. In the middle of the room was a large round table. In the middle of the table was a large pot of stew, which smelled delicious and made the holy man’s mouth water. The people sitting around the table were thin and sickly. They appeared to be famished. They were holding spoons with very long handles that were strapped to their arms and each found it possible to reach into the pot of stew and take a spoonful.
But because the handle was longer than their arms, they could not get the spoons back into their mouths. The holy man shuddered at the sight of their misery and suffering.
The Lord said, “You have seen Hell.
They went to the next room and opened the door. It was exactly the same as the first one. There was the large round table with the large pot of stew which made the holy man’s mouth water. The people were equipped with the same long-handled spoons, but here the people were well nourished and plump, laughing and talking.
The holy man said, “I don’t understand.”
“It is simple,” said the Lord. “It requires but one skill. You see they have learned the secret to happiness….. feed one another.”
I love when I find stories that touch your heart and, more importantly, teach us lessons in ways that we can sometimes…never imagine. Today’s story is an example of a show of love from an unlikely source.
An amazing occurrence happened in South Africa when 31 elephants made a “Journey To Pay their Respect.” How did they know? Something that is greater and deeper than human intelligence informed them that their hero – the man who had saved their lives and many other animals – had made his transition from this earthly world. Lawrence Anthony (1950 – 2012), a legend in South Africa and author of 3 books including the bestseller “The Elephant Whisperer”, bravely rescued wildlife and rehabilitated elephants all over the globe from human atrocities, including the courageous rescue of Baghdad Zoo animals during the US invasion in 2003. On March 7, 2012 Lawrence Anthony died.
Two days after his passing, the wild elephants showed up at his home led by two large matriarchs. Separate wild herds arrived in droves to say goodbye to their beloved man-friend’. A total of 31 elephants had patiently walked over 12 miles to reach his South African House. Witnessing this spectacle, humans were obviously in awe not only because of the supreme intelligence and precise timing that these elephants sensed about Lawrence’s passing, but also because of the profound memory and emotion the beloved animals evoked in such an organized way.The Ele
Walking slowly – for days – they made their way in a solemn one-by-one queue from their habitat in the wild bush to his house. Lawrence’s wife, Francoise, was especially touched, knowing that the elephants had not been to his house prior to that day for well over 3 years! But yet they knew where they were going and they seemed to know why they were going to Lawrence’s home. The elephants obviously wanted to pay their deep respects, honoring their human friend who had saved their lives – so much respect that they stayed for 2 days 2 nights without eating anything.
After honoring Lawrence Anthony in the only way they could – in this touching and memorable tribute to the man who had saved them and many other animals around the world – these sentient creatures had proven they are wiser and more compassionate than the human race will ever be or ever realize. Then one morning, they left, making their long journey back home.
As we all know, everyone makes mistakes…that are part of life and one of the ways that we grow as individuals. Well, today’s story should teach us all something else important…a lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address!!
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A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of their hectic schedules, it was difficult to co-ordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, Texas, a widow had just returned home from her husband’s funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail expecting messages from relatives and friends.
After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow’s son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read “To: My Loving Wife Subject: I’ve Arrived Date: June 28, 2014 I know you’re surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I’ve just arrived and have been checked in. I’ve seen that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
No dictionary has ever been able to define the difference between “complete” and “finished.” However, during a recent linguistic conference, held in London, England, Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese linguist, was asked to make that very distinction.
The question by a colleague in the erudite audience was this: “Some say there is no difference between ‘complete’ and ‘finished.’ Please explain the difference in a way that is easy to understand.”
Mr. Balgobin’s response: “When you marry the right woman, you are ‘complete.” If you marry the wrong woman, you are ‘finished.’ And, if the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are ‘completely finished.'”
His answer received a five minute standing ovation…
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Hope this little story brought a smile to your face. We all need a little joy in our lives to brighten our days! 🙂
There is nothing better than getting a nice,soft, fluffy hug from a friend!
Even Super Heroes need to wash their clothes!!
