It’s Time For Some Good Giggles!

Photo credit: Caroline Hernandez via Unsplash

The times that we are presently living seem to be more dark and pessimistic with each passing day. It is easy for us to focus and dwell on the negative events that seem to be happening all around us this past year or so…COVID, masks, the unrest in Washington D.C., etc.

One of the beautiful things about life, is that we can discover ways to alleviate this sense of doom by exercising, going outside and enjoy nature via hikes, walks, runs, and biking. Other people meditate, practice yoga, tai chi, and a host of other methods or techniques to control and manage their anxiety.

Laughter and comedy has also been a tremendous outlet for people when navigating the storms of life.

The focus of my blog today, is to do just that…to give people some giggles, smiles, or laughter that (hopefully) will help brighten your day…at least for a short time.

So, without further ado, here are a few statements that I am sure will bring a sense of merriment and joy to your soul 🙂

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The Ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”

3. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named “Ahmal.” The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him “Juan.” Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, “They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.”

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: “A beer please, and one for the road.”

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: “Does this taste funny to you?”

7. “Doc, I can’t stop singing ‘The Green, Green Grass of Home.'” “That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.” “Is it common?” Well, “It’s Not Unusual.”

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, “I was artificially inseminated this morning.” “I don’t believe you,” says Dolly. “It’s true, no bull!” exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you’ve heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.

12. What do you call a deer with one eye? No eye deer (no idea(r))

13. I went to a seafood disco last week… and pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, “Dam!”

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. “But why,” they asked, as they moved off. “Because,” he said, “I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.”

18. Two peanuts walk into a bar and one was a salted.

19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it’s good…) A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did!!!!!!!!

Don’t Crack Up! It’s No Yolk!!!

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Don't Crack Up! It's No Yolk!!!

Poor Benedict. I don’t know eggzactly what happened but I think I can eggsplain what occured. All he wanted to do was break out of his shell but all he got was scrambled. He kept telling his family ova and ova again but they wouldn’t believe him. This is must be eggstra eggscruciating time for them. If you don’t believe me…it’s OK..I Omelettin’ you slide. ~ Hope this made you smile!

Some PUN-ny Stories to Brighten Your Day

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There are many things that cause people to suffer all kinds of undo stress and anxiety in today’s world. What people need to do, probably more now than ever, is to take a few minutes out of their busy schedule each day and do something that they enjoy. If you are a person that like to read things that make you relax and smile…then today’s blog is just for you!! So, sit back, relax and smile!

1. Two vultures board an airplane. Each was carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, “I’m sorry, gentlemen; only one carrion per passenger allowed.”

2. A panda walks into a restaurant and orders a sandwich. When he receives the check, he pulls out a gun, fires it several times, then walks out the door. A stunned patron then asks the waiter, “What was that all about?” The waiter responded, “That’s just the way pandas are,” and walked away. Well, the patron didn’t know what a panda was, so at home that night he looks up “panda” in the dictionary and what he finds explains everything: “Panda: A large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China; eats shoots and leaves.”

3. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.

4. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank. This proves once again you can’t have your kayak and heat it, too.

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

6. The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He gained his stature from pi.

7. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.

“But why?” they asked, as they moved off.

“Because,” he said, “I can’t stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.”

8. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named Ahmal. The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him Juan.

Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she says to her husband, “I wish I had a picture of Ahmal as well.”

Her husband responds, “They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.”

9. A monastery was behind on their belfry payments. They decided to open a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair.

He asked the good fathers to close down. They would not.

He went back later and begged the friars to close. They ignored him.

So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to “persuade” them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he’d be back if they didn’t close up shop. Terrified, they finally did.

The moral of the story? Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

10. Mahatma Gandhi, as you may or may not know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail. With his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

11. There was this ‘blogger who posted ten different puns, hoping at least one of the puns would make his readers laugh. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

12. Many years ago, a baker’s assistant called Richard the Pourer, whose job it was to pour the dough mixture in the making of sausage rolls, noted that he was running low on one of the necessary spices. He sent his apprentice to the store to buy more.

Unfortunately, upon arriving at the shop, the young man realized that he had forgotten the name of the ingredient. All he could do was to tell the shopkeeper that it was for Richard the Pourer, for batter for wurst.