You Just Can’t Make This Stuff Up!!

It never ceases to amaze me, when I find stories which show the brilliance and wisdom that is found in so some people each and every day. Usually when I read these stories, all I can do is just shake my head and say to myself, “Unbelievable!”
You have to read this story before you look at the picture… 
This was this guy’s first boat and he was taking it to the lake, but he wasn’t quite sure of  the correct procedure for launching a boat off a ramp. 
 
However, he figured  it couldn’t be that difficult to do, so he stopped by his Union office for advice, and they just told  him. 
 
“Just don’t let the trailer get too deep in the water when you’re launching your boat, and you  should be fine”. 
 
 Well later on, he couldn’t understand what they meant by that, as he just could barely get  his trailer in the  water! 
 
Here’s a picture  worth a “thousand’ words! You’re going to love this guy!!! 

Stupid

Silly Warning Labels For Stupid People

Photo Credit: Dan Taylor via CC Flickr

Photo Credit: Dan Taylor via CC Flickr

Warning labels are an important part of products that we buy and use. Unfortunately, there are a lot of cases in which companies must think that people are…well…stupid. The following list proves how silly these warning labels can be…

“Do not use if you cannot see clearly to read the information in the information booklet.” — In the information booklet.

“Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish.” — On a bottle of shampoo for dogs.

“For external use only!” — On a curling iron.

“Warning: This product can burn eyes.” — On a curling iron.

“Do not use in shower.” — On a hair dryer.

“Do not use while sleeping.” — On a hair dryer.

“Do not use while sleeping or unconscious.” — On a hand-held massaging device.

“Do not place this product into any electronic equipment.” — On the case of a chocolate CD in a gift basket.

“Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking.” — On a toilet at a public sports facility in Ann Arbor, Michigan.
“This product not intended for use as a dental drill.” — On an electric rotary tool.

“Caution: Do not spray in eyes.” — On a container of underarm deodorant.

“Do not drive with sunshield in place.” — On a cardboard sunshield that keeps the sun off the dashboard.

“Caution: This is not a safety protective device.” — On a plastic toy helmet used as a container for popcorn.

“Do not use near fire, flame, or sparks.” — On an “Aim-n-Flame” fireplace lighter.

“Not intended for highway use.” — On a 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow.

“This product is not to be used in bathrooms.” — On a Holmes bathroom heater.

“May irritate eyes.” — On a can of self-defense pepper spray.

“Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth.” — On a novelty rock garden set called “Popcorn Rock.”

“Caution! Contents hot!” — On a Domino’s Pizza box.

“Caution: Hot beverages are hot!” — On a coffee cup.

“Caution: Shoots rubber bands.” — On a product called “Rubber Band Shooter.”

“Warning: May contain small parts.” — On a Frisbee.

“Do not use orally.” — On a toilet bowl cleaning brush.

“Please keep out of children.” — On a butcher knife.
“For use by trained personnel only.” — On a can of air freshener.
“Do not use as ear plugs.” — On a package of silly putty.

“Please store in the cold section of the refrigerator.” — On a bag of fresh grapes in Australia.

“Warning: knives are sharp!” — On the packaging of a sharpening stone.

“Not for weight control.” — On a pack of Breath Savers.

“Twist top off with hands. Throw top away. Do not put top in mouth.” — On the label of a bottled drink.

“Theft of this container is a crime.” — On a milk crate.

“Do not use intimately.” — On a tube of deodorant.

“Warning: has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice.” — On a box of rat poison.

“Fragile. Do not drop.” — Posted on a Boeing 757.

“Cannot be made non-poisonous.” — On the back of a can of de-icing windshield fluid.

“Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage.” — On a portable stroller.

“Excessive dust may be irritating to shin and eyes.” — On a tube of agarose powder, used to make gels.

“Look before driving.” — On the dash board of a mail truck.

“Do not iron clothes on body.” — On packaging for a Rowenta iron.

“Do not drive car or operate machinery.” — On Boot’s children’s cough medicine.

“For indoor or outdoor use only.” — On a string of Christmas lights.

“Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.” — On a child sized Superman costume.

“This door is alarmed from 7:00pm – 7:00am.” — On a hospital’s outside access door.

“Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted.” — On a sign at a railroad station.

“Warning: do not use if you have prostate problems.” — On a box of Midol PMS relief tablets.

“Product will be hot after heating.” — On a supermarket dessert box.

“Do not turn upside down.” — On the bottom of a supermarket dessert box.

“Do not light in face. Do not expose to flame.” — On a lighter.

“Choking hazard: This toy is a small ball.” — On the label for a cheap rubber ball toy.

“Not for human consumption.” — On a package of dice.

“May be harmful if swallowed.” — On a shipment of hammers.

“Using Ingenio cookware to destroy your old pots may void your warranty.” — A printed message that appears in a television advertisement when the presenter demonstrates how strong the cookware is by using it to beat up and destroy a regular frying pan.

“Do not attempt to stop the blade with your hand.” — In the manual for a Swedish chainsaw.

“Do not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at co-workers.” — From a manual for an SGI computer.

“Warning: May contain nuts.” — On a package of peanuts.

“Do not eat.” — On a slip of paper in a stereo box, referring to the styrofoam packing.

“Do not eat if seal is missing.” — On said seal.

“Remove occupants from the stroller before folding it.”

“Access hole only — not intended for use in lifting box.” — On the sides of a shipping carton, just above cut-out openings which one would assume were handholds.

“Warning: May cause drowsiness.” — On a bottle of Nytol, a brand of sleeping pills.

“Warning: Misuse may cause injury or death.” — Stamped on the metal barrel of a .22 calibre rifle.

“Do not use orally after using rectally.” — In the instructions for an electric thermometer.

“Turn off motor before using this product.” — On the packaging for a chain saw file, used to sharpen the cutting teeth on the chain.

“Not to be used as a personal flotation device.” — On a 6×10 inch inflatable picture frame.

“Do not put in mouth.” — On a box of bottle rockets.

“Remove plastic before eating.” — On the wrapper of a Fruit Roll-Up snack.

“Not dishwasher safe.” — On a remote control for a TV.

“For lifting purposes only.” — On the box for a car jack.

“Do not put lit candles on phone.” — On the instructions for a cordless phone.

“Warning! This is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants.” — On the packaging for a wristwatch.
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Source and Read more: http://www.cracked.com/funny-1714-stupid-people/#ixzz2xanTDHgZ

Twenty Things a Mother Should Tell Her Son

 

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Photo Courtesy: GabrielaP93 – Flickr

1. Play a sport. It will teach you how to win honorably, lose gracefully, respect authority, work with others, manage your time and stay out of trouble…and maybe even throw or catch.

2. You will set the tone for the sexual relationship, so don’t take something away from her that you can’t give back.

3. Use careful aim when you pee. Somebody’s got to clean that up, you know.

4. Save money when you’re young because you’re going to need it someday.

5. Allow me to introduce you to the dishwasher, oven, washing machine, iron, vacuum, mop and broom. Now please go use them.

6. Pray and be a spiritual leader.

7. Don’t ever be a bully and don’t ever start a fight, but if some idiot clocks you, please defend yourself.

8. Your knowledge and education is something that nobody can take away from you.

9. Treat women kindly. Forever is a long time to live alone and it’s even longer to live with somebody who hates your guts.

10. Take pride in your appearance.

11. Be strong and tender at the same time.

12. A woman can do everything that you can do. This includes her having a successful career and you changing diapers at 3 A.M. Mutual respect is the key to a good relationship.

13. “Yes ma’am” and “yes sir” still go a long way.

14. The reason that they’re called “private parts” is because they’re “private”. Please do not scratch them in public.

15. Peer pressure is a scary thing. Be a good leader and others will follow.

16. Bringing her flowers for no reason is always a good idea.

17. It is better to be kind than to be right.

18. Keep a good sense of humor. A sense of humor goes a long way in the healing process.

19. Please choose your spouse wisely. My daughter-in-law will be the gatekeeper for me spending time with you and my grandchildren.

20. Remember to call your mother because I might be missing you.

~ Author Unknown ~