Mothers. This special group of ladies are more valuable than gold and can have more impact on an individual’s life than almost anything a person can experience throughout their lifetime. They can teach us the wide assortment of life lessons as we are growing up. The following is an interesting list of some of the wonderful words of wisdom that a mother can instill in their children every day.
My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. “If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”
My mother taught me RELIGION. “You better pray that will come out of the carpet!”
My mother taught me TIME TRAVEL. “If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week.”
My mother taught me LOGIC. “Because I said so, that’s why.”
My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. “If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.”
My mother taught me FORESIGHT. “Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”
My mother taught me IRONY. “Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.”
My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. “Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”
My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. “Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck?”
My mother taught me about STAMINA. “You will sit there until all that spinach is gone.”
My mother taught me about WEATHER. “This room of yours looks like a tornado went through it.”
My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. “Just wait until we get home!”
My mother taught me about RECEIVING. “You’re going to get it when you get home!”
My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. “If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to stick that way.”
My mother taught me ESP. “Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?”
My mother taught me HUMOR. “When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”
My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. “If you don’t eat your vegetables, you will never grow up.”
My mother taught me GENETICS. “You’re just like your father.”
My mother taught me about me about my ROOTS. “Shut that door behind you. Do you think we live in a barn?”
My mother taught me WISDOM. “When you get to my age, you will understand.”
And my favorite: my mother taught me about JUSTICE. “One day you’ll have kids and I hope they turn out just like you!”
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WHAT WAS THE BEST THING THAT YOUR MOTHER TAUGHT YOU?
A man stopped at a flower shop to order some flowers to be wired to his mother who lived two hundred miles away. As he got out of his car he noticed
a young girl sitting on the curb sobbing. He asked her what was wrong and she replied, “I wanted to buy a red rose for my mother. But I only have seventy-five cents, and a rose costs two dollars.”
The man smiled and said, “Come on in with me. I’ll buy you a rose.” He bought the little girl her rose and ordered his own mother’s flowers. As they were leaving he offered the girl a ride home. She said, “Yes, please! You can take me to my mother.” She directed him to a cemetery, where she placed the rose on a freshly dug grave.
The man returned to the flower shop, canceled the wire order, picked up a bouquet and drove the two hundred miles to his mother’s house.
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Life is Short. Spend much time as you can loving and caring people who love you. Enjoy each moment with them before it’s too late. There is nothing important than family.
Throughout everyone’s lifetime, there are instances where some people will take advantage of other people’s kindness…sometimes in a negative way. The following story is an example of this kind of behavior…even though it is done in a comical way!
A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around the store. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on with his shopping. Finally, he went to the checkout line, but she got in front him.
“Pardon me,” she said, “I’m sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It’s just that you remind me of my son who just died recently.”
“I am very sorry,” replied the young man, “is there anything that I can do for you?”
“Yes” she said, “as I am leaving, can you just say ‘Good bye Mother!’? It would make me feel much better.”
“Sure,” answered the young man.
As the old woman was leaving, he called out, “Good bye, Mother!”
As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.50.
“How can that be?” he asked, “I only purchased a few things!””Your mother said that you would pay for her,” said the clerk.
Photo Credit: George Hodan via publicdomainpictures.net
After 21 years of marriage, my wife wanted me to take another woman out to dinner and a movie. She said, “I love you, but I know this other woman loves you and would love to spend some time with you.”
The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my MOTHER, who has been a widow for 19 years, but the demands of my work and my three children had made it possible to visit her only occasionally
. That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner and a movie. “What’s wrong, are you well?” she asked.
My mother is the type of woman who suspects that a late night call or a surprise invitation is a sign of bad news. “I thought that it would be pleasant to spend some time with you,” I responded. “Just the two of us.” She thought about it for a moment, and then said, “I would like that very much.”
That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick her up I was a bit nervous. When I arrived at her house, I noticed that she, too, seemed to be nervous about our date. She waited in the door with her coat on. She had curled her hair and was wearing the dress that she had worn to celebrate her last wedding anniversary. She smiled from a face that was as radiant as an angel’s. “I told my friends that I was going to go out with my son, and they were impressed, “she said, as she got into the car. “They can’t wait to hear about our meeting.”
We went to a restaurant that, although not elegant, was very nice and cozy. My mother took my arm as if she were the First Lady. After we sat down, I had to read the menu. Her eyes could only read large print. Half way through the entries, I lifted my eyes and saw Mom sitting there staring at me. A nostalgic smile was on her lips. “It was I who used to have to read the menu when you were small,” she said. “Then it’s time that you relax and let me return the favor,” I responded. During the dinner, we had an agreeable conversation – nothing extraordinary but catching up on recent events of each others life. We talked so much that we missed the movie. As we arrived at her house later, she said, “I’ll go out with you again, but only if you let me invite you.” I agreed.
“How was your dinner date?” asked my wife when I got home. “Very nice. Much more so than I could have imagined,” I answered.
A few days later, my mother died of a massive heart attack. It happened so suddenly that I didn’t have a chance to do anything for her. Some time later, I received an envelope with a copy of a restaurant receipt from the same place mother and I had dined. An attached note said: “I paid this bill in advance. I wasn’t sure that I could be there; but nevertheless, I paid for two plates – one for you and the other for your wife. You will never know what that night meant for me. I love you, son.”
At that moment, I understood the importance of saying in time: “I LOVE YOU” and to give our loved ones the time that they deserve. Nothing in life is more important than your family. Give them the time they deserve, because these things cannot be put off till “some other time.”
The following letter was written by a mother to her daughter. Simply put…it is beautiful reminder of a mother / daughter (or son) relationship.
“My dear girl, the day you see I’m getting old, I ask you to please be patient, but most of all, try to understand what I’m going through.
If when we talk, I repeat the same thing a thousand times, don’t interrupt to say: “You said the same thing a minute ago”… Just listen, please. Try to remember the times when you were little and I would read the same story night after night until you would fall asleep.
When I don’t want to take a bath, don’t be mad and don’t embarrass me. Remember when I had to run after you making excuses and trying to get you to take a shower when you were just a girl?
When you see how ignorant I am when it comes to new technology, give me the time to learn and don’t look at me that way… remember, honey, I patiently taught you how to do many things like eating appropriately, getting dressed, combing your hair and dealing with life’s issues every day… the day you see I’m getting old, I ask you to please be patient, but most of all, try to understand what I’m going through.
If I occasionally lose track of what we’re talking about, give me the time to remember, and if I can’t, don’t be nervous, impatient or arrogant. Just know in your heart that the most important thing for me is to be with you.
And when my old, tired legs don’t let me move as quickly as before, give me your hand the same way that I offered mine to you when you first walked.
When those days come, don’t feel sad… just be with me, and understand me while I get to the end of my life with love.
I’ll cherish and thank you for the gift of time and joy we shared. With a big smile and the huge love I’ve always had for you, I just want to say, I love you… my darling daughter.”
It was a week before Christmas and my dearly beloved mother was in a coma. She was dying of cancer and had been unconscious since early that afternoon. It was the third night in a row that my wife and I had made our two hour trip to come to my mother’s house to say ”goodbye” to her.
The hospice doctor had told me three days earlier that he believed that mom would pass away at any time and that we should visit her to be with her when she passed. So, for those three nights, we would make our trip to be with her and wait for the dreaded moment to come.
Leaving her house each night was very heart wrenching because I was never sure if it would be the last time that I would see her alive. I had always made it a point to tell her that I loved her each time I left her, so that I could always say, that that would be the last thing I told her on this earth if she passed away.
Like I said earlier, it was the third and last night we were with her and she was just in a deep, deep sleep. It was such a strange and surreal feeling, standing their watching my mom take in very slow breathes with her oxygen mask on her face. All of her hair was gone and she was just a shell of the beautiful and delightful woman that was my mother.
As the night wore on and the time got later and later, I grew more and more saddened by the fact that we would have to leave to return home. Finally, around midnight, we decided that it was time to go home. We had to be home for our two little boys in the morning.
I remember thinking that I wanted to SAY goodbye to my mom just one more time but I knew that I could but she would never hear it. So, with a heavy heart, I leaned over my mom, placed a gentle kiss on her forehead and said, “I love you mom.” Then I whispered to her, in almost a prayer-type request, “come on mom…wake up one more time. Please? Just once more?” But my request fell upon deaf ears and she never woke up. My wife then sat on the side of her bed, held hand ever so gently and began to say her goodbyes.
Suddenly, my mother opened her eyes, took off her air mask and said, with a voice as clear as could be, “what is everyone doing here? I am fine! I have just been sleeping. I am going to be fine.” It was simply fascinating experience. Here was my mother who had talked, just the day before, with a weak, raspy voice that was caused by constantly having the mask on and inhaling the oxygen 24 hours a day, and now she was totally awake and not only sounded like she was totally healthy but acted like it as well.
I stood there mesmerized and the sudden turn of events but I was also so very thankful…I could now SAY goodbye to my mother and share my feelings and last thoughts with her! After telling her the things that I wanted to tell her, giving her one last kiss goodbye and telling her how much I loved her and for being such a terrific mom, we got ready to leave. I felt truly blessed and thankful that my “whispered prayer” was answered. My heart was filled with joy knowing that God had given us a Christmas miracle…my mom.
Soon after we left, she went back to sleep and never woke up again. Later the next day, surrounded by friends along with her childhood best friend, she quietly passed on from this world and touched the face of God.
I grew up with practical parents. A mother, God love her, who washed aluminum foil after she cooked in it, then reused it. She was the original recycle queen before they had a name for it. A father who was happier getting old shoes fixed than buying new ones and would et all of the food on his plate (even the scraps) because otherwise, it was a waste of food.
Their marriage was good, their dreams focused. Their best friends lived barely a wave away.
I can see them now, Dad in trousers, tee shirt and a hat and Mom in a house dress, lawn mower in one hand, and dish-towel in the other. It was the time for fixing things. A curtain rod, the kitchen radio, screen door, the oven door, the hem in a dress. Things we keep.
It was a way of life, and sometimes it made me crazy. All that re-fixing, eating, renewing, I wanted just once to be wasteful. Waste meant affluence. Throwing things away meant you knew there would always be more.
But then my mother died, and on that winter’s day, in her bed at home, I was struck with the pain of learning that sometimes there isn’t any more.
Sometimes, what we care about most gets all used up and goes away…never to return. So… While we have it…..it’s best we love it…. care for it…fix it when it’s broken………and heal it when it’s sick.
This is true. For marriage…….and old cars….and children with bad report cards…..and dogs with bad hips….and aging parents……and grandparents. We keep them because they are worth it, because we are worth it.
Some things we keep. Like a best friend that moved away or a classmate we grew up with.
There are just some things that make life important, like people we know who are special……..and so…we keep them close!
What do you think is the most important part of your body?
I recently came across this story on “Inspirational Stories for Your Soul” that I thought was intriguing and which raised a good question…what is the most important part of the human body? Can you guess what it might be? The answer may surprise…and inspire you!
My mother used to ask me what is the most important part of the body and, through the years, I would take a guess at what I thought was the correct answer.
When I was younger, I thought sound was very important to us as humans so I said “my ears, mommy”.
She said “No, many people are deaf. But you keep thinking about it and I will ask you again soon.”
Several years passed before she asked me again. Since my last attempt, I contemplated a correct answer. So I told her “Mommy, sight is very important to everybody, so it must be our eyes.”
She looked at me and told me that I was learning fast but the answer is not correct because there are many people who are blind.
Stumped again, I continued my quest for knowledge and over the years she asked me a couple more times and always the same answer “No. But you are getting smarter every year, my young child.”
Then last year my Grandpa died. Everybody was hurt. Everybody was crying. Even my father cried. I remember that especially because it is only the second time I saw him cry.
My Mom looked at me when it was our turn to say our final good-bye to Grandpa.
She asked me “Do you know the most important body part yet? And I was shocked she asked me this now. I always thought this was a game between her and me.
She saw the confusion on my face and told me, “This question is very important. It shows that you have really lived in your life. For every body part you gave me in the past, I have told you that it was wrong and given you an example why. But today is the day you need to learn this important lesson.”
She looked down at me like only a mother can. I saw her eyes well up with tears. She said,
“Son the most important body part is your shoulder.” Was it because it held up my head?
She replied, “No, because it can hold the head of a friend or loved one when they cry. Everybody needs a shoulder to cry on sometime in life, my son.
I only hope that you have enough love and friends that you will always have a shoulder to cry on when you need it.”
Then and there I knew the most important body part was not selfish, it was sympathetic to the pain of OTHERS.
You are a friend and, whenever you want, you can cry on my shoulder!!!
People will forget what you said.
People will forget what you did,
I have been a teacher for over 27 years. The one thing that I love to do, is to listen to children say things, such as answering simple questions, with answers that we never saw coming. Sometimes, they are funny in their simplicity. The innocence that they answer things are hilarious.
I found a collection of such things on stargazers.com of some of the humorous things that some young kids said…so, without further ado, here is Part 1 of “Children Say the Funniest Things.” I will be posting the second installment soon.
A kindergarten student told his teacher he’d found a cat, but it was dead. “How do you know that the cat was dead?” she asked her student. “Because I pissed in its ear and it didn’t move,” answered the child innocently. “You did WHAT?!?!?!” the teacher yelled in shock. “You know,” explained the boy, “I leaned over and went ‘Pssst!’ and it didn’t move.”
A mother and her young son returned from the grocery store and began putting away the groceries. The boy opened the box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table. “What are you doing?” his mother asked. “The box says not to eat them if the seal is broken” the boy explained. “I’m looking for the seal.”
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, “…. and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, “The sky is falling, the sky is falling!” The teacher paused then asked the class, “And what do you think that farmer said?” One little girl raised her hand and said, “I think he said: ‘Oh my goodness…a talking chicken!'”
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, and Ryan, 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. “If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, ‘Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait.'” Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, “Ryan, you be Jesus.
A father was at the beach with his children when his four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore, where a seagull lay dead in the sand. “Daddy, what happened to him?” the son asked. “He died and went to Heaven,” the dad replied. The boy thought a moment and then said, “Did God throw him back down?”
When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower, she said, “mommy, you are getting fat!” I replied, “Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy.” “I know,” she replied, but what’s growing in your butt?”
Several years ago, I returned home from a trip just when a storm hit, with crashing thunder and severe lightning. As I came into my bedroom about 2 a.m., I found my two children in bed with my wife, apparently scared by the loud storm. I resigned myself to sleep in the guest bedroom that night. The next day, I talked to the children, and explained that it was O.K. to sleep with Mom when the storm was bad, but when I was expected home, please don’t sleep with Mom that night. They said OK. After my next trip several weeks later, my wife and the children picked me up in the terminal at the appointed time. Since the plane was late, everyone had come into the terminal to wait for my plane’s arrival, along with hundreds of other folks waiting for their arriving passengers. As I entered the waiting area, my son saw me, and came running shouting, ” Hi, Dad! I’ve got some good news!” As I waved back, I said loudly, “What’s the good news?” My son shouted very excitedly, “Nobody slept with Mommy while you were away this time!”
A physician and her 4 year old daughter were in the car on the way to preschool. The doctor/mother had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it. “Be still, my heart,” thought the mother, “my daughter wants to follow in my footsteps!” Then the child spoke into the instrument: “Welcome to McDonald’s. May I take your order?”
A father was reading Bible stories to his young son. He read, “The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.” His son asked, “What happened to the flea?”
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louis, do you know why his father didn’t punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the ax in his hand.
TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on “My Dog” is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you copy his?
CLYDE: No, teacher, it’s the same dog.
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher.
TEACHER: Cindy, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
CINDY: You told me to do it without using tables!
TEACHER: Now, Sam, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SAM: No sir, I don’t have to, my Mom is a good cook.
A little girl asked her mother, “Can I go outside and play with the boys?” Her mother replied, “No, you can’t play with the boys, they’re too rough.” The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, “If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?”
It was the end of the day when a K-9 officer parked his police van in front of the station. While he was gathering his equipment, his K-9 partner started barking at a little boy staring into the van. “Is that a dog you got back there?” he asked the officer. “It sure is,” the officer replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at him and then towards the dog. Finally the boy said, “What’d he do?”
A Sunday school teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way to church service, “And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?” One bright little girl replied, “Because people are sleeping.”
A little girl goes to the barbershop with her father as usual. She stands next to the barber chair eating a snack cake, while her dad gets his hair cut. The barber says to her, “Sweetheart, you’re going to get hair on your Twinkie one of these days.” She says, “Yes, I know, and I’m going to get boobs too.”
A mother was away one weekend at a business conference. During a break, she decided to call home collect. Her six-year-old son picked up the phone and heard a stranger’s voice say “We have a Marcia on the line. Will you accept the charges?” Frantic, he dropped the phone and ran outside screaming, “Dad! Dad! They’ve got mom!! And they want money!!!”
Here’s a little taste of eight-year old reasoning. This is a reality check to balance all those manipulative commercials and sentimental Mother’s Day cards that are flooding the market place.
Warning: The following true comments are not politically correct. So simply laugh and enjoy!
Answers given by grade two school children to the following questions:
What kind of a little girl was your mom?
1. My mum has always been my mum and none of that other stuff.
2. I don’t know because I wasn’t there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.
If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I’d get rid of that.
2. I’d make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.
What would it take to make your mom perfect?
1. On the inside she’s already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I’d diet, maybe blue.
Why did God make mothers ?
1. She’s the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.
How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.
What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men’s bones. Then they mostly use string, I think
Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We’re related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people’s mom like me.
What did mum need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?
Why did your mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that mom didn’t have her thinking cap on.
Who’s the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn’t want to be boss, but she has to because dad’s such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.
What’s the difference between moms and dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller and stronger, but Moms have all the real power ‘cause that’s who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friends.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.
What does your mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don’t do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long
This is for all the mothers who DIDN’T win Mother of the Year last year, all the runners-up and all the wannabes. Including the mothers too tired to enter or too busy to care.
This is for all the mothers who froze their buns off on metal bleachers at soccer games on Friday night, instead of watching from cars. So that when their kids asked, “Did you see my goal?” They could say, “Of course, wouldn’t have missed it for the world,” and mean it.
This is for all the mothers who have sat up all night with sick toddlers in their arms, wiping up barf laced with Oscar Mayer wieners and cherry Kool-Aid saying, “It’s OK honey, Mommy’s here.”
This is for the mothers who gave birth to babies they’ll never see, and the mothers who took those babies and made them homes.
This is for all the mothers of the victims of school shootings, and the mothers of the murderers. For the mothers of the survivors, and the mothers who sat in front of their TVs in horror, hugging their child who just came home from school, safely.
This is for all the mothers who run carpools and make cookies and sew Halloween costumes, and all the mothers who DON’T.
What makes a good mother anyway? Is it patience? Compassion? Broad hips?
Is it the ability to nurse a baby, cook dinner, and sew a button on a shirt, all at the same time?
Or is it heart?
Is it the ache you feel when you watch your son or daughter disappear down the street, walking to school alone for the very first time?
Is it the jolt that takes you from sleep to dread, as you bound from bed to crib at 2 a.m. to put your hand on the back of a sleeping baby?
Is it the need to flee from wherever you are and hug your child when you hear news of a school shooting, a fire, a car accident, or a baby dying?
I think so.
So this is for all the mothers who sat down with their children and explained all about making babies, and for all the mothers who wanted to but just couldn’t.
This is for reading “Goodnight, Moon” twice a night for a year. And then reading it again. “Just one more time.”
This is for all the mothers who mess up. Who yell at their kids in the grocery store and swat them in despair and stomp their feet like a tired 2 year old who wants ice cream before dinner.
This is for all the mothers who taught their daughters to tie their shoelaces before they started school. And for all the mothers who opted for Velcro instead.
This is for all the mothers who bite their lips-sometimes until they bleed-when their 14 year olds dye their hair green. Who lock themselves in the bathroom when babies keep crying and won’t stop.
This is for all the mothers who show up at work with spit-up in their hair and milk stains on their blouses and diapers in their purse.
This is for all the mothers who teach their sons to cook and their daughters to sink a jump shot.
This is for all mothers whose heads turn automatically when a little voice calls “Mom?” in a crowd, even though they know their own offspring are at home.
This is for mothers who put pinwheels and teddy bears on their children’s graves.
This is for mothers whose children have gone astray, who can’t find the words to reach them.
This is for all the mothers who sent their sons to school with stomachaches, assuring them they’d be just FINE once they got there, only to get calls from the school nurse and hour later asking them to please pick them up, right away.
This is for young mothers stumbling through diaper changes and sleep deprivation, and mature mothers learning to let go.
This is for working mothers and stay-at-home mothers, single mothers and married mothers, mothers with money, and mothers without.
This is for you all. So hang in there! We love you!
1. Play a sport. It will teach you how to win honorably, lose gracefully, respect authority, work with others, manage your time and stay out of trouble…and maybe even throw or catch.
2. You will set the tone for the sexual relationship, so don’t take something away from her that you can’t give back.
3. Use careful aim when you pee. Somebody’s got to clean that up, you know.
4. Save money when you’re young because you’re going to need it someday.
5. Allow me to introduce you to the dishwasher, oven, washing machine, iron, vacuum, mop and broom. Now please go use them.
6. Pray and be a spiritual leader.
7. Don’t ever be a bully and don’t ever start a fight, but if some idiot clocks you, please defend yourself.
8. Your knowledge and education is something that nobody can take away from you.
9. Treat women kindly. Forever is a long time to live alone and it’s even longer to live with somebody who hates your guts.
10. Take pride in your appearance.
11. Be strong and tender at the same time.
12. A woman can do everything that you can do. This includes her having a successful career and you changing diapers at 3 A.M. Mutual respect is the key to a good relationship.
13. “Yes ma’am” and “yes sir” still go a long way.
14. The reason that they’re called “private parts” is because they’re “private”. Please do not scratch them in public.
15. Peer pressure is a scary thing. Be a good leader and others will follow.
16. Bringing her flowers for no reason is always a good idea.
17. It is better to be kind than to be right.
18. Keep a good sense of humor. A sense of humor goes a long way in the healing process.
19. Please choose your spouse wisely. My daughter-in-law will be the gatekeeper for me spending time with you and my grandchildren.
20. Remember to call your mother because I might be missing you.
