Great Mysteries of the World

sky earth galaxy universe
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Over the course of time, the civilization of man has always had great questions that they sometimes spent years and years to try to solve those mysteries. How can man fly like a bird? They invented the airplane. Could they discover a way to light up a room without a candle? The light bulb was invented. How cool would it have been to our ancestors to go to the moon? The rocket ship was created. The list goes on and on and on.

Unfortunately, mankind still has a plethora of other great unsolved mysteries that may never be resolved. These are the problems that inquisitive minds want to know the answer to…but may never know!

Here we go…

Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

Why do banks charge a fee on ‘insufficient funds’ when they know there is not enough?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Would lightning come down faster if it came down in a straight line instead of crooked ones?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Whose idea was it to put an ‘S’ in the word ‘lisp’?

What is the speed of darkness?

Why is it that people say they ‘slept like a baby’ when babies wake up every two hours?

Are there specially reserved parking spaces for ‘normal’ people at the Special Olympics?

If the temperature is zero outside today and it’s going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out that it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why do people park on a driveway and drive on a parkway?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Did you ever stop and wonder……

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, ‘I think I’ll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?’

Who was the first person to say, ‘See that chicken there… I’m gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it’s bum.’

Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don’t point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does your Obstetrician, Gynecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs!

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Stop singing and read on…….

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

And the list goes on and on…

What is YOUR favorite “life mystery”? Please feel free to share!

Hope you enjoyed your time and some giggles!

Things Our Mothers Taught Us

love sweet face portrait
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Mothers. This special group of ladies are more valuable than gold and can have more impact on an individual’s life than almost anything a person can experience throughout their lifetime. They can teach us the wide assortment of life lessons as we are growing up. The following is an interesting list of some of the wonderful words of wisdom that a mother can instill in their children every day.

 

  1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. “If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”

 

  1. My mother taught me RELIGION. “You better pray that will come out of the carpet!”

 

  1. My mother taught me TIME TRAVEL. “If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week.”

 

  1. My mother taught me LOGIC. “Because I said so, that’s why.”

 

  1. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. “If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.”

 

  1. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. “Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”

 

  1. My mother taught me IRONY. “Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.”

 

  1. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. “Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”

 

  1. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. “Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck?”

 

  1. My mother taught me about STAMINA. “You will sit there until all that spinach is gone.”

 

  1. My mother taught me about WEATHER. “This room of yours looks like a tornado went through it.”

 

  1. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. “Just wait until we get home!”

 

  1. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. “You’re going to get it when you get home!”

 

  1. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. “If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to stick that way.”

 

  1. My mother taught me ESP. “Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?”

 

  1. My mother taught me HUMOR. “When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”

 

  1. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. “If you don’t eat your vegetables, you will never grow up.”

 

  1. My mother taught me GENETICS. “You’re just like your father.”

 

  1. My mother taught me about me about my ROOTS. “Shut that door behind you. Do you think we live in a barn?”

 

  1. My mother taught me WISDOM. “When you get to my age, you will understand.”

 

  1. And my favorite: my mother taught me about JUSTICE. “One day you’ll have kids and I hope they turn out just like you!”

——————–

WHAT WAS THE BEST THING THAT YOUR MOTHER TAUGHT YOU?

A Coach Is Always Right…Right?

lights night crowd stadium
Photo by Shawn Reza on Pexels.com

A few days ago, a good friend of mine, Bill, sent me this cute little story, written by John Killinger, that I thought would be something fun to share. Even though it is a funny story, it does demonstrate the unfortunate instances when certain individuals take the fun out of a game because of anger and frustration. Hopefully, it will serve as a motivation to people how NOT to act towards others when things do not work out the way that they desire.

A little while ago, the manager of a minor league baseball team got so frustrated with his center fielder’s performance that he jerked him out of the game and decided to play the position himself. He was determined to show his player how simple it really was to play this position. The first hard-hit ball that came to the manager took a bad hop and smashed into his mouth. A short time later, he had his second chance. The next play was a high fly ball that he lost in the sun—until it smacked him in the forehead. Then, for his last opportunity, a ball that came his way was a hard line-drive that flew between his hands and popped him right in the eye.

Furious, he ran off the field to the dugout, grabbed the center fielder by the shirt and shouted, “You’ve got center field so messed up, even I can’t play it!”

———————-

I hope you enjoyed this story. If you have any kind of motivational, inspirational, or heartwarming short stories, please don’t hesitate to send them to me and I will re-post them and credit you!

LIVE
LAUGH
LOVE

 

 

18 Famous Quotes of Muhammad Ali

Ian Rensley
Photo Credit: Ian Rensley via CC Flickr

America and the world lost a great human being a few days ago at the passing of boxing legend, Muhammad Ali. Ali rose to prominence in the 1960’s and 1970’s when he not only became the world heavyweight boxing champion, but also became a advocate for peace and accepted people of all races, religions, and beliefs…despite proclaiming himself as a Muslim and giving himself over to the nation of Islam.

Ali was a unique sports figure. He not only was one of the top, well-known athletes of his time but he was also known around the world. Unlike many well-known athletes of today, he infused poetry, wisdom, and humor together to spread his message of peace and unity around the globe. His humorous quips are known around the globe.

So, in today’s blog, I decided to list some of Muhammad Ali’s famous quotes for you to ponder, think about, smile, and maybe, in some small way, apply to your everyday life!

——————————–

  1. To be a champion, you must believe that you are the best. If not, pretend you are.
  2. It is lack of faith that makes people afraid of meeting challenges.
  3. Float like a butterfly and sting like a bee. The hands can’t hit what the eyes can’t see.
  4. It isn’t the mountain ahead of you that will wear you out; it’s the pebble in your shoe.
  5. He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life.
  6. It is hard to be humble when you are as great as I am.
  7. Age is whatever you think it is. You are as old as you think you are.
  8. Impossible is not a fact. It is an option.
  9. Inside a ring or out, ain’t nothing wrong with going down. It is staying down that’s wrong.
  10. The man who has no imagination has no wings.
  11. I am the greatest, I knew that before I knew I was.
  12. Don’t count the days; make them count.
  13. Not only do I knock them down, I pick the round.
  14. I should be a postage stamp, that’s the only way I ever get licked.
  15. Last week, I murdered a rock, I injured a stone, hospitalized a brick, I am so mean, I make medicine sick!
  16. A man who views the world the same at 50 as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life.
  17. I hated every minute of training, but I said, ‘Don’t quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion.
  18. Hating people because of their color is wrong. And it doesn’t matter which color does the hating. It’s just plain wrong.

The Amusing Side of Aviation

simon_seesI enjoy hearing funny conversations that go on between people during their everyday lives. Today, I am posting some of the hilarious statements that were made between airport control towers and airline pilots. I found these on the great web sites, tickld.com and freemaninstitute.com. I hope you enjoy them as much as I did!

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Tower: “TWA 2341, for noise reduction turn right 45 Degrees.”
TWA 2341: “Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?”
Tower: “Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?”
*************************
From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: “I’m f-ing bored!”
Ground Traffic Control: “Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!”
Unknown aircraft: “I said I was f-ing bored, not f-ing stupid!”
*************************
O’Hare Approach Control to a 747: “United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o’clock, three miles, Eastbound.”
United 329: “Approach, I’ve always wanted to say this…I’ve got the little Fokker in sight.”
*************************
A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long rollout after touching down.
San Jose Tower noted: “American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able.
If you are not able, take the Guadelupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport.”
*************************
A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich, overheard the following:
Lufthansa (in German): “Ground, what is our start clearance time?”
Ground (in English): “If you want an answer you must speak in English.”
Lufthansa (in English): “I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?”
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): “Because you lost the bloody war!”
*************************
Tower: “Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency 124.7”
Eastern 702: “Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway.”
Tower: “Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?”
BR Continental 635: “Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern… we’ve already notified our caterers.”
*************************
The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one’s gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.
Speedbird 206: “Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway.”
Ground: “Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven.”
The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: “Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?”
Speedbird 206: “Stand by, Ground, I’m looking up our gate location now.”
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): “Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?”
Speedbird 206 (coolly): “Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, — And I didn’t land.”
*************************
While taxiing at London’s Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: “US Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it’s difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!” Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: “God! Now you’ve screwed everything up! It’ll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don’t move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour, and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?”
“Yes, ma’am,” the humbled crew responded. Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking: “Wasn’t I married to you once?”
*************************
Tower: “Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o’clock, 6 miles!”
Delta 351: “Give us another hint! We have digital watches!”
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Here are some humorous tips on the subject of aviation:
* Takeoffs are optional. Landings are mandatory.

* If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back they get smaller. (unless you keep pulling the stick back — then they get bigger again)

* Flying is not dangerous; crashing is dangerous.

* The propeller is just a big fan in the front of the plane to keep the pilot cool. Want proof? Make it stop; then watch the pilot break out into a sweat.

* It’s best to keep the pointed end going forward as much as possible.

* Every one already knows the definition of a “good landing” is one from which you can walk away. But very few know the definition of a “great landing.” It’s one after which you can use the airplane another time.

* The probability of survival is equal to the angle of arrival.

* Those who hoot with the owls by night should not fly with the eagles by day.

* A helicopter is a collection of rotating parts going round and round and reciprocating parts going up and down — all of them trying to become random in motion. Helicopters can’t really fly — they’re just so ugly
that the earth immediately repels them.

* Trust your captain . . . . but keep your seat belt securely fastened.

* There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing: Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.

* A fool and his money are soon flying more airplane than he can handle.

* Try to keep the number of your landings equal to the number of your takeoffs.

* Gravity never loses! The best you can hope for is a draw.

* It’s better to be down here wishing you were up there, than up there wishing you were down here.

The 89 Year Old Thief

89 Year Old Thief

A Giggle for the Day: STRESS!

galeri12uludagsozlukcom
Photo Credit: galeri12.uludagsozluk.com

Everyone needs a little giggle every once in a while…especially under stressful situations. Some situations can cause a great deal of stress while people…who read about that situation can do nothing more than giggle when they read about the poor soul’s situation.

Such is the case of today’s “Giggle of the Day.”

You pick up a hitchhiker… A beautiful girl.
Suddenly, she faints inside your truck and
you take her to the hospital.
Now that’s stressful.

But at the hospital, they say she is pregnant and
congratulate you that you’re going to be a father.
You say that you are not the father, but the girl says you are.
This is getting very stressful!

You request a DNA test to prove that you are not the father.

After the tests are completed,
The doctor says the test shows you’re infertile,
And probably have been since birth.
You’re extremely stressed but relieved.

On your way back home, you think about your 5 kids at home.

The Hilarious Quips of Children

wikimwdia
Photo Credit: Wikimedia

I love children. I have been a Physical Education teacher for 30 years and throughout that time, I have heard many, many funny things. So, today, I am going to share some of those innocent but amusing things that children say…not only to me, but to others as well.

During a recess that I was supervising one day, a little third grade girl came up to me and asked, “What do yo want to be when you grow up?”

——————–

Grandma: “LJ (little James), you did a great job staying in bed at grandma’s house last night.”

LJ: “Well, I did get up one time, grandma.”

Grandma: “Really?”

LJ: Yes, because I picked a booger with my finger and I needed my flashlight so nI cold look at it.”

——————–

A seven-year-old says, “I am not an oxymoron!”

——————-

A 6-year-old watched his dad tap the walls searching for support beams to hang his pictures. “Daddy, there is no one in there.”

——————

Told to make up her mind, a little girl asks, “How do you put makeup on your mind?”

——————

A 7-year-old boy to his 3-year-old sister: “Tell me when you are asleep, okay?”

——————

“How is that  going to work?” asks a new kindergartner, upon being told to hold up two fingers if he had to go to the bathroom.

——————

A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather’s computer. She told him she was writing a story. “What’s it about?” he asked. “I don’t know,” she said. “I can’t read.”

——————

One day day a little girl was standing next to me and stroking my eyebrow with her finger. When I asked what she was doing she said, “I’m your eyebrow petter.”

——————

One day, after one of my Physical Education classes, the entire class got into a line behind a water fountain to get a drink. Suddenly, a little boy came up to me and asked, “Can I go to the nurse?” I asked him, “Nurse? Why? Why do you want to go and see her?” The boy replied, “I don’t know. Billy cut in line in front of me. When I told my friend Bobby that Billy cut me, he told me to go and see the nurse.”

—————–

A 3-year-old after being told that her shoes were on the wrong feet: “Don’t be silly, Mommy. I know they’re my feet.”

—————-

A friend of mine was resting during a family party when her niece came in to check on her. She told her that she didn’t feel well, that she had bad cramps. She then went outside and announced to everyone that “Aunt Kim doesn’t want to come to the party because she has CRABS, really bad ones!”

—————-

A little 4-year-old boy brought over his new puppy to his grandparents house one day. His grandma started scolding her cat because it kept hissing at the puppy. The little boy asked quizzically, “Why are you talking to the cat? They can’t talk!” A few minutes later, the small child started talking to his puppy, his grandma asked him, “Why are yo talking to your dog? They can’t talk?” The little boy replied, “I know grandma, but they are good listeners!”

—————

A 3-year-old came inside and announced “I peed outside.” He was asked if his underwear was wet and my son proudly replied, “Nope, I peed on Luna. It was like a shower for her.”

—————

One day a 4-year-old was upstairs and yelled, “ouch!” When he asked what happened he yelled down to me, “I stubbed my toe! The one that ate roast beef!”.

—————

After getting in trouble for something a little boy said, “I’m only 5—I don’t know all the rules yet!”

—————

Grandma: “Levi, if you were making a sandwich, what wold you pt on it?”

Levi: “Meat, cheese and ketchup…on a bun.”

Grandma: “Wold you call that a ‘Levi Sandwich’?”

Levi: No, you silly, I call it a cheeseburger!”

————————-

If you have any funny things that children have said to you, please feel free to share them, I might use them in a future post! Have a WONDERFUL day!!

 

A Sad Tale: No One Believes Seniors Anymore

 

Elderly in Brighton
Photo Credit: Gary Knight via CC FLickr: Going for a walk down East Street.

An elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired.
Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they’d shared, where Jerry had carved I love you, Sally.

On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up and, not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money – fifty thousand dollars!

Jerry said, “We’ve got to give it back.”

Sally said, “Finders keepers.” She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic.

The next day, two police officers were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money, and knocked on their door. “Pardon me, did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday?”

Sally said, “No.”

Jerry said, “She’s lying. She hid it up in the attic.”

Sally said, “Don’t believe him, he’s getting senile.”

The agents turned to Jerry and began to question him.

One said: “Tell us the story from the beginning.”

Jerry said, “Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday …….”

The first police officer turned to his partner and said, “We’re outta here!”

——————–

I hope this funny little story brought a smile to your face and a giggle to your soul. Now go out and share a smile with someone today!!

 

Children and Their Pets

beautyoverseas
Photo Credit: Beautyoverseas.com

There is nothing more precious and heartwarming than seeing pictures of little children with their pets There is a special relationship between humans and their pets…even more so with kids. So, without further ado, I will post some pictures of these touching relationships thst will certainly bring a song to your soul and a smile to your face.

Enjoy!!

Buzzfeed
Photo Credit: Buzzfeed.com
Elly Prestegaard
Photo Credit: Elly Prestegaard
Julieanneimages via Flickr
Photo Credit: Julieanneimages.com
South Orange Humane Society Flickr
Photo Credit: South Orange Humane Society
Tumblir
Photo Credit: Tumblir
Volodymyr Rozhko
Photo Credit: Volodymyr-Rozhko
Tumblir 2
Photo Credit: Tumblir
Tumblir 3
Photo Credit: Tumblir
youtube
Photo Credit: YouTube
ascabras
Photo Credit: Ascabras

 

I hope you enjoyed these awesome images. 

I will post more pictures in a future post…if there is enough interest to do so!

Have an awesome day!

 

An Ode to Thanksgivng

Mike Licht
Photo Credit: Mike Licht via CC Flickr

Ode to Thanksgiving

May your stuffing be tasty
May your turkey plump,
May your potatoes and gravy
Have nary a lump.
May your yams be delicious
And your pies take the prize,
And may your Thanksgiving dinner
Stay off your thighs!

The Birth of a Brother – Through the Eyes of a Seven-Year-Old

Photo Credit: Carissa Rogers via CC Flickr
Photo Credit: Carissa Rogers via CC Flickr

I have been a teacher for 30 years and one of the great things about my profession, is that you never know what might happen each day when I come to school. So, it is with much amusement, that when I find (or experience) something funny, I enjoy sharing it with others.

So it is with today’s story. It is told from the perspective of a veteran teacher during one of her “Show and Tell” sessions which she had in her class on a weekly basis.

Enjoy!


I’ve been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade class a few years back.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an infant. “This is Luke, my baby brother, and I am going to tell you about his birthday. First, Mommy and Daddy made him a symbol of their love, and then Daddy put a seed in my mother’s stomach. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.” She’s standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I’m trying not to laugh and wishing I had a video camera rolling. The kids are watching her in amazement.

“Then, about two Saturdays ago, my mother starts going, “Oh, oh, oh!” Erica puts her hand behind her back and groans. “She walked around the house for, like an hour, “Oh, oh, oh!” Now this kid is doing this hysterical duck-walk, holding her back and groaning. “My father called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn’t have a sign on the car like the Domino’s man. They got my mother to lay down in bed like this.” Erica lies down with her back against the wall. “And then, POP! My mother had this bad of water she kept in there just in case she got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like pssshhheeeww!”

The kid has her legs spread and with her little hands is miming water flowing away. It was too much!

Then the middle wife starts going push, push, and breath, breathe. They start counting, but they never even get past 10. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered with yucky stuff they said was from the play-center, so there must be a lot of stuff inside there.”

The Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I’m sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, if it’s Show-and-Tell Day, I bring my camcorder – just in case another “Middle Wife” come along.

“Young at Heart”: Pictures That Speak Volumes #66

Photo Credit: Unknown (if you know, please LMK)
Photo Credit: Unknown (if you know, please LMK)

The beautiful thing about life is that some people have neve decided to get old. It is a good thing to remember that it is OK for our bodies to get old but our heart and soul should always be forever young!

Love Life!

How to Wash A Cat

Photo Credit: Laurence Simon via CC Flickr
Photo Credit: Laurence Simon via CC Flickr

Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl…

  1. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry it towards the bathroom.
  2. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close the lid. You may need to stand on the lid.
  3. At this point, the cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this!
  4. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a “Power-Wash” and “Rinse”.
  5. Have someone open the front door of your home. For the safety of everyone around, be sure that these are no people between the bathroom and the front door.
  6. Stand well back, behind the toilet as far as you can and quickly lift the lid.
  7. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.
  8. Good news!! Both the cat and the toilet will be sparkling clean!!

Yours Sincerely,

The Dog

—————————–

I hope these directions brought a little smile to your face, a giggle to your heart, and laughter to your soul!!!

Some Silly Answers From Some Not-So-Bright Students

Photo Credit: Jirka Matousek via CC Flickr
Photo Credit: Jirka Matousek via CC Flickr

Being a teacher, I enjoy finding articles, lists or pictures and some funny and goofy things that students either say or do. That’s why, when I found the following list of 20 stupid things that students say or ask…I had to share them with you. I hope that they bring a little smile to your face and joy to your life!


1. “Why don’t the terrorist countries have to follow the constitution?”

2. “During WWI why were all of the women slaving away making shells for the war when they could have just gone to the beach and gotten them from there?”

3. “So all 435 representatives live in one house?”

4. Professor: so who can tell me about Pearl Harbor?

Girl: Oh. my. god. I love that movie.

5. “If we have weapons that can blow up the entire world, how come no one has used them?”

6. “If China is ahead of us by like a day, why didn’t they warn us about 9/11?”

7. “Hey do you know what day the professor hands out the textbook?”

8. “Sorry I’m late, would you mind starting over?”

9. Professor: What was the name of the Indian that helped guide Lewis and Clark?

Student: Sohcahtoa?

10. “Rice grows in fields? I thought it was made from chipped potatoes…”

11. “I have a note from my mom can I get an extension?”

12. Professor: You have 90 minutes for this exam.

Student: You told us we have an hour and a half!

13. In class we were discussing the hole in the ozone layer. Some girl blurts out “oh! That is the hole that the space shuttle flies through, right?”

14. We were discussing forest fires that were going on somewhere in the Midwest at the time, and a girl asked “How can the fires keep burning for more than one day? Do they start back up again every morning?”

15. English professor was collecting food and stuff to send to Japan after the tsunami, namely rice.

Girl raised her hand and asked if it was to soak up all the water.

16. Biology Professor: Look at the person sitting next to you. You share 99% of your DNA with them.

Student: Omg! Is that why you did the seating chart this way?

17. “Did Albert Einstein invent electricity? Or did he just discover it?”

18. “If a bear and a deer were the last things on earth, would they mate?”

19. During a lecture on greenhouse effects, a student raised their hand and asked “Why wouldn’t they just stop building greenhouses?!”

20. Freshman bio class, talking about DNA damage via free radicals and how some foods have antioxidants. Obnoxious super tan girl in front row: “So, like, how many blueberries should I eat if I, like, tan twice a week?”


Source: Tickld.com

The Talk of the Town

Photo Credit: Judy Baxter via CC Flickr
Photo Credit: Judy Baxter via CC Flickr

Every once in a while, I come across a story that reminds mes how important it is to keep the things that happen in our lives in proper perspective. Such is the case of today’s tale…

Funerals are a somber moment, aren’t they? It’s hard to imagine a situation where you would find them light and funny.

But then, maybe it’s something like that that you need to keep your perspective on the more important things in life. Read on and see what I mean.

Consumed by my loss, I didn’t notice the hardness of the pew where I sat. I was at the funeral of my dearest friend, my mother. She finally had lost her long battle with cancer.

The hurt was so intense; I found it hard to breathe at times. Always supportive, mother clapped loudest at my school plays, held a box of tissue while listening to my first heartbreak, comforted me at my father’s death, encouraged me in college, and prayed for me my entire life. When mother’s illness was diagnosed, my sister had a new baby and my brother had recently married his childhood sweetheart, so it fell on me, the 27 year old middle child with no entanglements to take care of her.

I felt it an honor. “What now?” I asked sitting in church. My life stretched out before me as an empty abyss. My brother sat stoically with his face toward the cross while clutching his wife’s hand. My sister sat slumped against her husband’s shoulder, his arms around her as she cradled their child.

All so deeply grieving, no one noticed I sat alone. My place had been with our mother, preparing her meals, helping her walk, taking her to the doctor, seeing to her medication.

Now she was gone. My work was finished, and I was alone. I heard a door open and slam shut at the back of the church. Quick steps hurried along the carpeted floor. An exasperated young man looked around briefly and then sat next to me. He folded his hands and placed them on his lap. His eyes were brimming with tears. He began to sniffle, “I’m late,” he explained, though no explanation was necessary.

After several eulogies, he leaned over and commented, “Why do they keep calling Mary by the name of Margaret?”

“Because that was her name, Margaret. Never Mary. No one called her Mary”, I whispered. I wondered why this person couldn’t have sat on the other side of the church. He interrupted my grieving with his tears and fidgeting. Who was this stranger anyway?

“No, that isn’t correct,” he insisted, as several people glanced over at us whispering, “Her name is Mary, Mary Peters. That isn’t who this is? Isn’t this the Lutheran church?”

“No, the Lutheran church is across the street, I believe you’re at the wrong funeral, sir.” The solemnness of the occasion mixed with realization of the man’s mistake bubbled up inside me and came out as laughter. I cupped my hands over my face hoping it would be interpreted as sobs. The creaking pew gave me away. Sharp looks from other mourners only made the situation seem more hilarious.

I peeked at the bewildered, misguided man seated beside me. He was laughing too, as he glanced around deciding it was too late for an uneventful exit. I imagined my mother laughing. At the final Amen, we darted out a door and into the parking lot. “I do believe we’ll be the talk of the town,” he smiled.

He said his name was Rick and since he had missed his aunt’s funeral, he asked me out for a cup of coffee. That afternoon began a lifelong journey for me with this man who attended the wrong funeral, but was in the right place.

A year after our meeting, we were married at a country church where he was the assistant pastor. This time we both arrived at the same church, right on time. In my time of sorrow, he gave me laughter. In place of loneliness, I now had love. This past June we celebrated our twenty second anniversary. Whenever anyone asks us how we met, Rick tells them “Her mother and my Aunt Mary introduced us, and it’s truly a match made in Heaven.”

Grandchildren Can Say They Funniest Things!

Photo Credit: Ann Jutatip via CC Flickr
Photo Credit: Ann Jutatip via CC Flickr

I recently came across this hilarious little list on wimp.com that II thought would be something fun to share and enlighten your day. We all know that children are usually very good at telling us “the truth” or “the way it is” in innocent and honest ways. I trust that the following article will bring a smile to your face and a song to your heart as it did mine.


It’s no secret that grandparents love to spoil their grandchildren. While our parents typically mean the world to us, our grandparents usually hold a special place in our hearts. They may seem strange and old fashioned at times, but there is something so honest and sweet about how they appreciate the simple things in life. Nothing ever seems to make them nearly as happy as when they are spending time with family, and they have no greater love than spoiling their grand kids.

A group of eight-year-olds were ask to define what a grandparent is. The brutally-honest answers they gave are nothing short of hilarious.

  • Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of her own. They like other people’s.
  • A grandfather is a man and a grandmother is a lady!
  • Grandparents don’t have to do anything except be there when we come to see them. They are so old they shouldn’t play hard or run. It is good if they drive us to the shops and give us money.
  • When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars.
  • They show us and talk to us about the color of the flowers and also why we shouldn’t step on “cracks.”
  • They don’t say, “Hurry up.”
  • Usually grandmothers are fat but not too fat to tie your shoes.
  • They wear glasses and funny underwear.
  • They can take their teeth and gums out.
  • Grandparents don’t have to be smart.
  • They have to answer questions like, “Why isn’t God married?” and “How come dogs chase cats?”
  • When they read to us, they don’t skip. They don’t mind if we ask for the same story over again.
  • Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if you don’t have television, because they are the only grown-ups who like to spend time with us.
  • They know we should have snack-time before bedtime and they say prayers with us every time and kiss us even when we’ve acted badly.
  • A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived. ”Oh,” he said, ”She lives at the airport and when we want her we just go get her. Then when we’re done having her visit, we take her back to the airport.”
  • Grandpa is the smartest man on earth! He teaches me good things but I don’t get to see him enough to get as smart as him!

The Bungee Cord Disaster

Photo Credit: Carla Lane via CC Flickr
Photo Credit: Carla Lane via CC Flickr

Two guys are bungee-jumping one day.  The first guy says to the second, “You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico.”

The second guy thinks this is a great idea, so the two pool their money and buy everything they’ll need – a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc.

They travel to Mexico and began to set up on the square.  As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble.  Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work.  Once they complete the tower, and announcement is made in Spanish and the first guy jumps.

He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back up, the second guy notices that he has a few cuts and scratches. Unfortunately, the second guy isn’t able to catch him, he falls again, bounces, and comes back up again.

This time, he is bruised and bleeding.  Again, the second guy misses him.  The first guy falls again and bounces back up.  This time, he comes back pretty messed up – he’s got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious.  Luckily, the second guy finally catches him this time and says, “What happened?  Was the cord too long?”

The first guy says, “No, the cord was fine, but what the heck is a piñata?”

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I hope this little story brought a smile to your face and a giggle to your soul…now go and have an awesome day!

The Giggle of the Week

GiggleSome boy scouts from the city were on a camping trip. The mosquitoes were so fierce, the boys had to hide under their blankets to avoid being bitten. Then one of them saw some lightning bugs and said to his friend, “We might as well give up. They’re coming after us with flashlights.

A Giggle For The Day

Photo Credit: Wikimedia.com
Photo Credit: Wikimedia.com

Two men were marooned on an Island.

One man paced back and forth worried and scared while the other man sat back and was sunning himself. 

The first man said to the second man, “aren’t you afraid we are about to die.”

“No,” said the second man, “I make $100,000 a week and tithe faithfully to my church every week. My Pastor will find me.”   

————

Have a great day and remember to smile and make someone giggle today!

What I learned from the Easter Bunny…

 

Photo Credit: Ethan Hickerson via CC Flickr
Photo Credit: Ethan Hickerson via CC Flickr

Throughout my life, I have been blessed to listen to many inspiring, motivational, and heartwarming speakers. I have met a lot of famous people and rubbed elbows with the “rich and famous.” But of all the people that I have ever met and listened to, none of them were more inspirational  than one of the most well known entities of all-time…that’s right…the Easter Bunny,

It is my hope that these great words of wisdom will touch your heart as much as they do mine 🙂

——————-

What I learned from the Easter Bunny……

Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.

Everyone needs a friend who is all ears.

There’s no such thing as too much candy.

All work and no play can make you a basket case.

A cute tail attracts a lot of attention.

Everyone is entitled to a bad hare day.

Let happy thoughts multiply like rabbits.

Some body parts should be floppy.

Keep your paws off of other people’s jelly beans.

Good things come in small, sugar coated packages.

The grass is always greener in someone else’s basket.

To show your true colors, you have to come out of the shell.

The best things in life are still sweet and gooey.

May the joy of the season fill your heart.
———–
Remember: “A true friend is someone who thinks you are a good egg
even though they know you are slightly cracked.” 🙂

The Giggle of the Week #12

A little while ago, a group of Joliet, Illinois bikers were riding west on I-74 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Murray Baker Bridge. So they stopped.

George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper, and says, “What are you doing?”

She says, “I’m going to commit suicide.”

While he didn’t want to appear “sensitive,” he didn’t want to miss a be-a-legend opportunity either so he asked … “Well, before you jump, why don’t you give me a kiss?”

So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that … and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another one.

After they finished, George gets approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and says, “Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had Honey! That’s a real talent you’re wasting Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?”

“My parents don’t like me dressing up like a girl.”

It’s still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed…

Don’t Crack Up! It’s No Yolk!!!

Don't Crack Up! It's No Yolk!!!

Poor Benedict. I don’t know eggzactly what happened but I think I can eggsplain what occured. All he wanted to do was break out of his shell but all he got was scrambled. He kept telling his family ova and ova again but they wouldn’t believe him. This is must be eggstra eggscruciating time for them. If you don’t believe me…it’s OK..I Omelettin’ you slide. ~ Hope this made you smile!