The Giggle of the Week

Photo Credit: Lynn F via CC Flickr

Photo Credit: Lynn F via CC Flickr

Everyone needs a smile and a giggle……

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An Irish Man’s First Drink with His Son..

(His Description of the Event)

“I was reading an article last night about fathers and sons, and memories came flooding back of the time I took my son out for his first drink. Off we went to our local bar, which is only two blocks from the house.

I got him a Guinness Stout. He didn’t like it – so I drank it.

Then I got him an Old Style, he didn’t like it either, so I drank it.

It was the same with the Coors and the Bud.

By the time we got down to the Irish whiskey . .

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Laughter is good for the soul!

I could hardly push the stroller back home.”

The Giggle of the Week

GiggleSome boy scouts from the city were on a camping trip. The mosquitoes were so fierce, the boys had to hide under their blankets to avoid being bitten. Then one of them saw some lightning bugs and said to his friend, “We might as well give up. They’re coming after us with flashlights.

The Giggle of the Week

Photo Credit: Nartin Mutch via CC Flickr

Photo Credit: Nartin Mutch via CC Flickr

Everyone needs a giggle and a smile…at least once a week…so, here is a good giggle for you!

A blind man and his guide dog enter a bar and find their way to a bar stool.

After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke ?”

The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet.

In a husky, deep voice, the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I’m a 6’tall, 200 lb. blonde with a black belt in karate. What’s more, the woman sitting next to me is blonde and she’s a weight lifter. The lady to your right is a blonde, and she’s a pro wrestler. Think about it seriously, Mister.

You still wanna tell that joke?” The blind guy think a moment and says, (scroll on down…..)

 

 

 

 

“Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”

The Giggle of the Week

Photo Credit: Thejbird via CC Flickr

Photo Credit: Thejbird via CC Flickr

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, ‘Jesus knows you’re here.’

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head and continued.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard ‘Jesus is watching you.’

Startled, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

‘Did you say that?’ he hissed at the parrot.

‘Yes’, the parrot confessed, then squawked, ‘I’m just trying to warn you that he’s watching you.’

The burglar relaxed. ‘Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?’

‘Moses,’ replied the bird.

‘Moses?’ the burglar laughed. ‘What kind of people would name a bird Moses?’

‘The kind of people who would name a Rottweiler Jesus.’

The Giggle of the Week #12

A little while ago, a group of Joliet, Illinois bikers were riding west on I-74 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Murray Baker Bridge. So they stopped.

George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper, and says, “What are you doing?”

She says, “I’m going to commit suicide.”

While he didn’t want to appear “sensitive,” he didn’t want to miss a be-a-legend opportunity either so he asked … “Well, before you jump, why don’t you give me a kiss?”

So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that … and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another one.

After they finished, George gets approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and says, “Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had Honey! That’s a real talent you’re wasting Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?”

“My parents don’t like me dressing up like a girl.”

It’s still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed…

The Giggle of the Week

A cute little story to bring a smile to your face and start off your week with a chuckle…

Priest and Boy“Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl.”

The priest asks, “Is that you, little Joey Pagano?”

“Yes, Father, it is.”

“And who was the girl you were with?”

“I can’t tell you, Father. I don’t want to ruin her reputation.”

“Well, Joey, I’m sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?”

“I cannot say.”

“Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?”

“I’ll never tell.”

“Was it Nina Capelli?”

“I’m sorry, but I cannot name her.”

“Was it Cathy Piriano?”

“My lips are sealed.”

“Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?”

“Please, Father! I cannot tell you.”

The priest sighs in frustration. “You’re very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you’ve sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.”

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, “What’d you get?”

“Four months vacation and five good leads…”

The Giggle of the Week

Photo Credit: gb_packards via Flickr

Photo Credit: gb_packards via Flickr

There are times in our lives when we can never win…

There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.  One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address.  He thought he should open it to see what it was about.  The letter read:

Dear God,

I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension.  Yesterday someone stole my purse.   It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension payment.  Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends.  Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with, have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope… Can you please help me?

Sincerely, Edna

The postal worker was touched.  He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few dollars.  By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman.  The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends.

Christmas came and went.

A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened.  It read:

Dear God,

How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me?  Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends.  We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift.

By the way, there was $4 missing.  I think it might have been those bastards at the post office.

Sincerely, Edna

Sometimes…you just can’t win!

The Giggle of the Week

Photo Credit: Walt Stoneburner via Flickr

Photo Credit: Walt Stoneburner via Flickr

A hungry traveler stops at a monastery and is taken to the kitchens. A brother is frying chips. ‘Are you the friar?’ he asks. ‘No. I’m the chip monk,’ he replies.

The Giggle of the Week: The Wisdom of a Child

Photo Credit:  mrmac04 via morguefile.com

Photo Credit: mrmac04 via morguefile.com

There was once a little girl on a plane. An atheist was sitting next to her, turned and said, “Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”

The little girl, who had just started reading her book, replied to the total stranger, “What would you like to talk about?”

“Oh, I don’t know” said the atheist. “How about why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?” as he smiled smugly.

“Ok,” she said, “those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?”

The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about it and says, “Hmmm, I have no idea.”

To which the little girl replies, “do you really feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven and Hell, or the after-life, when you don’t know shit?”