Some Very PUN-ny Halloween Humor

Photo Credit: Lobo 235 via CC Flickr

Photo Credit: Lobo 235 via CC Flickr

We all need some smiles, chuckles and humor each day…and Halloween is no exception! So, without further ado…here we go!

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Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers? – No, they eat the fingers separately.

What do you call a ghost with a broken leg? – A hoblin goblin.

Why don’t skeletons like parties? – They have no BODY to dance with.

What do witches put on their hair? – SCARE spray.

Why do mummies have such a hard time having friends? – They are too WRAPPED UP in themselves!

TherapyWhy don’t angry witches ride their brooms? They’re afraid of flying off the handle.

How can you tell that vampires like BASEBALL? – Because they turn into BATS every night!

Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road? – It didn’t have the guts.

Why are ghosts so bad at lying? – Because you can see right through them.

Why do ghosts go to bars?- For the Boos (get it? Boos – Booze).

What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit? – A necktarine

Who does Dracula get letters from? – His fang club.

Why is Superman’s costume so tight? – Because he is always wearing a size “S”

What did one owl say to the other owl? – Happy OWL-ween!

What kind of pants do ghosts wear? – Boo-jeans.

What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel, a Poodle and a ghost? – A cocker poodle boo.

What’s a haunted chicken? – A poultry-geist.

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Hope these silly jokes brought a smile to your face and soul today. Have a happy and safe Halloween!

 

Pictures That Speak Volumes #52

Bench

A man remembers the times that he shared with his wife on this park bench…

So…You Think You Know People?

Photo Credit: Darren Johnson via CC Flickr

Photo Credit: Darren Johnson via CC Flickr

Sometimes in life…you THINK you know what other are people are like…you think that you understand how other people feel and the struggles that they deal with. But do you REALLY know them?

Consider this:

The “gay boy” you punched in the hall today…committed suicide a few minutes ago. Remember that girl that you called a “slut” today in class? She’s a virgin. How about that boy that you called lame? He has to work every night to support his family. What about the girl that you pushed down yesterday because she was too slow and annoying? She’s being abused at home. Remember that girl that you called fat? She is slowly killing herself by starving herself. How about that old man that you made fun of because of the ugly scars that he has on his face? He fought for our country. What about the boy you laughed at because he was always crying? His mother is dying.

You think you know people? Chances are very good that you don’t. Be careful of your words and the judgments that you make towards others.  Your tongue is one of the most powerful weapons in the world…it can tear down someone and slice them to ribbons or it build them up and encourage them with one simple, kind word.

The choice is yours.

 

Words of Wisdom to Make Your Day

Photo Credit: Jessicahtam via CC Flickr

Photo Credit: Jessicahtam via CC Flickr

No matter how hard we try to perfect our daily lives, there are still times when we all need words that will uplift our spirits and give us the encouragement that we desire. I always find it fascinating how when I am having a difficult or challenging day how a simple little word or gesture can brighten it. I decided to collect a list of quotes and sayings that have inspired and uplifted me and share them with you. I hope that they will touch your heart and make your day a little brighter as they have for me.

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Never, ever give up! There is no such thing as an ending…just a new beginning.

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ALWAYS be a first rate version of yourself instead of a second rate copy of someone else. ~ Judy Garland

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Keep your head up! God gives His hardest battles to His strongest soldiers.

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Don’t allow the negative circumstances of your life take away the joy of what you like to do.

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Train your mind to see the good in every situation.

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If you are DEPRESSED, you are living in the PAST…If you are ANXIOUS, you are living in the FUTURE…If you are at PEACE, you are living in the PRESENT ~ Lao Tzu

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Always pray…

For the EYES to SEE the best

A HEART that FORGIVES the worst

A MIND that FORGETS the bad

And a SOUL that never loses Faith

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A bird sitting on a branch is never afraid of the branch breaking because its trust is not in the branch but on her own wings. BELIEVE IN YOURSELF

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Nobody can take away your pain…so don’t let anyone take away your happiness!

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Starting today, you need to…Forget what’s gone…Appreciate what still remains…Look forward to what is coming next!

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Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones…you’ll start to have positive results. ~ Willie Nelson

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There is a difference between giving up and knowing when you have had enough.

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SOMETIMES…the people in your life who are miles away can make you feel better than the people in your life who are right beside you…because they understand.

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Keep your heart free from hate…Your mind free from worry…And remember…Give much and expect little from others.

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MISERABLE PEOPLE will focus on what they hate about their lives. HAPPY PEOPLE will focus on what they love about their lives.

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Remember to always SMILE…it increases your face value!

The Value of Life

Photo Credit: Tax Credits via CC Flickr

Photo Credit: Tax Credits via CC Flickr

All of us have a sense of value about our lives. We like to think that it has a lot of worth and significance for ourselves and towards others. But sometimes, because of difficult and challenging circumstances, we begin to doubt the usefulness of the life that we have been given. Well, today I would like to share the following short story that I found on Indianchild.com, that will help remind you that your life ALWAYS has value…no matter what life throws at you.

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A well known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20 bill. In the room of 200, he asked, “Who would like this $20 bill?”

Hands started going up.

He said, “I am going to give this $20 to one of you but first, let me do this.” He proceeded to crumple the dollar bill up.

He then asked, “Who still wants it?”

Still the hands were up in the air.

“Well,” he replied, “What if I do this?” And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe.

He picked it up, now all crumpled and dirty. “Now who still wants it?” Still the hands went into the air.

“My friends, you have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth $20.

Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way.

We feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value. You are special – Don’t ever forget it!

Historical Stories Behind Popular Phrases – Second Edition

Photo Credit: Rich Grundy via CC Flickr

Photo Credit: Rich Grundy via CC Flickr

As I promised in an earlier publication, here are some more stories behind common phrases….

“Good Night. Sleep Tight”

In Shakespeare’s time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes, the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase…’Goodnight , sleep tight’ 

“Honeymoon”

It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride’s father would supply his new son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.

“Wet Your Whistle”

Many years ago in England , pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramiccups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service.

“Kicking the Bucket”*

One of the more bizarre metaphors in the English language likens death to a bucket understandably confuses even the most eloquent and learned speakers. Probably the most likely explanation refers to a now-obsolete method of slaughtering animals for food. A “bucket” consisted of a wooden frame, from which the pigs or sheep or other livestock were hung, and the “kicking” element comes in when the expected neurological struggles ensue after death.

“Back to Square One”*

Several different possible histories of this curious idiom exist, though only one from 1952 seems the most likely. Snakes and Ladders, known as Chutes and Ladders in the United States, may not have sent unlucky players straight to the first square. But this did not stop an Economic Journalarticle from wielding it as a metaphor for having to start over from the very beginning.

“Heard Through the Grapevine”*

The wires utilized in America’s first telegraph stations oftentimes swooped and draped in twisted, random patterns. Professionals and onlookers alike believed the tangled masses resembled grapevines somewhat, eventually birthing a common idiom still used today.

“Riding Shotgun”*

Back when stagecoaches existed as the pinnacle of transport, the seat immediately next to the driver was reserved for individuals holding (of course) a shotgun. Such a strategic spot allowed the protectors to better ward off any bandits attempting to loot passengers. As engineering marched on into motor vehicles, the vernacular designation for the coveted spot stayed the same.

“Bottoms Up”**

You’ve probably kicked off a round or two with this salute, but do you know the story behind it? According to Jack, it actually has nothing to do with raising the bottom of a glass as you drain your beverage. He writes that during the 18th and 19th centuries, English Navy recruiters tried to persuade London pub-goers to join the armed forces by getting them to accept payment in the form of a King’s shilling. Dishonest recruiters would drop a shilling into the pint of a drunken man who wouldn’t notice until he finished his beverage. They would then consider this proof of his agreement to join the Navy and drag him out to sea the very next day. Once drinkers and pubs figured out the scam, they introduced glasses with transparent bases “and customers would be reminded to lift the pint up and check the bottom for illicit shillings before they began drinking.

“More Than You Could Shake A Stick At”**

Farmers with more sheep than they could control with their wooden staffs are believed to have inspired this phrase, which means you have more of something than you need. But according to Jack, there’s a second possible origin. “After George Washington was once seen waving a generals began to use the expression to justify themselves when they had not been quite as successful as the great man himself was in battle. ‘We had more men to fight than you could wave a stick at’ was apparently a common excuse for failure on the battlefield.”

“Cat Got Your Tongue?”**

There are two possible sources of this phrase, which refers to when a normally chatty person is at a loss for words, often for suspicious reasons. The first refers to when victims of the cat-o’-nine-tails––a whip the English Navy used for flogging––were left speechless from the pain inflicted upon them. The second, which is equally morbid, traces back to medieval times, when punishment “for liars and blasphemers [was to] have their tongues cut out and then fed to the cats.” Ancient Egyptian cats were considered to be gods (and would eat just about anything), so giving them the tongue of a liar was “seen as a human offering to the gods.”

“Turn A Blind Eye”**

The 1801 Battle of Copenhagen is at the root of this saying, which means to pretend you don’t know what’s happening, Jack explains. During the battle, Admiral Sir Hyde Parker, commander of the British fleet, attempted to stop Horatio Nelson from launching an attack on the enemy. “When Nelson’s officers pointed out the order, he famously raised a telescope to his blind eye and replied: ‘Order, what order? I see no ships.'”

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Sources:

*denotes – bachelorsdegree.org

**denotes – womansday.com

How to Cook A Fabulous Thanksgiving Turkey!

Photo credit: Ruocaled via CC Flickr

Photo credit: Ruocaled via CC Flickr

Step 1: Buy a turkey

Step 2: Have a glass of wine

Step 3: Stuff Turkey

Step 4: Have a glass of wine

Step 5: Put turkey in the oven

Step 6: Relax and have a glass of wine

Step 7: Turk the bastey

Step 8: A glass of wine another get

Step 9: Hunt for meat thermometer

Step 10: Glass yourself another pour of wine

Step 11: Bake the wine for 4 hours

Step 12: Take the oven out of the turkey

Step 13: Tet the sable

Step 14: Grab another wottle of bine

Step 15: Turk the carvey

Have a smile…a chuckle…and an awesome day!

Pictures That Speak Volumes #50

Photo Credit: Natasha Sadovskaya

Photo Credit: Natasha Sadovskaya

Sometimes a simple picture can give you the “willies” and make you palms sweat!

The Power of 86,400

Photo Credit: Alex Rubin via CC Flickr

Photo Credit: Alex Rubin via CC Flickr

Every once in a while I come across an article that makes me stop and think. In this case, I read an article on dobhran.com which made me ponder…exactly what do I do with the time that is given to me each day? After reading the following essay, I trust that it will allow you to step back and contemplate what you are doing with your gift of time.

Imagine there is a bank that credits your account each morning with $86,400. It carries over no balance from day to day. Every evening deletes whatever part of the balance you failed to use during the day. What would you do? Draw out every cent, of course!

Each of us has such a bank. Its name is TIME. Every morning credits you with 86,400 seconds. Every night it writes off, as lost, whatever of this you have failed to invest to good purpose. It carries over no balance. It allows no overdraft. Each day it opens a new account for you. Each night it burns the remains of the day.

If you fail to use the day’s deposits, the loss is yours. There is no going back. There is no drawing against the “tomorrow”. You must live in the present on today’s deposits. Invest it so as to get from it the utmost in health, happiness, and success! The clock is running. Make the most of today.

To realize the value of ONE YEAR,
ask a student who failed a grade.

To realize the value of ONE MONTH,
ask a mother who gave birth to a premature baby.

To realize the value of ONE WEEK,
ask the editor of a weekly newspaper.

To realize the value of ONE HOUR,
ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.

To realize the value of ONE MINUTE,
ask a person who missed the train.

To realize the value of ONE SECOND,
ask a person who just avoided an accident.

To realize the value of ONE MILLISECOND,
ask the person who won a medal in the Olympics.

Treasure every moment that you have! And treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time. And remember that time waits for no one.

Treasure your friends.
Treasure your family.
Treasure God.
Treasure all the love in your life every minute of every day.
This life will be over before you know it!

Like Two Peas in A Pod….

There is nothing better in the whole world as a nice friend to snuggle with!